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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU over non-paying colleague? Lunch dramas

1000 replies

Amelia2000 · 11/10/2019 12:06

I work in an open plan office. Every Friday we order lunch from a local food place. I happen to have a discount credit card for said food outlet, where I receive 30% off. I pay on this credit card and then on the first day of the next month it is paid off via direct debit from my current account. My six other colleagues always pay me in cash on the day (it's usually around/just over £5 each). Sometimes they will bank transfer it to me from their phone if they have forgotten cash. It is a bit of a pain having £30/£40 in cash every week that I then have to put aside rather than spend so that I can put it into the bank to pay off the card every month, but I do it so that we have a nice lunch and that everyone gets to take advantage of the discount. I've ended up getting a little petty cash tin that I keep everyone's money in so that I don't end up frittering it and then having to fork out at the end of the month myself.

There is one person out of the six, let's call her B, that over the last 6 months, always "forgets" her money. It started with me saying "don't worry just bring it in tomorrow" or "I don't have to pay the credit card off until the end of the month so it's OK, just transfer it before then". After saying this, she started not paying me at all until the end of the month, and made a little comment about me taking the money from everyone before I even needed to pay it off. This is true, however everyone else has continued to give me their cash. Like I say above, it's kept in my locked drawer in my desk so it's not like I am spending it! I would be happier if everyone paid me directly into my bank at the end of the month if they wanted to, as it would be easier for me than going into town to go into the bank.

So for the last few months I have had to keep a tally of what B has ordered every week and then let her know that's what she owes when it comes towards the end of the month. This worked for a few months, but the money was always late. She would pay on the 4th or the 5th and I would have to ask every day "ah B, have you got that money for me" and end up subbing her.

So it's now the 11th, it's Friday, she hasn't paid me for last month and so I am £24 out of pocket (The direct debit for the card gets taken out of my current account on the 1st). She obviously hasn't paid me for last week (Friday 4th) either. I have asked every single morning, and reminded her every evening. She just says "I've forgotten sorry, will bring it in tomorrow" and then it never happens. I've asked if she would rather transfer it and she has said no. I've started asking in front of other people (it's an open plan office) in the hope that she would be embarrassed into remembering but it doesn't seem to bother her. It's now got to the point where I am fuming!

We just all started talking about lunch this morning and I have said I no longer want to provide the discount card lunch for everyone as I am not getting the money back in full and on time. One of the other girls has said "who's not paying you?", I looked awkward and said "B, I know you keep forgetting but I am £24 out of pocket, and I can't afford to keep doing it". She basically accused me of bullying her and has run off to the toilets. Two of the other girls followed and said she's in there crying. There is now a horrible atmosphere in the office. She's now back at her desk and ignoring me. The others have said about not having any lunch and how they're going to starve all day. So I've given in and let them use the card. I didn't think B would have the brass neck to order something but she has.

ARGGGGGHHH! Now what?

OP posts:
Oblomov19 · 11/10/2019 15:56

"I didn't think B would have the brass neck to"

"No. "

Just one word.

"No. No more. I'm not prepared to do this anymore. "

Amelia2000 · 11/10/2019 15:56

@FelixFelicis6

OK point taken, I will say tonight.

Only another hour of pain to get through... bring on the weekend!

OP posts:
LipSyncForYourLife · 11/10/2019 15:56

Walk up behind her desk and push her face into her lunch and say “Enjoy your freebie, bitch!”

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 11/10/2019 15:58

I am appalled on your behalf OP at how someone could be so rude and brazen and downright awful to you following your generosity.Excuse my language but get the money from her and fuck her off,,she is playing you and your colleagues like a fiddle.Do not stand for it ..its shameless behaviour from her xxx

Kanga83 · 11/10/2019 15:59

Don't look at it as confrontation in front of directors- look at it as theft from under their noses. Small claims won't work- it will cost more than the amount to submit the claim form. She won't pay unless you tell her/email the lot- outstanding payment by close of play today. Otherwise the freebies end and here's your weeks notice that next Friday sort your own lunches. That is not confrontation.

Slomi · 11/10/2019 16:00

OP, don't mind people saying you are a pushover. You are doing a nice thing for your colleagues and should be commended. You just had the misfortune of including a right bitch in that. Very easy for people behind a computor screen to say they would snatch it out of her hand or curse at her but that is just not how you should behave in a professional environment. The situation is entirely on her not you so you can hold your head up high. I'm glad your other colleagues seem to be standing up for you now.

iloveredwine · 11/10/2019 16:00

have you got paypal? she can pay using that.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/10/2019 16:02

The situation is entirely on her not you so you can hold your head up high.

Totally agree with @Slomi - if you've been (falsely) accused of bullying her, the worst thing to do is exacerbate this. I think you've handled it really well.

robynadair · 11/10/2019 16:03

This post could have been about my SIL who behaves like this all the time to me, the rest of the family (although the PIL turn a blind eye to it) her friends and work colleagues. I know about the latter as she has the audacity to complain when caught out!!! Most recent example was when I bumped into her at the supermarket, she said she only wanted a few items so she'd share my trolley. As I'm now wise to her ways, when we got to the till I put my stuff on the conveyor belt, she tried to put hers with mine and was most put out when I put the shopping divider thing on the belt and her shopping behind it! She actually asked me what was I doing and when I said, that's your shopping, she said that she wasn't sure if she had enough cash on her and had left her cards at home, my response was that if that was the case she could put some stuff back and what would she have done if she hadn't bumped into me, I just got a grunt and strangely enough she had enough cash. She's comfortably off but never wants to pay her way or get involved in organising family events, helping with the elderly PIL etc. These people are difficult and manipulative. We've had the flouncing off, the tears, the it's unfair, you're bullying me when actually their behaviour is a passive aggressive form of bullying. They never learn, she's now 59 and wonders why she had so few friends, doesn't get invited out much and why we now never want to go for a meal with her, ! I don't think you're a mug at all. You've been more than reasonable and have now drawn a line under it.

