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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU over non-paying colleague? Lunch dramas

1000 replies

Amelia2000 · 11/10/2019 12:06

I work in an open plan office. Every Friday we order lunch from a local food place. I happen to have a discount credit card for said food outlet, where I receive 30% off. I pay on this credit card and then on the first day of the next month it is paid off via direct debit from my current account. My six other colleagues always pay me in cash on the day (it's usually around/just over £5 each). Sometimes they will bank transfer it to me from their phone if they have forgotten cash. It is a bit of a pain having £30/£40 in cash every week that I then have to put aside rather than spend so that I can put it into the bank to pay off the card every month, but I do it so that we have a nice lunch and that everyone gets to take advantage of the discount. I've ended up getting a little petty cash tin that I keep everyone's money in so that I don't end up frittering it and then having to fork out at the end of the month myself.

There is one person out of the six, let's call her B, that over the last 6 months, always "forgets" her money. It started with me saying "don't worry just bring it in tomorrow" or "I don't have to pay the credit card off until the end of the month so it's OK, just transfer it before then". After saying this, she started not paying me at all until the end of the month, and made a little comment about me taking the money from everyone before I even needed to pay it off. This is true, however everyone else has continued to give me their cash. Like I say above, it's kept in my locked drawer in my desk so it's not like I am spending it! I would be happier if everyone paid me directly into my bank at the end of the month if they wanted to, as it would be easier for me than going into town to go into the bank.

So for the last few months I have had to keep a tally of what B has ordered every week and then let her know that's what she owes when it comes towards the end of the month. This worked for a few months, but the money was always late. She would pay on the 4th or the 5th and I would have to ask every day "ah B, have you got that money for me" and end up subbing her.

So it's now the 11th, it's Friday, she hasn't paid me for last month and so I am £24 out of pocket (The direct debit for the card gets taken out of my current account on the 1st). She obviously hasn't paid me for last week (Friday 4th) either. I have asked every single morning, and reminded her every evening. She just says "I've forgotten sorry, will bring it in tomorrow" and then it never happens. I've asked if she would rather transfer it and she has said no. I've started asking in front of other people (it's an open plan office) in the hope that she would be embarrassed into remembering but it doesn't seem to bother her. It's now got to the point where I am fuming!

We just all started talking about lunch this morning and I have said I no longer want to provide the discount card lunch for everyone as I am not getting the money back in full and on time. One of the other girls has said "who's not paying you?", I looked awkward and said "B, I know you keep forgetting but I am £24 out of pocket, and I can't afford to keep doing it". She basically accused me of bullying her and has run off to the toilets. Two of the other girls followed and said she's in there crying. There is now a horrible atmosphere in the office. She's now back at her desk and ignoring me. The others have said about not having any lunch and how they're going to starve all day. So I've given in and let them use the card. I didn't think B would have the brass neck to order something but she has.

ARGGGGGHHH! Now what?

OP posts:
Roussette · 11/10/2019 19:54

NearlyGranny ditto. I started working with computers when I was late 20s and I'm now mid sixties. I bet I know a lot more than some people. Just because we're older, our brains haven't gone to mush.

Me and DH had a computer at home that took up the whole of a 20ft room!

Crunchymum · 11/10/2019 19:54

I assume the £11 or whatever is from last weeks lunch + this weeks?

Can someone anyone tell me which magical card offers 30% off takeaways please?

babyrefusesfood · 11/10/2019 19:54

I bet my bottom she won’t have paid by next Friday. And will then cry until someone feels bad enough to offer to pay for her lunch as she has no food.

pollypocket952 · 11/10/2019 19:56

I just can't believe the scrounging CF still ordered after the shaming Confused

Honestly, some people!!!!

PurpleCrowbar · 11/10/2019 20:01

IF you want to carry on doing this, I'd set up a google sheets shared document or similar.

Table with everyone's name down the Y axis, columns across the x axis by the week.

Everyone types in their order on Thursday & colours the cell green for 'paid cash or transfer to Amelia already' or amber for 'will pay Friday morning' or red for 'not paid, I am a total CFer'. As sheet owner you can also update.

That way, it's instantly visible who is taking the piss.

& if someone is on Code Red the following week - ie 6 days after eating their bloody sandwich - remove their access.

No ordering, no food, & the knowledge that the rest of the office can SEE their red square of shame until they sort it.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 11/10/2019 20:06

This may sound ridiculous but I'd be tempted to talk to HR. Not with the expectation that you want them to do anything, but because I wouldn't be surprised if she goes running to them next week accusing you of bullying her, if you do anything other than let her continue as before. I'd want to get in first so you're not having to defend yourself.

iknowimallmine · 11/10/2019 20:07

You even have to ask this? These girls are taking the piss. Even the ones who are paying you as they enabled B in her antics. Let them go hungry. It's their choice. They can always go out and buy something themselves. You don't have the responsibility to feed them

Honeyroar · 11/10/2019 20:12

I think that you missed a few much needed replies.

When she started making snide remarks about you taking money early/making money you should have replied "Do you not realise I'm doing you a favour and you're being a bit rude. Feel free to just buy your own yourself if you feel like this..."

When people said she was crying and you were called a bully you should have replied that you were over £30 out of pocket after trying to do her a favour, and if anyone is bloody upset it's you. Then you get called a bully on top...

