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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU over non-paying colleague? Lunch dramas

1000 replies

Amelia2000 · 11/10/2019 12:06

I work in an open plan office. Every Friday we order lunch from a local food place. I happen to have a discount credit card for said food outlet, where I receive 30% off. I pay on this credit card and then on the first day of the next month it is paid off via direct debit from my current account. My six other colleagues always pay me in cash on the day (it's usually around/just over £5 each). Sometimes they will bank transfer it to me from their phone if they have forgotten cash. It is a bit of a pain having £30/£40 in cash every week that I then have to put aside rather than spend so that I can put it into the bank to pay off the card every month, but I do it so that we have a nice lunch and that everyone gets to take advantage of the discount. I've ended up getting a little petty cash tin that I keep everyone's money in so that I don't end up frittering it and then having to fork out at the end of the month myself.

There is one person out of the six, let's call her B, that over the last 6 months, always "forgets" her money. It started with me saying "don't worry just bring it in tomorrow" or "I don't have to pay the credit card off until the end of the month so it's OK, just transfer it before then". After saying this, she started not paying me at all until the end of the month, and made a little comment about me taking the money from everyone before I even needed to pay it off. This is true, however everyone else has continued to give me their cash. Like I say above, it's kept in my locked drawer in my desk so it's not like I am spending it! I would be happier if everyone paid me directly into my bank at the end of the month if they wanted to, as it would be easier for me than going into town to go into the bank.

So for the last few months I have had to keep a tally of what B has ordered every week and then let her know that's what she owes when it comes towards the end of the month. This worked for a few months, but the money was always late. She would pay on the 4th or the 5th and I would have to ask every day "ah B, have you got that money for me" and end up subbing her.

So it's now the 11th, it's Friday, she hasn't paid me for last month and so I am £24 out of pocket (The direct debit for the card gets taken out of my current account on the 1st). She obviously hasn't paid me for last week (Friday 4th) either. I have asked every single morning, and reminded her every evening. She just says "I've forgotten sorry, will bring it in tomorrow" and then it never happens. I've asked if she would rather transfer it and she has said no. I've started asking in front of other people (it's an open plan office) in the hope that she would be embarrassed into remembering but it doesn't seem to bother her. It's now got to the point where I am fuming!

We just all started talking about lunch this morning and I have said I no longer want to provide the discount card lunch for everyone as I am not getting the money back in full and on time. One of the other girls has said "who's not paying you?", I looked awkward and said "B, I know you keep forgetting but I am £24 out of pocket, and I can't afford to keep doing it". She basically accused me of bullying her and has run off to the toilets. Two of the other girls followed and said she's in there crying. There is now a horrible atmosphere in the office. She's now back at her desk and ignoring me. The others have said about not having any lunch and how they're going to starve all day. So I've given in and let them use the card. I didn't think B would have the brass neck to order something but she has.

ARGGGGGHHH! Now what?

OP posts:
Majorcollywobble · 11/10/2019 15:36

So glad that you eventually got some support from E .
Hope B stumps up the £35 she owes .

Had to smile at your description of B grunting as she ate today’s “ free lunch “ .
Had a mental picture of a pig behind a computer console .

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/10/2019 15:37

She's turned down all offers of tea/coffee which she would usually take.

Turns down things costing 9p, but orders a lunch . . .

You're in a nasty position - I think she's got the brass neck for anything. I would be tempted, if anyone came in to the office, to introduce them and say "and this is B - don't lend her any money or you'll never get it back" (Okay, I wouldn't really, but I would quietly warn people if I thought she was about to choose another victim . . . . )

And yes - I would take her to the small claims court. Even if I ended up out of pocket I would absolutely not let this twat get away with this! You also have witnesses in the form of the other people in the office. Make her life a misery until you get your money back. If she comes to you with cash next week for that day's lunch, just pocket it and say "I'll take this off your slate." What a CF!

It's happened to me too, when I was younger and didn't feel I could stand up for myself - I would never let it go now.

Also - don't say "Transfer as soon as you can" because she will never be able to. Say "Transfer by Monday" and give her a date.

The atmosphere must be awful in the office.

Amelia2000 · 11/10/2019 15:37

To all of the really helpful posters calling me a mug and a pushover, what else would you have done this afternoon? Snatched it out of her hands? Started shouting? We are in an open plan office and aren't the only department. Our directors sit about 20 yards away. She had already caused a scene by crying/storming off and I was trying to diffuse the situation. My other colleagues that are in on the lunch thing haven't done anything wrong.

Yes I have probably let it get too far, and yes I shouldn't have let her order lunch on the 4th. I absolutely could not have foreseen that she'd have had the brass neck to order yet more lunch today! I can't imagine another person on the planet doing that. I have asserted what will be happening going forward though and hopefully she pays up. If she doesn't then that's life, I won't be doing it again.

OP posts:
DoulaDaisy · 11/10/2019 15:39

Ok so she now owes you for last months money and 2 weeks of this months money.

Stop being so nice. Tell her she will pay you by Sunday evening. If she doesn't then do not order her food at all next week, keep whatever other arrangement you have with the other girls once they pay you.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/10/2019 15:40

I absolutely could not have foreseen that she'd have had the brass neck to order yet more lunch today! I can't imagine another person on the planet doing that.

Totally agree with you re: her brass neck - but I would not have sent her order in. Or yes, I would have snatched it out of her hands. I'd have fed it to the ducks before that cow got another penny out of me, I'm afraid.

timshelthechoice · 11/10/2019 15:41

what else would you have done this afternoon?

Very easy! 'B, you owe me £X. I can't order for you until I have that money plus what the cost of your order for today is.'

