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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What is your honest view about only children??

637 replies

Charley1988 · 12/10/2019 20:13

My view is that being an only child can POTENTIALLY be a great experience and that all the well known stereotypes of only children are a complete MYTH. The only POTENTIAL downside in my opinion is that an only child may SOMETIMES be more prone to a more rigid upbringing than someone with siblings - but please note I've put the most important words in this sentence in block capitals....

OP posts:
JapaneseBirdPainting · 12/10/2019 20:52

Just gotta love a stereotype.

Honestly, most people just try and get on the best way they can and most parents try and parent the best way they know.

BellyButton85 · 12/10/2019 20:52

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Original poster
Charley1988 · 12/10/2019 20:53

Only children imo need exactly the same things as children with siblings do -

Confidence/self respect and

Space to be their own person

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 12/10/2019 20:53

I don't hold any views about only children. DD is an only due to fertility issues. She had a couple of friends at school who were onlies. It wasn't my place to judge.

Itstheprinciple · 12/10/2019 20:54

They're lovely.

I'm one and I have one.

Babybel90 · 12/10/2019 20:54

I don’t think it’s as big a deal as people like to make out, we’re all different so some people will suit being an only and others won’t.

Timeywimey10 · 12/10/2019 20:54

Please bear in mind that some of us don’t get a choice about the number of children we have and insinuating that somehow single children are more vulnerable or odd in some way isn’t helpful

This.

I did choose to have one child for many reasons. I don't often come onto these threads because it becomes tedious saying the same things over and over again, but the general view to me seems to be that it's selfish not to put yourself through another pregnancy. I couldn't disagree more. Pregnancies last NINE months and can be extremely uncomfortable. Childbirth can still be dangerous and with number 2+ you could be leaving your first child motherless.

And that's before the child is even born.

I don't recognise the "I need your child as a playmate for mine" picture painted above (and anyway, aren't children usually different ages, so. they don't necessarily (want to) play with each other)?

The only child = spoilt trope is rather tedious. Yes and you are a CFer when you say you have to have a large car because you have 2 children or bring uninvited younger sibling to my child's party or say you must drive elder child to school because younger child won't walk.

IHaveBrilloHair · 12/10/2019 20:54

Perfectly fine.
My only is 18 and has never wanted a sibling.

LemonPrism · 12/10/2019 20:54

DP is an only child, he liked all the attention, had all his uni fees paid and is often helped by his parents. He loved it and he's the most well adjusted person I've ever met

Timeywimey10 · 12/10/2019 20:56

Only children are brats. I've yet to come across one that isn't

Nonsense. And anyway how do you know? Do you ask every person you meet whether they have a sibling?

And what about those with large age gaps so they're onlies to all intents and purposes? Are they all brats too?

Ridiculous comment.

mindproject · 12/10/2019 20:56

DD is an only child. She has great friends and I've never heard her say she's lonely. She's not a spoilt brat, far from it. She's emotionally mature from having had lots of 1 to 1contact with adults all her life and plenty of attention.

hopityhopity · 12/10/2019 20:57

In my honest opinion, I feel a little sad for only children. I think a sibling to grow up with and go on great adventures with is great. Although also if it's a large age gap, they wont have that bond either. All the only children I've ever met have been a bit weird and very entitled regardless of family background/income etc.

Although that's just my honest opinion, lots love 'one and done' and have their own reasons. Do what you think is right for your family.

Alittleodd · 12/10/2019 20:58

@BellyButton85

Delightful!

That stereotype and the "friendly help" (aka bullying) I received from my "friends" to make me "better" and less "selfish" actually did more lasting harm to me than my lack of a sibling.

So thanks for that comment. You're a peach.

devilinme · 12/10/2019 20:59

I only missed having a brother or sister on Christmas Day, rest of the time I was a happy only child.
My dad died years ago and it was difficult as my mum needed care and no one to share it with.
I think it makes you perfectly capable of being on your own - rather too much sometimes, I can crave it

IScreamForIceCreams · 12/10/2019 20:59

I didn't chose to have an only child. And no, she's not spoilt, nor a brat, nor lonely.

