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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU over non-paying colleague? Lunch dramas

1000 replies

Amelia2000 · 11/10/2019 12:06

I work in an open plan office. Every Friday we order lunch from a local food place. I happen to have a discount credit card for said food outlet, where I receive 30% off. I pay on this credit card and then on the first day of the next month it is paid off via direct debit from my current account. My six other colleagues always pay me in cash on the day (it's usually around/just over £5 each). Sometimes they will bank transfer it to me from their phone if they have forgotten cash. It is a bit of a pain having £30/£40 in cash every week that I then have to put aside rather than spend so that I can put it into the bank to pay off the card every month, but I do it so that we have a nice lunch and that everyone gets to take advantage of the discount. I've ended up getting a little petty cash tin that I keep everyone's money in so that I don't end up frittering it and then having to fork out at the end of the month myself.

There is one person out of the six, let's call her B, that over the last 6 months, always "forgets" her money. It started with me saying "don't worry just bring it in tomorrow" or "I don't have to pay the credit card off until the end of the month so it's OK, just transfer it before then". After saying this, she started not paying me at all until the end of the month, and made a little comment about me taking the money from everyone before I even needed to pay it off. This is true, however everyone else has continued to give me their cash. Like I say above, it's kept in my locked drawer in my desk so it's not like I am spending it! I would be happier if everyone paid me directly into my bank at the end of the month if they wanted to, as it would be easier for me than going into town to go into the bank.

So for the last few months I have had to keep a tally of what B has ordered every week and then let her know that's what she owes when it comes towards the end of the month. This worked for a few months, but the money was always late. She would pay on the 4th or the 5th and I would have to ask every day "ah B, have you got that money for me" and end up subbing her.

So it's now the 11th, it's Friday, she hasn't paid me for last month and so I am £24 out of pocket (The direct debit for the card gets taken out of my current account on the 1st). She obviously hasn't paid me for last week (Friday 4th) either. I have asked every single morning, and reminded her every evening. She just says "I've forgotten sorry, will bring it in tomorrow" and then it never happens. I've asked if she would rather transfer it and she has said no. I've started asking in front of other people (it's an open plan office) in the hope that she would be embarrassed into remembering but it doesn't seem to bother her. It's now got to the point where I am fuming!

We just all started talking about lunch this morning and I have said I no longer want to provide the discount card lunch for everyone as I am not getting the money back in full and on time. One of the other girls has said "who's not paying you?", I looked awkward and said "B, I know you keep forgetting but I am £24 out of pocket, and I can't afford to keep doing it". She basically accused me of bullying her and has run off to the toilets. Two of the other girls followed and said she's in there crying. There is now a horrible atmosphere in the office. She's now back at her desk and ignoring me. The others have said about not having any lunch and how they're going to starve all day. So I've given in and let them use the card. I didn't think B would have the brass neck to order something but she has.

ARGGGGGHHH! Now what?

OP posts:
saraclara · 14/10/2019 09:20

You don't have to stop the lunch thing. HR advice isn't binding. I presume they just don't want to have to get involved if it goes wrong again.

saraclara · 14/10/2019 09:21

I've missed about 500 posts, but is there a reason you're not prepared to order lunches for everyone else but not for her?

Windydaysuponus · 14/10/2019 09:21

I bet she never returns...

NoSquirrels · 14/10/2019 09:22

Oh dear.

If she’s usually OK to work with etc perhaps she has some stuff going on in her life? Money worries etc?

I agree you are right to be annoyed about it - whatever else she has fucked up a good thing and put you in a terrible position and eaten food she hasn’t paid for.

But I suppose I would think arranging annual leave in order not to sort the situation sounds desperate rather than malicious?

0lga · 14/10/2019 09:23

Maybe she will leave and make a claim against the company for constructive dismissal because they didn’t protect her from the Intolerable Bullying of being expected to pay for her own lunch Grin

Amelia2000 · 14/10/2019 09:24

Yes HR have only advised. I think it was mostly for my benefit as they don't want me to be out of pocket any further.

The other girls in the department said she is making herself look a right dick. Also, they are having to pick up on her work and haven't been told she's off which has added fuel to the fire.

OP posts:
Amelia2000 · 14/10/2019 09:24

I've missed about 500 posts, but is there a reason you're not prepared to order lunches for everyone else but not for her?

Even my first OP explains this, no need to RTFT.

OP posts:
myolivetree · 14/10/2019 09:30

Personally I wouldn't stop the lunches if you enjoy them. You're not children.

The CF took leave. Wow. If there are more problems in the back ground to this ( like money ones) why, why, did she take that extra lunch last Friday?

bakesalesally · 14/10/2019 09:31

Wow. I am Shock

FrenchBoule · 14/10/2019 09:34

OP, now your managers knows, that’s good.
I wouldn’t stop the lunches, I would order them MYSELF (so not giving card to anybody) for everybody except CF unless she clears off her debt and pays upfront for Friday one.
If she says anything I wouldn’t be shy informing her loudly why is she excluded and reminding that she still owes you the money for last 6 weekS lunches.
Let her flounce, stomp, cry and shout. The entire situation is of her own making.
Be confrontional, these kind of people need to be challenged.
Good luck.

mummmy2017 · 14/10/2019 09:34

Just go cash only.
And tell B your not willing to order for her.

annielouise · 14/10/2019 09:34

I bet when she does come back she'll have some tale of woe, something bad happened that she had to take an emergency day off, looking for the sympathy vote off the others to keep you off her back with their help. These people are very predictable.

