What is your honest view about only children??

[Charley1988]

My view is that being an only child can POTENTIALLY be a great experience and that all the well known stereotypes of only children are a complete MYTH. The only POTENTIAL downside in my opinion is that an only child may SOMETIMES be more prone to a more rigid upbringing than someone with siblings - but please note I've put the most important words in this sentence in block capitals....

DS is an only ( not by choice) but DH and I are from big families so have tried to parent as if he is not an only. He is a very different child to a friend’s only whose parents are both onlys themselves. Not sure how much is nurture or nature, but he is popular with the younger siblings of many of his friends, sort of an older brother who doesn’t compete.
I suspect it has more to do with his character than how we have parented to be honest.

I didn't enjoy being an only child, and I don't enjoy it as an adult so that's decided my view TBH. I have two children so far

Rachel once said to us "dad I miss not having a brother or sister as I've no-one to argue with"

Only thing I would say is watch what you say around your only child.. My mum always said she stopped at one as I was such an awful baby and she couldn’t do that again, and if she could have had her time over she’d have stuck to her pets. I can see now that that says more about her than about me, that she may have had a touch of PND, and that she struggled with lack of support from her own parents; but hearing it throughout my childhood messed with my head for a very long time.

I have 3 dds who I love and adore but after the last few days I'd really support anyone who wanted an only child!

I have 3, but know quite a few only children who sometimes come for playdates etc. They are all truly lovely, generally seem so much more mature than mine in terms of conversation etc as they obviously spend much more time speaking to adults. They're as unique and different as you can imagine, so mature conversation is about the only observation I'd make as being consistent between them.

As for their parents- I don't judge or make any assumptions as to why. I know from the parents I'm more friendly with that they all have different reasons for stopping at 1, and for the rest it's none of my business anyway- not really something I ever ponder.

I do sometimes envy them the comparative peace and order that they maintain with having fewer children, and their ability to focus more attention on bringing up their child rather than being constanly torn in 3 directions with no one getting the best of me. Buy then some of them may feel the same in reverse looking at my loud and unruly mob who get a lot out of having each other, even if they get less attention and a somewhat chaotic household. So again- pros and cons to everything!!

I have one DC at the moment, and am desperate for another - 4 mc and 6 rounds of IVF so far. I worry that he'll feel responsible for us in old age, and that he'll have noone to share the weight of us with - fortunately we're well off, but the mental burden is still great and I wouldn't willingly inflict it on one child.

I really recommend a book called the The Freedom of having an only child and the joy of being one. I've got an only by choice but the book really reinforced the positives and de bunked the spoilt, selfish and lonely trope.

I'm an only child and have an only child

I was very happy and am very close to my parents. I had lots of opportunities that I wouldn't have had if I had siblings. I haven't missed siblings but suspect I will when my parents are older and unwell but I've been lucky that they are in late 70s and good health

I have an only for a number of reasons but I have recently tried for another but more because of my desire for another child than a desire for him to have sibling. I don't think he would be that happy to have one now as the age gap is too big and he won't miss what he hasn't known. Anyway it didn't work out and I doubt I'll try again

As he I getting older he is all about his friends and I just try and ensure his friends are always welcome and he has lots of time with other kids. Activity clubs on weekends and sometimes after school

He is happy . I am happy .

Only children are far more common now than ever and I think it's a good thing

My niece is an only ( the rest of us have 2/3/3/4 respectively) and is a gorgeous, gorgeous girl. Now 17 she still amazes me with her good nature and natural kindness. However, I will.say that my sister is obsessed with her- always has been which is lovely, but because she's an only one I think it's often suffocating. They are rarely apart- shopping/ concerts/ trips/ meals out whilst, again, it's fantastic they're so close, I'm not sure such intensity is healthy. She places her on a huge pedestal and she can do no wrong. Sister says she will visit every weekend if she moves away for university next summer as she couldn't cope without seeing her. Perhaps this says more about my sister than only children, but I've always wondered how different it would have been if she'd managed to have another.

It's a shame and a lonely experience. Cousins are not the same as siblings.

I felt the same l8toys but I still think that the only child experience can be a good one x

@Yappy12 there are no words. I can’t begin to imagine how you feel. It’s certainly
A flip side to this debate. X

Miley - I agree with what you say about cousins and also friends aren't the same as siblings in my experience. However , I do disagree with you in so far I think it's neither a shame nor necessarily lonely to be an only child

ColdTatty I couldn't agree more with your first sentence.
I was an only and so was my mum and cousin. My mum said 'as only children we're all the same' at the time it gave me a bi of a complex - I was 14 but I now think 'what utter bollocks' and I'm sure my mum must've known it was.

If this is the norm for only children then I am so glad to have had more dc as I would have found play dates all the time very draining

My only child, aged 8, has never had a play date. Either her friends from the estate where we live call in for her or she calls for them. Sometimes she and friends from school will organise a sleepover at weekends, no playdates ever.

If I’m honest I feel a bit sorry for them but I know a few only children and they’re all perfectly nice kids. As a child I would have been perfectly happy as an only but as an adult with siblings I feel so blessed, I don’t know what o would do without them. I love that my kids have so many cousins. My parents were both onlies and we missed out on a big family, no cousins nothing

I’m an only child but probably not a typical one as I have a very close relationship with my cousins who all lived nearby while we were growing up. As an adult I love being an only child and find the idea of having siblings really weird! I’m very spoilt (materially, not in attitude) and have a really loving, close and supportive relationship with both my parents. When I have children I think I’d like to have 2 but I wouldn’t be devastated if we only end up having 1!

Honestly.

I think that any rigidness is more to do with the parents not having a second child to help them relax a bit. The ones I know are still doing that very intense first child thing where they put quite a lot of pressure on the child because he/she is their only parenting outlet.

The teen only children I know are all still very babied about some things and expected to be an adult about other things.

I just don't think you can stereotype. Our DS is an 'only' (by choice), he has just left home for Uni; he is outgoing, sociable, has made a huge circle of friends, found a part time job, made friends in the city (not just uni people), joined loads of sports activities, got involved in volunteering etc etc. He might have done exactly the same if he had siblings - who knows?
Both my DH & I have siblings but are not close to any of them.

If we were having this conversation in real life I’d say that it’s no one’s business why people have only one child and why would anyone even have an opinion about it?

But here, anonymously, privately I do think it’s a shame when a child is an only. I adore my brother and we were always close as children. My three kids all really love each other even if they squabble now and then. I love seeing their relationships and the dynamic develop between them as they grow. They’re a real team. I always think it’s sad when only children won’t get to experience that.

But I’d never admit that out loud!

These threads always depress me. I have one DD who is likely to be an inky for various (personal, well thought out) reasons). I am generally confident that we are making the right decision for us, until I come onto threads like this and am reminded that there is a sizeable minority of people who will pity my daughter for being an only, or who will assume without even speaking to her that she is weird, or asocial, or bratty. And it makes me feel shit, to be honest.

Only, not inky!!

I was one of five. My siblings are not a support. I chose to only have one.

That they’re usually very mature, and socialize well.