When she went to order you should have (politely) taken the card off her and told her you're sorry but you can't afford to sub her anymore.

When she said she would pay you at the end of the month like usual you should have pointed out (publicly) that she hasn't even paid you for last month yet and you can't afford to keep paying for her.

When you go back to work you should stick to what you said, if she hasn't paid for past weeks and if she doesn't pay in advance each week she doesn't get to order. If you get any fuss point out you told her last week.

Personally I'd not be able to punish everyone else on her behalf by not ordering at all, but it would probably be the easiest way to get your money back as everyone else would join in with fighting your battle. If you did go down that route I'd quietly tell the others individually that you're sorry it's come down to this, but you don't know how else to get her to pay up.

thisisthend · 11/10/2019 20:14

It really does my head in, when work colleagues ask you to buy them lunch at the shop and stuff and then don't pay up. And it's such an accepted part of workplace culture. It makes me unwilling to volunteer to do a coffee run or get chips from the chip shop, because I always end up losing money. And it's shaming having to ask for it. I am super stingy, but will always remain silent when I've been robbed of cash by work friends, because it wrecks the atmosphere and causes tensions.

flumposie · 11/10/2019 20:15

wow. what a cow. In effect she owes you for about 6 weeks Fri day meals. what a c.f. cut her loose.

SweetNorthernRose · 11/10/2019 20:18

To me there is no difference between what B has been doing and some colleague taking the sandwich you brought in from the fridge. In my office that is considered stealing and classed as gross misconduct, particularlyas it's been a regular occurrence and not a one off. I would seriously be having a word with management about this, and the accusations of bullying (making clear that it's actually you being bullied here). At the very least they should be calling her into the office for a bollocking and maybe shame her into paying up.

IfYouSaySoDear · 11/10/2019 20:21

Oh, just ... "forget" her and order less until she pays.

No, seriously!

I get what many PP are saying, but: having lunch together, having the sort of relationship structure within a team that means you'll go out of pocket trusting that your other than her colleagues will pay you back: that's actually worth a lot in and of itself!

Speaking both as a manager and as someone who's always prioritised who I work with over what I do and how much I get paid for the pleasure: a teams that sees itself as a unit is, arguably, the most valuable asset any firm can have and the most motivating thing to happen to any employee.

Don't let your dickhead of a stingy colleague ruin this for you!

drankthekoolaid · 11/10/2019 20:35

I can't believe the cheek! Forgetting once is forgivable but after that it's a ducking Liberty.

Durgasarrow · 11/10/2019 20:37

I truly think that NOBODY should get lunch until this is paid off. Let other people either pressure this woman or subsidize her. How dare they run after her when she went weeping into the stalls. And say she would pay at the end of the month "as usual." . Just put it nicely. "I'd love to continue our Friday lunch tradition. Unfortunately, right now, I am 35 pounds in debt. Until this money is paid, I don't feel comfortable continuing. Can we work together so we can continue to share this benefit?

Collision · 11/10/2019 21:13

Just read the thread....

Unbelievable. But I totally believe you.

user1486131602 · 11/10/2019 21:21

Just stop ordering ANY lunch until she pays up!

If anyone else says anything, just say ‘ sorry I forgot the discount card’ if we all put cash in someone could pop to Greggs for a sandwich run.

I totally believe you and she must have brass balls and rhino skin!!

Greywalls12 · 11/10/2019 21:25

Has she paid up op?

HelenUrth · 11/10/2019 21:34

A question you might ask B next week OP (dont wait until Friday!):

"B, you have had 6 lunches that you haven't yet paid for. Do you really think that is acceptable?"

She can hardly say yes, but if she does, ask her why.

missnevermind · 11/10/2019 21:55

How about saying.
B owes me the equivalent of a weeks order, so why doesn't she put the order through on her credit card and everybody just pay me as normal and that will save her having to worry about paying for her orders so far.

Boysey45 · 11/10/2019 22:01

@thisisthend.Just say money upfront please to everyone and if anyone says they haven't any money and will you buy them something just say you cant as you only have enough change for yourself.
Its only happened to me once when I got stung on a sandwich run after that its money upfront only. Also I wont lend any money to colleagues.

RozHuntleysStump · 11/10/2019 22:18

I’d be absolutely livid at being accused of being a bully. That’s the worst of it in my opinion! That can do serious harm to someone’s reputation. I would escalate it if it’s an option and make something of it. Cheeky bitch.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/10/2019 22:59

I like your thinking nevermind

BasilGump · 11/10/2019 23:11
Shock
ShirleyPhallus · 11/10/2019 23:29

Woah Shock

Bettyrubblespumps · 12/10/2019 00:13

I'm absolutely fuming on your behalf OP ! what an absolute CF!

Going forward I would advise what previous posters have in that she pays up by Monday or you'll take it further - for those saying it's not an HR/manager issue it most certainly is - she's causing conflict within the team and accusing you of bullying.

Document everything so far - absolutely don't let her order anything else before she pays up - put that in the email in that until outstanding debts are paid you will not be facilitating this.

  1. All monies paid before you kindly use your card again for a group discount.
  2. Make sure it's a public email so everyone knows exactly what's going on
  3. If monies aren't paid upfront then food isn't ordered.
  4. Unless outstanding debt is paid, then you're not going to continue. If debt isn't paid, you'll need to speak to your line manager as you've been accused of being a bully for simply asking someone to pay for their lunch.
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