Burlea · 11/10/2019 16:03

Op I hope she pays you asap. But maybe she hasn't realised how much she owes you and is struggling for money hense the crying. Unless she really is a CF.

RingPiece · 11/10/2019 16:06

Urghh fucking ridiculous colleagues. Sorry you have to work with these idiots, Amelia2000

myolivetree · 11/10/2019 16:08

It really is taking the piss and you are bending over backwards, watching your behaviour in front of the others, mindful of the directors, mindful of the strained atmosphere. How ironic when she is being outrageous.

Please do not say "as soon as you can". Stick with breezy if it makes you feel less uncomfortable but say can you pay me " by blah blah " and set a date eg Sunday or whenever. Draw a line in the sand.

"soon as you can" is never to her, you know that.

End of the month "as normal" had me spitting! Cheeky F*K

verytiredandstressed · 11/10/2019 16:08

Everyone agreed apart from B. Not looking at me, and tucking into her lunch, she's said "I will pay you at the end of the month like normal".
I'm surprised you didn't laugh in her face at that comment. That's the point she haven't been paying you !!
Part of me hopes the cf doesn't pay you and I suspect she won't because then you can tell her to do one and never let her order again . I'd carry on with the lunch club but DO NOT let her order and sit there enjoying the food in front of her making all kinds of yummy food sounds .
I'd give her ultimatum before you leave today say I want the money transferred by the the end of the weekend if you don't that's it for you cf .

Minai · 11/10/2019 16:09

I don’t think she’s planning on paying you. The fact that she’s had the brass neck to not only order lunch today but spend £11 on it which sounds like about double what she would usually spend sounds like she’s taking the piss.

magicstar1 · 11/10/2019 16:10

Yes I would have taken the lunch today...what can she do? You paid for it...it belongs to you and I wouldn’t care what any director said.
Btw...do all these little transfers in each week not cost you in bank fees?

Howyiz · 11/10/2019 16:12

Hold on! She already owes you for an entire month plus 2 more Fridays! So when she said that she would pay you as 'normal' at the end of the month why did you not pull her up on it?
Go to your directors and forewarn them that there may be unpleasantness because she is refusing to pay you and you have had enough.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 11/10/2019 16:12

Send an email on Monday:

Just a reminder that Friday (is it only Friday?) lunch club rules are changing with immediate effect. If you would like to continue to benefit from my 30% discount, please note;

  1. Payment must be made before ordering or no food will be ordered.
  2. Anyone with money outstanding will be excluded until the debt is paid.
  3. Absolutely no exceptions.

She can’t complain and everyone else gets to continue enjoying the privilege you are kindly providing.

(Copied and pasted and added to from somebody else upthread).

Don't name names in the email, it'll only be used by B to pull the bullying card again.

Don't lend out your card to anybody else to use, since they can't be trusted not to pay for B.

DO remember that you're not offering a credit service! It doesn't matter one shiney bit when in the month you pay your card off. They pay at time of ordering or maybe they'd like to go to the deli and ask for credit direct from them. You. Are. Not. A. Credit. Service!!!!

iloveredwine · 11/10/2019 16:13

How would she have paid for lunch if you had been off sick today?

verytiredandstressed · 11/10/2019 16:16

End of the month that is another 2 Fridays yet !!

AlexaAmbidextra · 11/10/2019 16:17

what else would you have done this afternoon? Snatched it out of her hands?

Yes, I’d have done precisely that.

Notodontidae · 11/10/2019 16:20

B is acting like a spoilt child, if B was my DD, I would have been cross, and told her to go to her room. Sure she might have finance problems, but then she can bring in a cheese sandwich. Maybe she feels she cannot confide in her colleagues, and has other issues. Why you pay up front for your other grown up colleagues is beyond me anyway, maybe they feel compelled to follow suit with this gang culture youv'e developed. Stop the whole exercise, and let people get their own bleep food.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/10/2019 16:22

I don't want to be confrontational in front of the directors

Nobody's seriously suggesting that you do, though I'm starting to wonder if she's causing drama in the hope you'll drop it

There's absolutely no need for anyone to shout or be rude; you simply tell her quietly and calmly - as you should have done today - that there'd be no more lunches for her until she's paid

Actually I wouldn't order for her again even if she does, but there's no need to advertise that just yet ...

EL2019 · 11/10/2019 16:22

An addition:

  1. Payment must be made before ordering or no food will be ordered.
  2. Anyone with money outstanding will be excluded until the debt is paid.
  3. Absolutely no exceptions. 4) Interest on unpaid debts will be charged at the rate on card. Currently X%APR

However. I would go with:

Dear all,
Unfortunately lunch club is postponed until all outstanding debts are paid. Currently I am £35 out of pocket and can’t afford to subsidise other people’s lunches. When all debt are paid in full then lunch club can resume.
When it does these will be the rules going forward...

That way it becomes everybody’s problem, and not just your problem.
Possible outcomes:
A) Peer pressure will cause B to pay up
B) Someone or a few people will cave and pay B’s debts. You get your money back, someone else has to chase B for a refund
C) Someone else gets a discount card and starts doing the order and can deal with the logistical headache. (Slight risk that you might be excluded though)

SunshineCake · 11/10/2019 16:25

LipSync......is ridiculous.

Drum2018 · 11/10/2019 16:26

If she doesn't use online banking does she usually pay you in cash? If that's the case offer to accompany her to the nearest ATM after work. If no ATM then she can buy something in a nearby shop and get cash back. I wouldn't be leaving it til after the weekend. The bitch!

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