Friends have put a pole up in the middle of their living room.....

[FieldsOf]

Two friends of mine, who are married and in their mid 30's. Let's call them Tom and Ann. One DS.

Ann's been getting into pole dancing recently. So last month Tom put a fixed pole up right in the middle of the living room. She 'practises' on it and they've had a few 'Pole parties' where other female friends come over and all have a go. Tom and all the other husband's love it and will just sit there while their 'amazing' wives are 'exercising' while they sit their toasting each other with their beer

To be clear, it's a proper, fixed, permanent pole, that runs from the floor and attached to the ceiling. House is a small two bed semi. Living room normal size for that kind of house, ie - not extended and now there's just enough room for the corner sofa and TV.

Anyway this morning I get a text from Ann saying their DS, who's walking and bolting around now, ran into the pole and was in A&E all night! She sent me a photo and he has a massive golf ball size lump on his forehead, with lots of bruising already.
She told the doctor he hit it on the doorframe.

They are 'okay' parents but generally seem to want to change very little in their lives since DS came along.
Tbh this friendship has been on its way out for a long time on my behalf anyway, this is the cherry on the cake.

AIBU to say this is:

• Incredibly selfish
• Dangerous
• Dishonest
• Bit weird
• Generally just pretty grim?

It could have been a swing.

And the pole could be decorated for Christmas too.

Thinking about it, won't it get on the way of the TV?

How big is this living room?

With Brexit, I'm sure this won't be a problem, as all poles will return home.

It's also a shame that there is no voting button to determine if this pole is a negative or a positive.

At least after Brexit the pole won’t have to be straight. Which is, to be fair, more inclusive.......

That one took me a while.

I know, I know, I'm going bananas.

@BertrandRussell

"Because it’s the sort of sex that commodifies and exploits women. And because people are pretending (and convincing some people) that it is something else."

So a happily consenting adult woman decides to use this for sex activities.... she has been automatically commodified and expolited?

Are women not allowed to do as they please? Are they not allowed to wear pretty underwear now?

"If its sole purpose was for sex, it should be in your bedroom along with your sex swing and your lubricant, not in the middle of the room where your dc play."

Well.... What if I want mine in my sex dungeon? or is that not allowed? Are we only allowed to have sex in the bedroom now?

It’s not a happily consenting woman using it for “sex activities”. It’s alm this bullshit about “oh there’s nothing sexual or stripperish about it at all.It’s all about the core” that’s the problem.

I'm so jealous. It's as if they're having fun even though they're parents. Like wth.

the poster who said she went to attend a pole dancing class and was advised to turn up for the first one in "miniskirts and highheels"

That was me. Last time I mentioned it on here someone explained that miniskirts were just practical clothing that made it easy to grip the pole

I’d like to know whether those who have a problem with pole fitness also have a problem with belly dancing?

Don’t care for belly dancing either, frankly.

But as far as I know, belly dancing has never been an integral part of the sex industry in the U.K.

0010001
Well I'd hope you wouldn't let your toddler play in your sex dungeon, but otherwise knock yourself out. Parents can have sex anywhere they want when their dc aren't witnesses but I don't think any of the "stuff" you might need for sex should be kept out in the rooms children play in.

What about hula-hooping Bertrand?
Do feminists hula-hoop?

No one is disputing the origins of pole dancing. What we are trying to say is that pole fitness is a different thing that requires a hell of a lot more strength and skill, and which is not meant to be sexual. But you won’t have it.

Belly dancing as a hobby is considered pretty respectable even though it’s meant to be arousing.

Not a staple of the sex industry. Ditto skipping.

The issue is that there is much less of a decoupling of pole from the sex industry than people are asserting. As evidenced by the advertisements, the outfits, the imagery and the “nothing to see here” attitude of its supporters.

And the eyelid-batting disingenuousness of the people wittering about the strength and athleticism required for pole dancing, as though it were exactly the same as judo or what the gymnast Simone Biles does in a floor routine, rather than something that emerges from strip clubs, would be amusing if it weren't so depressing.
I take it that you've actually tried pole fitness then? You know, as an expert with enough experience and knowledge to comment on the physical demands of the sport?

Moves that would have won you a competition years ago are now in intermediate classes.

Or is it strength training and fitness when a man does the human flag, and degradingly sexual when a woman does iron X on the pole?

Maybe performing straddles and splits in a leotard on the gym apparatus or when figure skating is flexibility and fitness training, but controlling your muscles to do the same upside down on a pole is nothing more than women being "cool" for men.

The people I know who are good at pole train multiple times a week. They do Pilates and flexibility classes as well as their pole classes. They go to the gym to train their core and upper body, including upside down sit-ups from a leg hold on the pole to help with flips and tricks.

Of course it's totally eye-watering disingenuous to comment on this. It's much better to sit on MN dismissing the strength and athleticism because acknowledging those elements ruins the cool women argument.

Getting serious now, I highly doubt, from the OP that this woman is that much into the fitness side. I suspect it could be comparable to having burlesque apparel. Not on the same league as a dildo but not quite the same as an exercise bike.

This makes it a bit risqué but not grim.

Would I have one or be attracted to attending a class? No.
Do I care if anyone does? No as well.
Would I explain to a practicioner why I'm not a fan? Yes.

But, as I previously mentioned about tango, and belly dancing, it's moving away from a strict association with strippers. It's not surprising that it still attracts criticism while others don't see it as strictly associated with the sex industry.

Lastly, I'd like to refer to Dirty Dancing. Nobody puts Anne in a corner. Let her play with her pole. Or is it her husband's?

I don’t dismiss the strength and athleticism for a moment! It’s spectacular. Why is that relevant?

Lweji
It depends to be honest.

When my friends have had gatherings a few people have pissed about acting daft on the pole, but they weren't being sexy for anyone. The kids would try to monkey climb it and fireman slide down (with the mats down). She trains at home, the pole is in her house, nobody really cares.

Friends I know who've also trained in teh exotic/sexy side train in that in addition to the fitness. It's actually really difficult to do the genuinely sexy and talented stuff without the strength training (a bit like when people do sexy rhumba dances, it's not just gyrating because you've got to have the dance technique). They say some places do teach what is essentially "twirl and flick your hair" but they aren't regarded as decent studios, same for those who do burlesque style hen parties. When you start pole, often the first few sessions are being able to walk, counter your weight, do basic spins and body conditioning. The hen style offers won't cover any of that because it's just titillation rather than actually doing pole.

Anyone who is interested enough to have a pole in their front room (you need certain points in the ceiling to be strong enough and enough clearance around to train tricks so box rooms don't work well) is unlikely to be a gimmick, twirl and look sexy type of poler. For a start, the titillation bedroom poles are specifically not acceptable or safe for aerial arts use.

I have reservations about some applications of the art, but I think there's a lot of people on this thread who have no idea about the discipline, and so argue cool wives etc because they haven't actually got enough of a clue to make informed comments.

I see myself as a bit of a prude, but I've also done pole fitness for a few years.. there really doesn't have to be anything sexy about it unless you want to do the more exotic style (dancing in high heals doesn't appeal to me but then I can't even walk in them)

Oh and about other exercise exercise equipment, I've been known to try out a friends new rowing machine at a party (wasn't a rowing party though lol)

Just because someone enjoys pole fitness doesn't mean they might not be the kind of person who isn't hurt by others harsh judgements etc.

@MySonIsAlsoNamedBort - Not bothered by leering men but worried about harsh judgement?

@BertrandRussell

Have you seen this video of a belly dancer on youtube? She makes loads of money doing this for rich men.