Lunde · 11/10/2019 15:42

I would not have let her order today until her balance was paid

Mimsnethe · 11/10/2019 15:44

To all of the really helpful posters calling me a mug and a pushover, what else would you have done this afternoon?

Honestly, I’d have turned to the person placing the order and said “I’ve been given £X to go towards the order. Please do not put through an order for more than that amount”.

Or I would have said no outright to the card being used at all today and let everyone make their own arrangements. You’d be amazed at how quickly they’d all find a way to get lunch.

The more you post, the more I can see how you’ve let yourself be walked over.

notacooldad · 11/10/2019 15:44

To all of the really helpful posters calling me a mug and a pushover, what else would you have done this afternoon? Snatched it out of her hands?
I haven't called you a mug but I know would have said 'are you having a joke at my expense now? Has our conversation not happened?' when she tried to out her order in. I would have politely refused to put her order in. It would be a case of 'fool me once......'

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 11/10/2019 15:44

B please don't forget to transfer that money as soon as you can

Don’t say this.

5 minutes before you leave, get your coat and everything on, walk over to her and say “B can you transfer the money for you right lunches now, I’m ready to go” and then just wait there beside her for her to do it. She’ll probably make some excuses “in a minute” (you say, I need you to do it now) “i’ll Do it this evening” (I need you to do it now) (don’t give a reason) or if she says she hasnt got the money ask her when she will have it. Get a date from her. Don’t leave without having the money or a date for when she will have it.

Amelia2000 · 11/10/2019 15:44

yes, I would have snatched it out of her hands. I'd have fed it to the ducks before that cow got another penny out of me, I'm afraid

I know all offices are different, but there is absolutely no way I would have come out of that well with our directors only sitting feet away. It's hard to convey, as yes I agree that in a normal situation (say we had been out to dinner or in an outside work social situation) I'd have felt more comfortable to pipe up. But the dynamic in our office, there would have been no way this would have gone down well.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 11/10/2019 15:48

But to get to the amount that she owes you is ridiculous. You have tolerated this behaviour and it should have been nipped in the bud way back!!!
Theres something to be said for looking after your own affairs.

Amelia2000 · 11/10/2019 15:48

@notacooldad

are you having a joke at my expense now? Has our conversation not happened?

I think I shall be using that line at some point!

OP posts:
DeathStare · 11/10/2019 15:48

Just make sure you are the one who places the lunch order OP

Topseyt · 11/10/2019 15:48

I'd be tempted to make it a rule going forward that you can no longer order food for people who have not paid first because you have now had your fingers burnt and been left out of pocket.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/10/2019 15:48

there is absolutely no way I would have come out of that well with our directors only sitting feet away

I can see that - and I'm sorry if I was sharp, but did none of the directors comment on her running out sobbing? Or everyone saying they wouldn't bother with lunch and they would do without? I suppose it's one of these situations that it's easy to shout the odds about when you aren't on the spot, but I really, really would have had to say something if she'd tried to order a lunch.

Amelia2000 · 11/10/2019 15:49

I'd be tempted to make it a rule going forward that you can no longer order food for people who have not paid first because you have now had your fingers burnt and been left out of pocket.

That's exactly what I have said...

OP posts:
Wedontneedanotherusername · 11/10/2019 15:49

I get it op - causing a huge row in a open plan office is definite no no - although she’s already caused a drama.

I really would try and (quietly) insist that she transfers your money though.

HeyNotInMyName · 11/10/2019 15:49

I have to say I think I would be clearer than just 'hoping she will do it this weekend'.
I would make it clear that you expect her to have everything paid by sunday evening. (I wouldnt wait for her to do there and then because I know I dont do my banking via the app and wouldnt have the little card thingy to do online banking so really couldnt do it there and then).
But it has to be evry clear.
And no more taking orders from her ever unless you have the cash in your hand!

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 11/10/2019 15:50

FWIW I wouldn’t be ordering for her again even if she does pay you by next week. She has massively abused your favour. She doesn’t get to keep benefitting from that just because she clears her bill.

Wedontneedanotherusername · 11/10/2019 15:51

I would also point out that by paying you late - you’re incurring interest which you will pass onto her seeing as she’s interested in how you manage your credit affairs.

BristolCat · 11/10/2019 15:51

I think you've handled it well OP under the challenging circumstances of this CF! I do think you should stipulate to B that you expect the money by the end of the weekend. Then, if it hasn't arrived by Monday morning you have clear grounds to refuse any further lunches for her (which is really what you want to happen). You can then just continue your arrangement which works for you with the other girls.

Secondly, please do consider speaking to your line manager / HR informally, but keeping a log of the conversation. This is to protect yourself in case any of B's CF-ery turns into sob stories to management about your treatment of her or something. The word "bullying" has already been raised be her. Get in there first and log the incident with a manager. You can be chilled and say it's all very petty but you just felt comfortable logging it as it involves money.

Ghostontoast · 11/10/2019 15:51

I don’t think she will ever pay you the money she owes, just to make a point.

The fact that you’ve allowed them to benefit from the discount, and have been doing most of the organising/ordering until now means nothing to her, however she is upset as being called out as a freeloader in the office.

Good luck getting that cash off her!

Amelia2000 · 11/10/2019 15:53

She's always told me that she doesn't have online banking set up, so I don't think standing over her would be a good idea. Also same applies about our office dynamic, I don't want to be confrontational in front of the directors. I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt until Monday. If she doesn't send anything then I don't really know what I can do, I can hardly turn up with a bailiff or force her. Threats of small claims court etc isn't going to happen.

OP posts:
FelixFelicis6 · 11/10/2019 15:55

Yes say “by tonight” not as soon as you can!!!

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