To not want to re-home my dog

[Noselfconfidenceatall]

My DP is terrified of my dog (his breed) he was physically attacked bybone and never got over it . He is a fantastic do, great with the DC, loves my mum's toy breed dog but mine he can't handle it. The hairs stand up on his arms when he even talks about him. He understands the upset it will bring in rehoming , however I don't want to 😭

@Gingersstuff I resent you calling my attitude vile. I just feel that if the role was reversed and if the OP was saying ‘I’m scared of DP’s dog but he won’t get rid of him....’ the answers would be totally different. The OP obviously loves her partner but to prioritise a dog over a partner is madness. A dog needs to know its place which is bottom of the pecking order. If my husband put me below a dog in the pecking order then I would be hurt and angry.

The answers would be exactly the same if the roles were reversed HotChocolate. I’m with Gingersstuff 100%.

I'm going to be a bit brutal here and say that if you try to rehome a staffy, it's more than likely going to end up being put to sleep.

They aren't popular dogs to rehome and rescue centres are full to the rafters with them.

I don't see how you can keep this relationship going................

but to prioritise a dog over a partner is madness

Not always. Depends on the circumstances. My existing dog is definitely being prioritised over a new partner.

The dog hasn't done anything wrong here. Neither has the OPs DP but he's the one out of the two of them that can do something about the problem i.e. get help for his phobia. The dog can't change his breed. Why should an innocent animal lose its home because of this?

I understand some people don't get pets. But I honestly would never re home my dog in this situation. He's helped me mentally through a lot of shit, it would be so wrong of me to disregard him because he's 'just a dog' like that. He's one of the most important things in my life!

People before animals, always.

It depends on the person surely!

I'm more of a cat person but if DH didn't like cats then I would never have gone out with him, let alone married him. Something like that is a deal breaker to me.

Just to add it would have been the same if he was scared of cats, it wouldn't have worked between us.

Your boyfriend can seek help For his trauma himself. Has he? The dog relies on you totally. Id rehome the dp first.

You dont live together. He earns minimum wage. Not the father of your children. He wants you to rehome Your dog rather that get help Himself for his issue. He would be gone.

Keep the dog! Staffies get such a rough end of the stick in adoption centres as a lot of people are wary of them.

I was bitten on the leg by a pure bred German Shephard and ragged around a fair bit when I was 10, it was my best friends dog who had always been so loving, but he was getting old and that attack lead to the vet determining he had dementia. I was absolutely terrified by the event and still have the scars on my leg, but I managed to get through my fear, understanding that it was the exception not the norm and even managed to go back to the house where the attack happened to say goodbye to the dog when he was PTS (a couple of years later as I said I couldn’t bear it if the dog was PTS because of me as I’ve always really loved animals). So there is a way to get through the fear if you are willing to put the efforts in. It’s slow going and will take patience from all parties but it can be done.

I’d not be giving up any of my pets for a man. I left my ex because his vile attitude towards my rescue cats was the last straw in a long list of abuses, that was the one that shattered the illusion and helped me see what an absolute shite situation I was in. I took the cats and moved out a week later (after 5 years with the AHole Ex).

Is it feasible for you to put your dog in another room when your DP comes to visit? At least to begin with and then work on a slow introduction, therapy could also help him, but I honestly couldn’t fathom a man telling me I had to upset myself and my DC if he hasn’t put 100% into trying to address his phobias and explored every possible avenue already.

I know everyone likes a good laugh at the idea but perhaps if more people saw their pets like their sort of children and actually thought long and hard before committing to one and knowing that you can't just walk away from them when things get a bit tough, there wouldn't be so many of the poor things in rescue centres.

Your commitment to your ddog doesn't change because your partner has a phobia. I'd support him as much as possible getting help for it but that wouldn't include getting rid of my dog who's done nothing wrong.

Do you have children, OP? If you do, what kind of message would this send them?

I'm sorry but I could never consider rehoming the dog. Your partner needs some CBT.

As a child I was attacked on 3 separate occasions, once by a cross breed, once by a labrador type and once by a staffie.

One of these dogs was my friends and to be fair he was very aggressive (mainly barky) towards strangers so I had good reason to be petrified of him.

Over time I was introduced slowly to him so we became used to each other and after a few weeks everything was fine. I am still a little nervous around big dogs but I can not let it rule my life. I have my own now and find that helps with my fear.

The attack with friends dog happened in the 80s and we didn't really report dogs then lol if it happened now it would probably be a different story.

Maybe introduce dp to your dog and have your dog on a lead? ease him in

@HotChocolateLover you obviously don’t have a dog? They don’t have a life if people get rid of them, not enough homes for all the give away dogs, they also get very attached to their families, they don’t cope very well going into a new house and family 😞

My boys would never forgive me if I rehomed our crazy beloved staffie pug cross because my DP was scared of her. Never.

I think you have to choose between the two. If he won't live with the dog and you won't rehome him then go your separate ways as you're not compatible. Sorry OP, that's very tough on both you, him and DDog.

I would find a new partner. That dog is your family you shouldn't get rid over this if you love the lil thing. Dogs done nothing wrong. Any dog can attack its not just certain breeds. Maybe he needs counciling

Your pet will be around long after he's gone. Pets are also for life and most importantly, your pet has not done anything wrong. If your DP is not prepared to seek help for HIS issues, I would get rid of him and I sincerely mean that.

*I meant get rid of your DP and not your dog.

I am all my dog has in his/her life. They love me totally, absolutely and unconditionally... They would die for me. Why would I dump them for some new, dodgy "relationship". I wouldn't! No bloke could ever replace my dog!

Choose the dog.

You shouldn't ever give up your pet for anyone. A pet is a lifelong commitment people! No respect for people who abandon their animals.

I am married to someone who won't give up his pet (which I despise) for me, and I respect that and live with it and have done for many years. But it is incredibly stressful, and I often come close to leaving him over it. It's a serious decision, and even if your DP is willing to compromise and work on his issues and everything seems fine, it might still cause you problems in the long run.

I am married to someone who won't give up his pet (which I despise) for me, and I respect that and live with it and have done for many years. But it is incredibly stressful, and I often come close to leaving him over it

I bet the dog despises you too! 🤷 Maybe your DP and his best mate can't wait for you leave... Go on do them a favour 🐕 🕺

Whiskers before misters!

Paws before whores!

Mutts before butts

Iv got a German Shepard. Similar sort of negativity for the breed . I would never get rid of her .

Tartsamazeballs whores?

Split the difference why do you hate his dog ?