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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU over non-paying colleague? Lunch dramas

1000 replies

Amelia2000 · 11/10/2019 12:06

I work in an open plan office. Every Friday we order lunch from a local food place. I happen to have a discount credit card for said food outlet, where I receive 30% off. I pay on this credit card and then on the first day of the next month it is paid off via direct debit from my current account. My six other colleagues always pay me in cash on the day (it's usually around/just over £5 each). Sometimes they will bank transfer it to me from their phone if they have forgotten cash. It is a bit of a pain having £30/£40 in cash every week that I then have to put aside rather than spend so that I can put it into the bank to pay off the card every month, but I do it so that we have a nice lunch and that everyone gets to take advantage of the discount. I've ended up getting a little petty cash tin that I keep everyone's money in so that I don't end up frittering it and then having to fork out at the end of the month myself.

There is one person out of the six, let's call her B, that over the last 6 months, always "forgets" her money. It started with me saying "don't worry just bring it in tomorrow" or "I don't have to pay the credit card off until the end of the month so it's OK, just transfer it before then". After saying this, she started not paying me at all until the end of the month, and made a little comment about me taking the money from everyone before I even needed to pay it off. This is true, however everyone else has continued to give me their cash. Like I say above, it's kept in my locked drawer in my desk so it's not like I am spending it! I would be happier if everyone paid me directly into my bank at the end of the month if they wanted to, as it would be easier for me than going into town to go into the bank.

So for the last few months I have had to keep a tally of what B has ordered every week and then let her know that's what she owes when it comes towards the end of the month. This worked for a few months, but the money was always late. She would pay on the 4th or the 5th and I would have to ask every day "ah B, have you got that money for me" and end up subbing her.

So it's now the 11th, it's Friday, she hasn't paid me for last month and so I am £24 out of pocket (The direct debit for the card gets taken out of my current account on the 1st). She obviously hasn't paid me for last week (Friday 4th) either. I have asked every single morning, and reminded her every evening. She just says "I've forgotten sorry, will bring it in tomorrow" and then it never happens. I've asked if she would rather transfer it and she has said no. I've started asking in front of other people (it's an open plan office) in the hope that she would be embarrassed into remembering but it doesn't seem to bother her. It's now got to the point where I am fuming!

We just all started talking about lunch this morning and I have said I no longer want to provide the discount card lunch for everyone as I am not getting the money back in full and on time. One of the other girls has said "who's not paying you?", I looked awkward and said "B, I know you keep forgetting but I am £24 out of pocket, and I can't afford to keep doing it". She basically accused me of bullying her and has run off to the toilets. Two of the other girls followed and said she's in there crying. There is now a horrible atmosphere in the office. She's now back at her desk and ignoring me. The others have said about not having any lunch and how they're going to starve all day. So I've given in and let them use the card. I didn't think B would have the brass neck to order something but she has.

ARGGGGGHHH! Now what?

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 12/10/2019 00:17

Urgh I hate lending money or subbing people you always feel somehow like a money grabber I’d you ask to be repaid it’s very unfair

MsTSwift · 12/10/2019 00:19

A mum at dds sport was paying for a lunch for a load of random kids and did an email “lovely as your dc are I don’t want to buy them all lunch” which i thought struck the right tone

Starlight456 · 12/10/2019 00:39

I support the lunch card is suspended until debts are paid in full...Pressure from other workers as they are I am sure enjoying their 30% off then the pay before order..

Do not let anyone else use your card.

CallMeRachel · 12/10/2019 00:46

Wow, are people actually this entitled, rude,grabby and dishonest!?

Op, you sound very balanced, fair and intelligent. I think you've handled everything really well so far. No one would have expected the CF to actually order more food on your card today, so that's been a bit of an unexpected blow.

I think the email outlining the rules and name of person still to pay x amount sent to the whole group is necessary now. Well, on Monday if she still hasn't paid. You also need to add a must be paid by date on that email so that if she fails to pay you gave something in writing to take to her Manager/HR /small claims whichever you decide.

Tell the rest of the group that until this one pays, no one gets to use the card. Hopefully that'll put pressure on the right places.

I'd also say from now on, no cash - lunches are to be paid for in advance by bank transfer only.
You're putting yourself out massively every week, with absolutely no benefits to yourself.

Has anyone else visualised what this CF looks like??! GrinGrin I can just picture her grunting and scoffing away... Grin

Beveren · 12/10/2019 00:56

Amazed at her idea that she shouldn't have to pay until you have to. She should try telling a restaurant owner that she's not going to pay yet because he doesn't have to pay his staff, food bills and rent till the end of the month, and see how far that gets her.

GossipGirlxoxoxo · 12/10/2019 01:14

I think you’ve made the right decision going forward op. I can’t believe you kept your cool with the next month comment. When she says something like this again just simply say upfront or no lunch that’s your options and then carry on talking to your other colleagues. She is a CF of the highest order as if she ordered lunch today aswell thats some brass neck right there lol

StillCoughingandLaughing · 12/10/2019 01:22

I don’t think she will ever pay you the money she owes, just to make a point.

I think the opposite. I think she will make a big point of paying you, in cash, in the middle of the office when everyone can see her doing so. I agree she probably doesn’t give a monkey’s about actually paying you back; it’s being seen paying you back that she’ll be bothered about. Then, if you don’t include her in the lunch on Friday, she can turn on the tears again and wail ‘But I paid her baaaack!’ to your colleagues.

Don’t fall for it. If she does this, just say ‘Thank you’, take the money and don’t discuss any further. No ‘I’m sorry things got awkward/you got upset’ or ‘Let’s not fall out’ - just be factual and coolly polite.

