Friends have put a pole up in the middle of their living room.....

[FieldsOf]

Two friends of mine, who are married and in their mid 30's. Let's call them Tom and Ann. One DS.

Ann's been getting into pole dancing recently. So last month Tom put a fixed pole up right in the middle of the living room. She 'practises' on it and they've had a few 'Pole parties' where other female friends come over and all have a go. Tom and all the other husband's love it and will just sit there while their 'amazing' wives are 'exercising' while they sit their toasting each other with their beer

To be clear, it's a proper, fixed, permanent pole, that runs from the floor and attached to the ceiling. House is a small two bed semi. Living room normal size for that kind of house, ie - not extended and now there's just enough room for the corner sofa and TV.

Anyway this morning I get a text from Ann saying their DS, who's walking and bolting around now, ran into the pole and was in A&E all night! She sent me a photo and he has a massive golf ball size lump on his forehead, with lots of bruising already.
She told the doctor he hit it on the doorframe.

They are 'okay' parents but generally seem to want to change very little in their lives since DS came along.
Tbh this friendship has been on its way out for a long time on my behalf anyway, this is the cherry on the cake.

AIBU to say this is:

• Incredibly selfish
• Dangerous
• Dishonest
• Bit weird
• Generally just pretty grim?

Banging your vagina into the pole when doing a trick is a great way to motivate yourself to learn never bang your vagina into the pole again hahaha Yowzer!

My mates run a pole fitness class. There is nothing sexy about their fitness class.

You have a horrible attitude OP.

DarlingBud the only thing I don’t think was wise was leaving the pole up unsupervised and maybe perhaps the room is too small for recommendations

There’s no kicks to be had from a bunch of women new to pole believe me

You sounds judgy AF!

End the friendship are you’re clearly not in s good place with these people.

The kid could of hit his head on the floor, door, wall or coffee table ! the pole didn't make a difference tbh !
Pole dancing has a sleezey stigma to it but also it's fun and great exercise. Sounds a bit weird with the friends but they are probably just having a laugh.

Sounds like you've had some resentment towards this friend and are picking holes in them. If you don't like her just let the friendship die and let her live her life.

isn’t it more likely that the friend invited a few other friends around to use the pole and if their partners came they just sat on the sofa having a chat or a beer or something?

If all they wanted was a beer and a chat, why not sit in the kitchen or go to the pub, rather than squash into a crowded living room with a lot of half-dressed women crushing their "upper thighs" to a pole? It's not a big house, after all. they can't be very comfy.

Just... What?!

It's a legitimate form of exercise.
Her parties are non on your business.
The kid could have ran into a table or anything else in the room.

You are judgemental and not a nice friend.

The kid could of hit his head on the floor, door, wall or coffee table !

But he didn't. He hit it off a pole.

One in the middle of the living room.

A legitimate hobby his mother was ashamed to be honest abut to the doctor.

My sister does pole and she's lost weight and gained a load of confidence. She doesn't have a partner so she doenst do it for her man or any bullshit like that.

She goes with a group of friends from all walks of life.

I wish I had the upper body strength balls to go!

Vag is on the pole after about one minute

As much as that's a sexy version, if all you can take from that video clip is "vag on the pole" then you need to ask yourself why you can't see the sheer amount of muscle and body strength required to do what that woman is doing with ease, just how fit she is, and how much work has been put into enabling her to do that, that's years of fitness training.

The upper/lower body and core strength required is enormous.

A legitimate hobby his mother was ashamed to be honest abut to the doctor

Because of judgemental people exampled perfectly in this thread

Pole dancing has a sleezey stigma

Yes it does; but according to one poster were among the "few" people in the world who are aware of that

To be honest, pole is a novelty when you first start doing it. You get people who think it's fun (which it is) and easy (which it isn't). The parties won't last, the men will lose interest when they realise is is not sexy at all and only the serious ones will carry it on, people tend to give up once they try to go upside down....and can't. Only the hardcore keep going. Her kid will more than likely bang his head on something really boring next time like a coffee table, so don't worry OP, I'm sure your "friend" won't have the pole up there that long and then you can all stop clutching those pearls.

@SchadenfreudePersonified You make it sound like a group of men would only want to hang out with their wives at someone's house if it was to leer and perv at them.
Maybe they just... I dunno... enjoy their company, and the pole dancing is just a fun activity that happens to be going on.

OF COURSE men find pole dancing sexy etc when it's done in a sexy way, I've been a stripper, I know they do. But, beginner pole dancers and a bunch of women having a drink and laugh is just not as sexually charged as is being implied imo.

Really, OP?

Plot twist - Tom also signs up for classes

@AutoAnswer and all the wives sit around the lounge room leering at him and his mates and telling them to get their kit off.

MySonIs

Pole dancing will always be associated with strip clubs and sleazy but pole acrobatics isn't and I've seen it done by men and women as an acrobatic / circus skills kind of display and it's amazing.

However if the women are all shaking their butts and prowling around being 'sexy' then imo it's cringy and yes, tacky.

It's not dangerous for the child, he'll learn not to run into it won't he? It could just as easily been a pillar or column or the poles holding up a swing or slide in the garden.

Fucking hell, a small snippet of this woman's life and she is being ripped apart and called names by some people, the mind boggles.

Pole dancing isn't for me but this is none of your business and you're not a friend.

YABU.

Oh for fuck’s sake. My friend had a pole installed in her old place...she went to pole dancing exercise classes and got quite good (and fit!) - it was just a bit of fun for an ordinary mum. It doesn’t appeal to me it what does that matter?

OP pull yourself together.

I do pole exercise and it's not as sexy as your making out. Maybe they had in a few sexy moves but if they are beginners it won't be that sexy.
You sound judgemental and it's not a "permanent" pole! I have one - you can take it down when needed as it holds place on the ceiling beam and floor.
Sorry the kid bumped his head but it's none of your business whether you approve or not

Totally grim.

And they know it, otherwise they wouldn't have felt the need to lie at the hospital.

Apart from the physical harm it's done their DS he's learning all the wrong things about adult relationships.