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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU over non-paying colleague? Lunch dramas

1000 replies

Amelia2000 · 11/10/2019 12:06

I work in an open plan office. Every Friday we order lunch from a local food place. I happen to have a discount credit card for said food outlet, where I receive 30% off. I pay on this credit card and then on the first day of the next month it is paid off via direct debit from my current account. My six other colleagues always pay me in cash on the day (it's usually around/just over £5 each). Sometimes they will bank transfer it to me from their phone if they have forgotten cash. It is a bit of a pain having £30/£40 in cash every week that I then have to put aside rather than spend so that I can put it into the bank to pay off the card every month, but I do it so that we have a nice lunch and that everyone gets to take advantage of the discount. I've ended up getting a little petty cash tin that I keep everyone's money in so that I don't end up frittering it and then having to fork out at the end of the month myself.

There is one person out of the six, let's call her B, that over the last 6 months, always "forgets" her money. It started with me saying "don't worry just bring it in tomorrow" or "I don't have to pay the credit card off until the end of the month so it's OK, just transfer it before then". After saying this, she started not paying me at all until the end of the month, and made a little comment about me taking the money from everyone before I even needed to pay it off. This is true, however everyone else has continued to give me their cash. Like I say above, it's kept in my locked drawer in my desk so it's not like I am spending it! I would be happier if everyone paid me directly into my bank at the end of the month if they wanted to, as it would be easier for me than going into town to go into the bank.

So for the last few months I have had to keep a tally of what B has ordered every week and then let her know that's what she owes when it comes towards the end of the month. This worked for a few months, but the money was always late. She would pay on the 4th or the 5th and I would have to ask every day "ah B, have you got that money for me" and end up subbing her.

So it's now the 11th, it's Friday, she hasn't paid me for last month and so I am £24 out of pocket (The direct debit for the card gets taken out of my current account on the 1st). She obviously hasn't paid me for last week (Friday 4th) either. I have asked every single morning, and reminded her every evening. She just says "I've forgotten sorry, will bring it in tomorrow" and then it never happens. I've asked if she would rather transfer it and she has said no. I've started asking in front of other people (it's an open plan office) in the hope that she would be embarrassed into remembering but it doesn't seem to bother her. It's now got to the point where I am fuming!

We just all started talking about lunch this morning and I have said I no longer want to provide the discount card lunch for everyone as I am not getting the money back in full and on time. One of the other girls has said "who's not paying you?", I looked awkward and said "B, I know you keep forgetting but I am £24 out of pocket, and I can't afford to keep doing it". She basically accused me of bullying her and has run off to the toilets. Two of the other girls followed and said she's in there crying. There is now a horrible atmosphere in the office. She's now back at her desk and ignoring me. The others have said about not having any lunch and how they're going to starve all day. So I've given in and let them use the card. I didn't think B would have the brass neck to order something but she has.

ARGGGGGHHH! Now what?

OP posts:
JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 11/10/2019 16:28

Btw...do all these little transfers in each week not cost you in bank fees?

Why would they?

Stuckinanutshell · 11/10/2019 16:31

I was annoyed reading on your behalf and then I got to the end and actually said out loud ‘no fucking way’. THE BALLS ON HER!

Hopefully this has been a wake up and if she’s messing about next time just shut up shop.

newtb · 11/10/2019 16:34

OP,

I like EL2019's email.

However, do make sure you send a copy, bcc if neccessary to both HR and your line manager and

add in the fact that the postponement is due to being owed over £40 which is you cannot afford to carry as it is increasing week on week and the person has made no effort to pay either part of the debt or the whole amount.

theemmadilemma · 11/10/2019 16:36

What a cheeky fucker.

How on earth does she presume you can just afford to sub her, and what on earth does she think you're getting out of it?

Wonkybanana · 11/10/2019 16:37

If you don't mind doing it (apart from the hassle of B) and it's Friday treat for everyone else, I wouldn't stop doing it. Make it clear that orders need to be paid up front, and that you're applying that to everyone. The others will understand.

Somebody must be doing the ordering, whether by phoning, emailing or using an app. Make sure next week that it's you. If B tries to order, without having paid for that day or for her debts, just say in a neutral voice that she's already eaten £35's worth of food that she hasn't paid for and you're not going to allow that amount to increase any further. Remind her that you have subsidised her on your credit card, which could incur charges if you don't have enough cash to pay the balance when payment is due. Then turn away and leave her to stew. When she sees that you mean it she may have to change her behaviour, or if not, you can then start really pressing her for the outstanding amount.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 11/10/2019 16:37

Hold on! She already owes you for an entire month plus 2 more Fridays! So when she said that she would pay you as 'normal' at the end of the month why did you not pull her up on it?
^
This!! i don't understand why you didn't stop her from ordering today in the first place? Also, I'm afraid your patience and tolerance means you are going to be out £35.00. Which is a real shame. You have been going high whilst she goes low. If it's any consolation, it seems to be the norm, these days, look at the US President and the UK PM - no respect for anyone except their own and possibly their families', pockets.

MissLadyM · 11/10/2019 16:42

Has she got form for being a cheeky cunt? If you aren't paid by Monday I would send an email saying everyone gets their own fucking lunch! And get your boss involved. She's taking the piss, stealing from you and stirring shit accusing you of bullying!

