What is your honest view about only children??

[Charley1988]

My view is that being an only child can POTENTIALLY be a great experience and that all the well known stereotypes of only children are a complete MYTH. The only POTENTIAL downside in my opinion is that an only child may SOMETIMES be more prone to a more rigid upbringing than someone with siblings - but please note I've put the most important words in this sentence in block capitals....

We had just one due to fertility issues and she died suddenly last April, 2018, so now we're left just the two of us and no chance of grand-children or any good future.

Catnip I'm an only and wouldn't want siblings now because of the false ideal you mentioned. That's not to say that I don't think siblings can be great though cos I'm sure a good sibling relationship is wonderful

I have an only child and he's fine and great, always has been.....what's the big deal?

Some of us don't get a choice in how many we have .

I have one child and sadly I had miscarriage three years after he was born.

Now I'm too old / divorcing .

I was an only child and was desperate for a sibling. At one poin aged 10/11 I invented an older sister living away. As an adult I miss having someone to share childhood memories and my dc missed out on aunts, uncles cousins etc. I always vowed I would have at least two dc.
I was loved, indulged and happy but there was always something missing.

My view based upon having two children with a fairly large age gap, is that DS1 loved being an only child and didn't miss out, until DS2 came along and then she bought so much joy to his life, that I think that he probably would have missed out without her (although that said, he misses out in some other respects (mostly our time). I have a close friend who was an only child. She was and still is lovely, kind generous etc and wishes that she had siblings. My sister has never particularly liked me and cut me out of her life altogether when my kids came along. So my experience is that two+ can be great, but not always. And there are benefits being an only child too. As for the myth about only children being more spoiled/less able to share etc, I find that categorically untrue. My sister and I fought like cats and dogs growing up and probably acted pretty spoiled tbh.

I'm with you, Cat. My sibling lives a long way away and we are not close, emotionally or otherwise.

DH is on okay terms with one sibling, remotely friendly with one and has a very bad relationship with one. Both my parents are one of 4, and my dad is close to one sister. My mother has antagonistic, toxic, intertwined dysfunctional relationsipw with all hers (her parents played each child off each other, and despite the fact she is in her 70s and her parents died 30 years ago, they all still are stuck in that groove of relating to each other).

I actually think it is more unusual to be close to, or even like a sibling. it is not my experience. the best that can be said is a detached relationship where you are on cordial terms based on a common history.

I am maybe slightly cynical though!

Yappy - I'm so sorry of your loss. In my opinion the love you shared with her is with you and that love can bring you a good future even if different to the one imagined. Love never dies x

Sorry should have read sorry for** your loss

I’d like to add I’ve grown up miraculously generous, creative and with great friends. Don’t suffer fools gladly and neither did my parents, so I’m not worried about my child being a brat. I’ve met enough entitled bastards with siblings, it means nothing.

@Yappy12 so sorry for your loss

I was an only child and I loved it. Wouldn't mind if a potential DC is an only. I've left it quite late to have children so it might well be the case.

Completely up to you my dear. I think as long as you can role model good social skills from early on, your little one will be fine.. afterall, many of us turn to friends in our times of need before siblings.

I know lots of only children who don’t fall into the stereotype.

In fact the only children I know are much better at making friends.

The downside is, if you are close, a sibling can be an amazing lifelong friend. Someone who truly understand your childhood and who can share the burden of your parents with you.

The greatest gift my parents ever gave me was my sister.

One of my best friends, who is an only child with an amazing circle of friends, recently told me she never wished she had a sibling until her dad died. It was a moment of melancholy, and she has a fantastic circle of friends who will be there come what may.

@Charley1988. Thanks. I have a long thread in bereavement.

Yappy12

So very sorry for your loss x

@CatsOnCatnip. Thanks.x She died from Sads, heart just stops for no reason. We're just completely devastated still after 18 months. Would be her 24th next Friday.

I always imagined it would be sad to only have one child. As life has panned out ( fell in love with a man who’d had a vasectomy ) I will feel very lucky if/when we get our one. I’ve grown open to the idea of only one, because also I don’t want to take the piss with my DP being open to having a child. I’ve started to think about the potential benefits of only one, eg private school etc. I have no doubt if we have an only child, they will have a wonderful life, and will be a lovely person.

I think some people wanted more than one child so they really emphasise the only child bit and then it might become a thing for the child.

I knew only a couple as a child and they did fit the spoiled and doted on stereotype materialistically. They were nice children though.

As an adult I know a couple of adult only children and they are as average as the rest of the population. They don’t really stand out.

I know quite a few only children now as a parent though. And their parents are strongly pushy with regards to activities and play dates. A couple of my dcs’ only child friends parents are too pushy for my liking and I try to avoid a bit, I’m more of an introvert and prefer family time with a few play dates a month. But other parents don’t seem to mind and whenever we’ve bumped into them they are more often than not accompanied by a friend. If this is the norm for only children then I am so glad to have had more dc as I would have found play dates all the time very draining.

The dc seem as average though, they don’t really stand out either.

Zero opinion on it. So many other factors determine the kind of childhood you have/relationships you form/behaviour towards others etc etc etc

Another mad stereotyping MN thread that presumes all families are nuclear.

I have an only and I make sure to work at his friendships while he's young and to make the effort with cousins etc.

I don't want another one as I regret bringing this one into the world at the moment due to what the future is shaping into. I worry what world he's growing up to live in. Plus I think having loads of kids is selfish.

I'm it saying I regret him as I don't just the world we are in and how selfish it is to have had him when everything is so fucked.

i am an only. i always felt it was me against my parents. my dad always sided with my mum so i felt i had no one. This is why i had two children because i never wanted them to feel that loneliness.

I'm an only child, something of a rarity being born in the eighties as my peers all seemed to have two or three siblings.
I would have liked a sibling. I was very aware that my friends seemed to have a 'network' that I didn't. They had extra friends by extension of their siblings, they now have brothers and sisters in law, nieces and nephews that I don't. I missed out on shared childhood experiences and therefore by extension, shared memories.
I have cousins but they all have their own siblings and were closer to them than they ever were to me.
I lost my father ten years ago so now my close family consists of my mum, DH and children.
I am envious of my friends and cousins with siblings, I do feel as if I have missed out on a relationship which most others of my generation enjoy. All of my friends and cousins have close/cordial relationships with their siblings so although I know its not guaranteed to be close to a sibling thats not within my remit of experience.

However, I am closer to my mum than any of my friends are to theirs.
My mum helps with childcare and gives my DC her undivided attention and love.
I had a somewhat privileged childhood due to simple concentration of resources and of course I shall solely inherit my parent's estate.

I still would have liked a brother or sister and used to invent them for myself as a child, thankfully I have grown out of this frankly perculiar tendency