If she expects to be included in the lunch on Friday, tell her it’s money upfront. If (more likely when) she says ‘But I said I’d pay at the end of the month as usual!’, remind her she said she would do that when she actually should have asked if she could do that. Which she can’t.

Cocomobile · 12/10/2019 01:41

Ok so the whole “you’re benefitting because we’re paying you £5 cash today when you don’t need to pay your credit card till the end of the month” is just completely incorrect.

It’s YOUR credit. If you didn’t pay for her £5 lunch, you would be able to use that £5 on your credit card to pay for something you were buying. Instead, you are using YOUR credit, and receiving £5 cash, which similarly, you should be able to use to pay for something.

SHES the one that is benefiting from YOUR line of credit by not paying you until the end of the month. It’s not her credit!!! Her reasoning is completely illogical nonsense and makes zero financial sense.

NoSquirrels · 12/10/2019 01:46

She seems to have the idea that you’re gaining some sort of financial advantage from the situation.

If she hasn’t paid by Monday, do an email to them all saying, basically

I’m sorry Friday Lunch Club has turned into a bit of an issue. I just want to clarify - although I get a discount on my credit card, I do still need to pay off what is owed and I cannot afford to extend credit to anyone else. I’m not a bank and I’ll get charged late fees if I can’t pay on time. It’s actually a bit of a pain to collect all the money and go to pay it in, so whilst I’ve been happy to put up with a bit on inconvenience for the sake of the team, now it’s causing problems I think it’s best to stop the arrangement. I’m only happy to continue on the basis of payment up front on the day itself. I’m sure you all understand.

OooErMissus · 12/10/2019 02:13

Just when you think you've come across every possible CF permutation, Mumsnet fronts up with the goods.

Blatant place-marking.

Howlovely · 12/10/2019 02:28

It sounds like she's enjoying a bit of a power game here - saying she will pay you but she chooses when she'll pay you and you'll be jolly grateful for it too.
She has something you want/need and she knows this. Fortunately, you also have something she wants/needs so you are in a position to say, fuck you.
Unless she pays off what she owes and gives money up front going forward, you just don't order her lunch. What on earth can her argument be?! It's completely irrelevant when you pay off the credit card, her lunch is paid for at point of sale so that is when she needs to pay.
I'm all for fostering a harmonic working environment but you've a cheeky one here. It's she who is making things awkward, not you. She hasn't got a leg to stand on. She can whistle for her lunch from now on.

Redshoesandtheblues · 12/10/2019 02:38

Is it only me that thought OP might enlighten us as to how end of day went?
Or did I miss it?

HJWT · 12/10/2019 02:54

@Amelia2000 Id wait to see if you get the money and if not take it on the chin and never order for her again EVEN IF she doss pay!

Make sure u send for the food so she cant get any in future

20viona · 12/10/2019 03:12

B is a cheeky cow with some audacity!i would get the money off people at the time of ordering or they don't get to order simple.

shearwater · 12/10/2019 04:06

I'd have said that I'd order for everone else except the cheeky fucker who owes me £24 and can go out and buy her own lunch.

RebootYourEngine · 12/10/2019 04:28

I can't understand why you allowed it this week but now you have given them notice you need to stick to it.

B is a cheeky bitch.

Caucho · 12/10/2019 04:47

I would just unleash my fury full throttle and am not just being a keyboard warrior. The lack of any guilt or apology would do it for me. No excuses about vunerable or abused women because they wouldn’t act like that

Saying that I doubt I’d ever be in your position because I’d never have let it get to the stage you’re in. That’s gone now though so ignore my smugness about where you previously went wrong and just tell her to fuck the fuck off even if it means you won’t get your 30 quid back. Price worth paying

loveautum · 12/10/2019 05:12

Sorry Op, didn't read the whole thread but you said this is a Friday lunch thing and the location of your office isn't near any food outlets, so what are they doing Monday to Thursday assume bringing in a packed lunch? I honestly don't think she is going to pay you and think you need to say unless B pays me then I'm not ordering food for everyone on Friday going forward.

Make it awkward for B with everybody rather then just not ordering her lunch on Friday as she'll probably make that you are being mean, this way you are just not doing to lunch order full stop, if anyone else outside of your team comments.

Good luck OP

Hannah1990x · 12/10/2019 05:37

CF of the highest order! I'd send an email to the whole group saying you can't afford to be out of pocket and there will be no more lunches until the debt is cleared.

BlackCatSleeping · 12/10/2019 05:47

If I was in your position, I’d just take in a packed lunch next week and let the others sort themselves out. It all sounds a huge hassle for you anyway.

Their lunch isn’t your responsibility, OP. Why are you putting yourself through this stress?

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 12/10/2019 06:11

Shamelessy placemarking for Monday

MyOtherProfile · 12/10/2019 06:26

I'm still trying to get my head round her saying she will pay you at the end of the month like normal. That's clearly not normal since she didn't do it last month!

I'm also a bit shocked only E backed you.

otterturk · 12/10/2019 06:31

B tb by. Btbrfrfecw s DAi can't understand anyone getting so stressed over £24 but YANBU, she's a drama queen and taking the piss

PrettyPurse · 12/10/2019 06:37

@Amelia2000 - did you say anything before you went home?

avocadoincident · 12/10/2019 06:42

Wow what a gem of a thread to find early Saturday morning. Can't wait to hear if she's paid. I'm literally open mouthed at your updates OP.

Bank transfers only from now on and if that CF hasn't got online banking, well welcome her to the 21st century!

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