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 11/10/2019 16:42

Wow. There are cheeky fuckers and then there’s her.

SinglePringle · 11/10/2019 16:44

Unless she gives you the money today, either from her purse or via the two of you heading to an ATM, you are unlikely to get it.

She’s got away with it for the past few weeks and shown you her nerve. She’s got no real reason to pay you - she doesn’t care what you think of her.

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 11/10/2019 16:45

SinglePringle is unfortunately spot on. Except if the directors are in full view of what is happening, that surely won't go down well with them? You have clearly not been bullying B, that's obvious. I think it might be vice versa, actually.

MouthyHarpy · 11/10/2019 16:47

What a nice person you are @Amelia2000

How sad that the fun of getting a nice shared lunch with colleagues to celebrate the end of the week - a bit of a treat - is spoilt by one person. You are very kind and tolerant, and look how she's twisting it back on you. I'd find that really upsetiing - I"m upset on your behalf reading this thread.

Classic "DARVO" of the passive-aggressive bully, I think it's called:
Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender

If it were me, I'd be insisting on putting in the order myself, and refusing to place her order.

Good luck

Crunchymum · 11/10/2019 16:50

@Amelia2000

Can you tell us what card this is?

magicstar1 · 11/10/2019 16:54

@JoxerGoesToStuttgart

Btw...do all these little transfers in each week not cost you in bank fees?

Why would they?

I was just wondering. I’m in Ireland and the bank charges for each transfer / dd / credit etc. If people were transferring into my account each week it would really add up. Is it different in the UK?

Whoops75 · 11/10/2019 16:57

Just to add

Don’t let her play games with you
eg giving you 15 next week, 5 for lunch and 5 off her ‘bill’. She sounds like the type of cow who would have to somehow have it her way.

Accept full payment only

timshelthechoice · 11/10/2019 16:58

Also same applies about our office dynamic, I don't want to be confrontational in front of the directors.

It's in no way confrontational to state, 'I cannot order for anyone who doesn't pay in advance.' Hmm

Whoops75 · 11/10/2019 16:58

Sorry for the bad maths
Me too say 5 & 10

CherieBabySpliffUp · 11/10/2019 16:58

I don't think she's going to have paid you by Monday sadly. In fact I expect her to say that as you're halfway through the month she'll pay you for 2 months at the end of this month! Do you have a plan of what you will do if she doesn't pay up OP?

BarbaraofSeville · 11/10/2019 17:02

Banking is generally free in the UK, so no, all these little transfers won't cost anything.

You can generally profit from banking if you know what you're doing, eg getting a cashback credit card and putting all your spending on it.

If you pay it off in full each month, no interest is charged, which is why all this faffing around depositing the money seems so pointless. If it was me, the £120 a month or whatever it is getting cash for all the lunches is a small percentage of my credit card spend and I'd probably just use the cash to have a cash float for small purchases and spend some of it on normal spending like groceries, petrol, travel etc if there's a danger of it building up. In fact I'd welcome it as it would save the hassle of remembering to go to the cash machine.

Plus there's so many ways to instantly transfer money to people using your phone, that it just sounds like a bizarre way of making a mountain out of a molehill of all the reckoning up and transferring cash too, although it's understandable if the people with cash tips want to use them this way.

But obviously B is a CF but I'd surprised we've not had the whatabouteries about what if she's in debt, has no money, is in an abusive relationship so it isn't her fault that she's unable to pony up a fiver a week for a treaty Friday lunch Smile.

pollypocket952 · 11/10/2019 17:03

B is indeed a very cheeky fucker.

We do this every Friday in my office ( no discount card though ) people pay before order is placed & no money no food. Simple as.

I would be livid. What a drama, others get it right, how can she expect to continue ordering when she is in debt with you ??? I would have called her out on it too OP.

BumbleBeee69 · 11/10/2019 17:03

B will not pay, because she knows OP will continue to buy her lunches.

MouthyHarpy · 11/10/2019 17:07

OP has to stop including her in the lunch order.

timshelthechoice · 11/10/2019 17:11

That's exactly what I have said...

Then you ordered her lunch and paid for it. Doubt you'll see a penny, she didn't pay you for last month so her 'as normal' isn't.

comingintomyown · 11/10/2019 17:12

My office is the same no way would I lower myself to mini dramas over lunch

I would drop her from the lunch group whether or not she pays up she’s really very unappreciative and rude. If she chooses to make a fuss and the others so much as hint at you being in the wrong drop the whole arrangement

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 11/10/2019 17:14

OP this has been really tricky esp given the office set up and dynamics.

If I was you and the £ wasn't in my account by close of play tonight I'd definitely do that excellent email templated above (apologies I can't remember the poster) and maybe add a line to say B had additional opportunity to pay what she owes.

Do it first thing Monday as that way you have a paper trail and objective account of what's happened should B go bitching to a manager and fling bullying claims around.

Pinkpeanut27 · 11/10/2019 17:17

I’d just ‘forget ‘ to bring in your card . It’s causing issues . If the group want to continue using it let one of them apply for a card .

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