Friends have put a pole up in the middle of their living room.....

[FieldsOf]

Two friends of mine, who are married and in their mid 30's. Let's call them Tom and Ann. One DS.

Ann's been getting into pole dancing recently. So last month Tom put a fixed pole up right in the middle of the living room. She 'practises' on it and they've had a few 'Pole parties' where other female friends come over and all have a go. Tom and all the other husband's love it and will just sit there while their 'amazing' wives are 'exercising' while they sit their toasting each other with their beer

To be clear, it's a proper, fixed, permanent pole, that runs from the floor and attached to the ceiling. House is a small two bed semi. Living room normal size for that kind of house, ie - not extended and now there's just enough room for the corner sofa and TV.

Anyway this morning I get a text from Ann saying their DS, who's walking and bolting around now, ran into the pole and was in A&E all night! She sent me a photo and he has a massive golf ball size lump on his forehead, with lots of bruising already.
She told the doctor he hit it on the doorframe.

They are 'okay' parents but generally seem to want to change very little in their lives since DS came along.
Tbh this friendship has been on its way out for a long time on my behalf anyway, this is the cherry on the cake.

AIBU to say this is:

• Incredibly selfish
• Dangerous
• Dishonest
• Bit weird
• Generally just pretty grim?

What's with this trend of referring to women who aren't automatically offended or judgemental of things like this being condescendingly referred to as "cool girls". Why can't different people just enjoy different things without it coming with so much judgement.

This is gonna go well...

Why aren't the blokes taking advantage of this amazing exercise opportunity? Oh, because its a 'strippers pole' obv

YANBU, I'd find it hard to be friends with someone who had such sexist attitudes and was happy to perpetuate these kinds of attitudes.

Although, the child could have hit their head on anything, as others have said.

Although the Mums reluctance to admit what he hit his head on shows she's obviously not as comfortable with it as she says

*Go and get offended

Planning ahead is always a good thing....

@MrsPMT don't know the men aren't giving it a red hot go as you, nor the OP nor anyone else on the thread has actually been invited to the party.
My friends a professional pole dancer (not a stripper, a pole dancer, there's a difference) and she has many Male friends who are also professional pole dancers.

The parties of men watching each other's wives pole-dancing sound yuck. There are plenty of forms of exercise, which aren't associated with stripping and sex shows. Maybe all these women could join a running club or gym together, but no, it's all about being "sexy" to their sleazy husbands.

piece of furniture

Oh FFS. Is that why furniture shops are full of stripper poles? Id that why every house has one?

The pole of itself is not a danger, but could be covered in foam.

It does lead me to wonder how much sexual behaviour the child may be exposed to if this is in their living room and the parties are as you describe.

There was a recent thread I can’t link to about how people could inappropriately overhear/see their parents’ sex lives and the damage it caused........

*" you don't put the pole as a permanent fixture in your sitting room - unless you are a tacky, chavy, silly twat."

Thank goodness mine is in the spare room then!

All these comments, how many of you have a bloody pole to practice dancing in your livingroom? 😂

Think it's a bit tacky to be honest.. Removable one if she's into learning all fine but a perminant pole is a bit weird unless it's in a bedroom or seperate room (and I'm not a prude at all).

Health visitor will have a field day with that when she visits

I'm a chavvy, tacky, silly twat according to a pp
I'm also a therapist with a master degree who happens to do a lot of strength training (including pole!) As a hobby, though. Yaba bit U. Kids bump their heads on stuff all the time, could just have easily been something else

Masters* .

I would have probably put it in the bedroom but if they are dressed when using it then it's not a massive deal to me.

OK! The pole could be OK.

Husbands watching / leering, nope! That's why pole dancing will forever be a stripper's thing! Men just can't let it go, even when it is their own wives.

Kid's head bump - happens. could have beena table or door frame! He know it is there now!

Fine to have a pole, but sessions where the men sit around leering at their own and each others' partners sound grim.

@DarlingBuds19

You seem to be getting very irate over something that really doesn't seem that big of a deal. The child could have easily ran into another 'obstacle', a coffee table for example. There's hardly any need to be so judgy.

OP yanbu to cut ties with these friends if that is what you wish, but they are also nbu to live their life the way they choose.

I like to run but I don’t have a treadmill attached to my ceiling.

Pole fitness is a great way to keep fit. The kid could’ve ran into something else. How they socialise with other friends is none of your business.
It seems like you don’t want to be friends with her anymore because you don’t like the idea of a pole in her living room because to you that’s trashy. Very judgemental and weird to want to lose a friend over. She’s had a lucky escape by the sounds of it.

@MySonIsAlsoNamedBort OP said that the men are sitting watching while the females 'exercise'. I assume her friend has told her this.

Nothing wrong with men pole dancing either, equal opportunities and all that, thats not what this sounds like IMO.

I have a treadmill but my DP doesn't invite his friends round to sit and have a beer while they watch me (or my female friends) exercise, I wonder why?

seem to want to change very little in their lives since DS came along.
This is not always a bad thing - you don't have to transform your lives and forget who you used to be.

The pole itself, whilst not to my taste isn't really an issue I don't think. It's a strange place to put it but not dangerous. Lots of people have structural columns in their home. Kids can hurt themselves on anything if they are running around.

The pole parties are gross though.

This is sort of hilarious, though I'm sorry the boy bonked his head. Pole Dancing fantasy life and domestic drudginess collide (literally!)

Well the pole is up to them, but maybe they should leave padding on it in the day if it is something their toddler runs into. I think pole dancing is a good form of exercise, and it sounds like they don't have a huge amount of room so they have put it where it'll fit. The husbands watching while drinking beer together is weird and letchy though!!