JapaneseBirdPainting · 12/10/2019 21:00

The only serious (adult) brat I have come across is DH's younger brother. The third of 4 children.

Selfish, narcissistic. I'll start stereotyping about the impact of birth order on personailities shall I, Belly?

or horoscopes perhaps.

ParkheadParadise · 12/10/2019 21:02

I grew up with 5 siblings.
Dd1 was an only child, she had plenty of cousins around to play with.
Dd2 is an only child she is the same age as my niece's and nephews children so again plenty children around.
Dd1 had a happy childhood just the two of us.

unicorncupcake · 12/10/2019 21:03

All the only children I've ever met have been a bit weird and very entitled regardless of family background/income etc.

Oh sod off.

57Varieties · 12/10/2019 21:03

I don’t have an opinion on them at all. I’m glad I’m not one as I couldn’t imagine not having my sister and I’m pleased to have been able to have the 2 children I wanted but I have zero view on other people’s family size.

nononever · 12/10/2019 21:03

well known stereotypes of only children

What are these well known stereotypes? My daughter is an only child and that wasn't through choice. She was a very well adjusted, social and outgoing child, she was never lonely. She was very independent from a young age and moved into her own place when she started uni. Yes she was very fortunate in that she didn't have to take out student loans and we paid for her flat during her degree but she is far from spoiled. She's works hard (and did so while studying) and has now bought her own house without any help from us.

powkin · 12/10/2019 21:04

I’ve got one sister, she made my life absolutely miserable at times growing up. We shared a room and I never had any personal space, she could be overbearing and a bully. I felt it made my mums life easier as even if we were fighting we were at least occupied, and it meant we had independence very young as I think she thought it was safe to let us do things together. I do get on with her at times now, and it does make some family stuff easier, but I really wonder how I would have turned out without her domineering presence. I think I would have had a lot more confidence in myself. I learnt to share because my sister would give me hell if I didn’t give her what I had, not really a great lesson!

My DD is now 8 months, I hadn’t planned anymore, partly due to money and space and my own experience of having a sibling. There’s really no guarantee they’ll get on. There’s also no guarantees of having two healthy children and I’d rather not throw the dice. I’ve really struggled with my mental health and it has pushed me to my limits, and when I see people with two or three I honestly have no idea how anyone copes or gets to the stage of wanting to go through the newborn stage again, sadly to me it felt like pure torture. People kept saying I’ll change my mind but I honestly can never see it happening!

I hope she won’t be lonely, and there are a lot more only children around now, so hopefully she’ll have lots of friends. My best friend had a much younger brother but may as well have been an only child as they don’t speak at all now and the age difference was so big they didn’t play together etc, so I think a lot is down to age gaps.

My DH has a half brother and that has turned out great, they didn’t grow up together and get on great now as adults. That seems ideal to me! So all I need him to do is have an affair and get another woman knocked up for my ideal family!

Gormless · 12/10/2019 21:04

Only child of two only children here. Am neither psychopath or twat. Most of the time.

nononever · 12/10/2019 21:05

All the only children I've ever met have been a bit weird and very entitled regardless of family background/income etc.

Have you ever considered that it is actually you that's the weird one?

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 12/10/2019 21:05

I’m an only child and so was my mum. It did mean that as well as not having siblings, I didn’t have aunties / uncles / cousins growing up either. I have to admit I was jealous at times of friends who had big extended families. But I’m also someone who is very content in my own company. And when I see my dc arguing and not always getting along I realise that being one of two or three (or more) has issues as well.

Ahwig · 12/10/2019 21:06

I am an only child. My dad would have liked more but mum not so much. Not spoilt with material things but did have a lot of attention. I didn’t find it difficult and have always been happy in my own company. I am never bored and do occasionally find too many people in a social setting a bit overwhelming possibly because I was always used to smaller groups. When my mother was diagnosed with dementia 5 years after my father died and I had to decide everything and make decisions on my own, a sibling would have been helpful however a friend was in a similar situation and her and her brother disagreed on lots of things and the bad situation was made worse by their arguing. So all things considered I think I did pretty well