Amelia2000 · 14/10/2019 09:38

If there are more problems in the back ground to this ( like money ones) why, why, did she take that extra lunch last Friday?

Well, this is my feeling too. I don't think she has money problems. Not that it is ANY of my business (and I totally understand that people can put on a front when there are financial problems under the surface) but she drives a fancy car, wears designer shoes/handbag and has two dressage horses that she is always posting pictures of on social media. But even if she was skint and scraping together the last few pounds, why wouldn't you just say?

It's such a shame as we all used to get on so well and I feel like this is just going to cause a rift in our department. I am more than willing to forget it all if I get my money back and carry on as normal. But this weird sulking/crying/taking time off without telling any of us - how can there ever NOT be an atmosphere now? Confused

OP posts:
myolivetree · 14/10/2019 09:41

It gets weirder and more CF. Dressage horses.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 14/10/2019 09:41

I bet when she does come back she'll have some tale of woe, something bad happened that she had to take an emergency day off, looking for the sympathy vote off the others to keep you off her back with their help. These people are very predictable.

Or she’ll have been to the GP about the “stress” this “work place bullying” is causing her and call HR with a sick line for two weeks insisting that it is sorted before she comes back.

Sorry OP but she will fuck this whole lunch thing for you.

did you speak to her on Friday afternoon? What did you/she say?

annielouise · 14/10/2019 09:45

She's a spoilt, immature, stupid person. She's not used to being told what to do - i.e. pay you what she owes you, as people have probably indulged her over the years and let her get her own way. She's immature and rather than accept she was in the wrong she's kept it going so see if you'll crack first and let her get her own way (i.e. spoil her as that's what's she used to). She's stupid as she can't see the consequences of all this - a rift between work colleagues, disruption, she'll be out the lunch club or the lunch club will have to end.

MadameButterface · 14/10/2019 09:47

If i was your line manager i would be absolutely raging that so much time and energy has gone on this

I’m self employed and some of the daft time wasting bollocks employed people manage to spend half the day bogged down in (if threads on here are to be believed) takes the absolute piss, it’s like another world

Amelia2000 · 14/10/2019 09:47

did you speak to her on Friday afternoon? What did you/she say?

No she didn't speak. She turned down all offers of hot drinks too which is most unlike her. E asked me what I was up to over the weekend, I said I was going out for a meal with my OH that evening and then turned and said "please can you transfer me the money as soon as you get home B, as I will need it for the meal later", she just grunted. And Quelle Surprise, nothing appeared in my account.

The more time goes on and the more I think about it, the more annoyed I get. We all have one each others phone numbers. She could have just dropped me a text if she didn't want to say anything in front of anyone else. But nothing!

OP posts:
Amelia2000 · 14/10/2019 09:51

@MadameButterface do you have any advice as to how I could deal with this better, without the daft time wasting bollocks?

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 14/10/2019 09:54

I predict that either she will be sick tomorrow or she will come in with a tale of woe about a sick horse.

Be very careful she doesn’t start claiming bullying in the workplace.

beachandcocktails · 14/10/2019 10:10

Wow I can't believe she's still not paid you and then took time off and left all her colleagues in the lurch! I'm intrigued as to what happens this Friday (if she's not had herself signed off sick by then)...

LOALM · 14/10/2019 10:12

I would quietly let the others know how long she has been lunching without paying so they understand why you've 'upset' her. If there happens to be a genuine reason she's been unable to (maybe she's hiding some kind of hardship) she should talk to you about it. Whatever your circumstances you can't just expect to be allowed a free lunch week in week out.

If there are no extenuating circumstances, make the situation completely clear with the lunch club group. Do you use google docs or similar in the office? If so, set up a shared ordering/payment sheet, itemise each weeks order, the cost and when paid. Highlight any payments overdue. Make a rule to say that payment has to be made (cash or transfer) before you place order.

MadameButterface · 14/10/2019 10:28

Of course op, you all just get on with your work and sort your own food out

I hope you’re not public sector because the thought of my taxes paying for all this fannying about is making me gip

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 14/10/2019 10:30

Obvious avoidance but she’s not doing herself any favours at all here acting like a juvenile teenager-heck no, my teenager wouldn’t even behave this way! Clearly she has never been called out on her behaviour before.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/10/2019 10:36

She's at death's door now. That's why she turned down all hot drinks on Friday - she was in the first throes of her untimely demise and just knew she'd never be able to keep any fluids down stolen deli lunch is just about manageable, though.

It will be at least two weeks now until she can even think about coming back, if ever at all. Even if she does make it back for a short time, it will only be to say her final goodbyes and to gather beautiful comments for her 'in memoriam' tribute book.

Now that all of this has happened, and escalated so quickly, only the most disgusting and churlish of harridans would even consider thinking the tiny matter of some outstanding lunch payments worthy of remembering. Under the circumstances, it's all just insignificant water under the bridge now, so all well and truly forgotten.

On a Thursday, a few weeks from now, she'll receive amazing news of her miraculous recovery. What joyous felicitations and jubilations will ring out across the whole office. How beyond wonderful that this precious, valued friend and colleague will be back in the following day - the Friday.

What's the least you could do to help ease her back into things after her traumatic ordeal? Why, include her in Lunch Club, of course. Just don't be so heartless to even think about asking her to pay for her order at the end of this or any month - after all she's been through, you couldn't dream of it....

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