To be annoyed at school....

[Passthewipes]

For saying my DD can't be a mummy!
They have obviously been asking what the children want to be when they grow up and my DD, as she has said for the last 2 years, wanted to be a mummy when she grows up. She now randomly tells me while colouring, that the teacher said she can't be a mummy when she grows up, so she's going to be a footballer instead?!? She has never even played football so I doubt that was her own decision. She's only in reception, so not as if she is making huge life choices right now, but I'm still annoyed. When she has said to me she wants to be a mummy, and look after babies, I've said and what are going to do to earn some money, and she has said shop keeper... Likely because I work in a shop. So I have suggested she could be a nursery teacher and look after babies, which she was excited about.
Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at the school, and should I say something? I don't want her thinking she can't, or isn't allowed to be a mummy when she grows up. She is ASD diagnosed by the way so does take things very literally.

The not eating in school would worry me far more. I presume lunchtime staff know?

Sorry @fedup21 have I offended you? I presume you are/were a teacher?
May I point out I am not marching up the school to complain like 'one of those mums' but am trying to gain some perspective and insight from other parents

I'd be very worried f that was all my DD aspired to be.
What a horrible thing to say, raising children is far more worthwhile than any job.

It's just one of many questions asked and answered during the school day. My DS would have said he wanted to be a worm or a leprechaun at that age, I certainly wouldn't have been steering him towards a career path. Let it go.

I'm sad to her look glum at the prospect her dreams have been shattered

Crikey, its going to be a tough 12 years for you if this is how you feel about total non-issues

Yes I have already spoken to school about the eating and waiting for more feedback. Again she tells me she has tried a little bit when she has had school dinners, but packed lunch is coming back almost untouched. A bite of sandwich was all she had Friday, and Wednesday only the yoghurt.

Again a Non-issue on the face of it yes, but DD can make tiny things MASSIVE issues!
And yes I am terrified for the next 12 years! If the paediatrician is to be believed she's 'off the scale' and so will probably always live at home

'but DD can make tiny things MASSIVE issues!'

I think I get why🤔

I often say to parents - "I'll believe half of what your child tells me happens at home, if you believe half of what your child tells you happens at school."

By all means, talk to them about your child settling in, but don't bring this up, you've got long years ahead with a child with additional needs, so play the long game. She's also only a short time into school, and it's a big adjustment for many children. Earlier to bed is good at the start, and even a mental health day off is ok when needed.

I'd leave it or, as others have said, you risk making a bit of a prat of yourself and looking like a vexatious complainer.

Your job is to ensure that your very small child's interpretation of the discussion turns into a positive: "Of course you can be a mummy at the same time as being a doctor/astronaut/footballer/Nobel prize-winning physicist..."

I really think you are overthinking this. Just say to DD that she can be like mummy when she grows up to reassure her this is still an option. Most kids completely forget these conversations in school, so reassure her and move on. If in the future your DDs literal thinking is causing her anxieties then is the time to chat to her teacher.

MyDCAreMarvel completely agree. Laughing at previous posters saying being a mum isn't a job. It is, it's unpaid, but it's a job. I thought feminism was about being able to choose to do anything you wanted - brain surgeon, hairdresser, mother? Yet many feminists look down on raising kids as if it was beneath them. Good job their own mothers didn't think that, or they wouldn't be here themselves.

Maybe they just should have said to her - what do you want to be as well as Mummy?

I imagine a lot of the boys said 'Footballer' and she copied.

Being a mummy is my job, and it is the best, most important job I've ever had.
Not sure why some posters are saying it's not a job.

Excellent Teachers often have agenda's and are passionate and opinionated about various things. We expect them to be neutral, and indeed they should be, but we cannot realistically expect them to completely ignore their thoughts. TV is the worse culprit for steriotyping, you trying to bring up polite and respectful children, then you notice children being disrespectful, passing wind in a vulgar way etc. I wouldn't complain over this issue, you weren't even privy to the conversation. If the Teacher is incompetent, unkind, or unfair, that would initiate a complaint.

She is not your average child, she is different and an individual in her own right, and perhaps needs a bit more of an explanation rather than being shut down and told her answer is wrong!

Yeah YABU. You're one of those people who think your child is more special than everyone else's kid(s), she's not you know.

I agree with Jeschara.
Many of the comments here are clearly made by people with no experience of living with a child with ASC.
I'm sorry that your daughter is having a tough time at school.

Yes, the sensible approach would be for you to say "Of course you can be a mummy, but the teacher was asking about jobs'.

Laughing at previous posters saying being a mum isn't a job.

The fact that many people don't class being a mother as a job doesn't necessarily mean they have a different view of motherhood to you. It probably just means they are defining the word 'job' in a different way. I love being a mother, I think it's an incredibly important role, and I sacrificed my career because of it. But to me, a job means paid employment, so however important motherhood is, it isn't a job.

Footballers have kids too

When my dd was young she wanted to be a shelf stacker she is at uni now

Rainonmyguitar, what a thing to say!

Can you imagine what you would be complaining about if the teacher had told all the girls they had to be mummies, or cleaners or shopkeepers (maybe nurses if they were REALLY clever and career orientated) while the boys were all going to be doctors, lawyers and train drivers? You would be quite right to complain, and would have done loudly I assume.

No wonder teachers are on their knees.

When DD2 was in reception she wanted to be a guard dog. She is now an aerospace engineer. DD1 wanted to be a wizard (not a witch), she is now a civil servant (though she says with Boris and Brexit shenanigans the job is beginning to resemble witchcraft

Ds would take things literally, still does to an extent and he’s NT. Not downplaying your DD diagnosis but at this age (and beyond) it is just what some dc do.

YaNBU I don't see why they said this. They could just have replied 'what might you do as a job?' etc like you did.

The Teacher could also have been playing devils advocate trying to get your DD to think about what she said, and to even get her to challenge her own answer, or even the Teacher. In fact if that is the case, her Teacher has actually gone up in my estimation.