Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends have put a pole up in the middle of their living room.....

457 replies

FieldsOf · 10/10/2019 14:31

Two friends of mine, who are married and in their mid 30's. Let's call them Tom and Ann. One DS.

Ann's been getting into pole dancing recently. So last month Tom put a fixed pole up right in the middle of the living room. She 'practises' on it and they've had a few 'Pole parties' where other female friends come over and all have a go. Tom and all the other husband's love it and will just sit there while their 'amazing' wives are 'exercising' while they sit their toasting each other with their beer Hmm

To be clear, it's a proper, fixed, permanent pole, that runs from the floor and attached to the ceiling. House is a small two bed semi. Living room normal size for that kind of house, ie - not extended and now there's just enough room for the corner sofa and TV.

Anyway this morning I get a text from Ann saying their DS, who's walking and bolting around now, ran into the pole and was in A&E all night! She sent me a photo and he has a massive golf ball size lump on his forehead, with lots of bruising already.
She told the doctor he hit it on the doorframe. Hmm

They are 'okay' parents but generally seem to want to change very little in their lives since DS came along.
Tbh this friendship has been on its way out for a long time on my behalf anyway, this is the cherry on the cake.

AIBU to say this is:

  • Incredibly selfish
  • Dangerous
  • Dishonest
  • Bit weird
  • Generally just pretty grim?
OP posts:
Qcng · 10/10/2019 16:20

We're talking about husbands in a living room watching inexperienced beginner pole dancers and loving the freebie

Qcng · 10/10/2019 16:20

Obviously they do it with tights/leggings on.

AutoAnswer · 10/10/2019 16:21

the ridiculousness of the posters who are maintaining that there are no associations between pole dancing and the sex industry or anything sexual

Of course there is. That’s all I’ll agree with. I will never try and dismiss where my hobby and job originated.

It’s evolved into a hobby many strippers want nothing to do with it, actually! Many strippers don’t train in the way like those in the hobby do.

grumpypregnanttired · 10/10/2019 16:21

Ummm is this for real? Surely nobody is THIS judgey and mean? Pole dancing is a really good form of exercise and that’s why most people do it now - I don’t see how getting a pole fitted is any different to getting a football goal or basketball fitted in the garden to be honest. If the child ran into it it was a mere accident - accidents happen. You sound really really nasty.

AutoAnswer · 10/10/2019 16:22

Also, OUCH!!! Pole burn on the muff!
Fuck no lol

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 10/10/2019 16:22

@Qcng you can't wear tights or leggings when pole dancing, you need to have your skin bare as you use it for gripping when performing tricks.
And your vagina doesn't come into contact with the pole ever.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 10/10/2019 16:22

Qcng - there are hardly any pole moves at all which involved sliding your vag up and down the pole, for starters it would fucking hurt, and who wants burns on their flaps!! You do realise dont you that polers have to wear shorts etc because we need skin grip, not because we are trying to attract the men!

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 16:23

Is it really? Sometimes my students depend on their class to help lift them when they are struggling.
Laugh all you want, on World Mental Health day.

Since you don't seem to have grasped it, I was responding to (and referring to) another poster's assessment of this particular scenario, with women taking their pole dancing lessons back into the home and performing in front of their husbands who sit around spectating and drinking; installing equipment for it in an already small main living space to boot. I agreed with her overall assessment of it in cultural and equality terms.

I was not referring to yourself and your students - unless they do the above and are also too hypocritical to admit the real cause of injury to the child.

Qcng · 10/10/2019 16:24

I Googled "pole dancing demonstration".
Top video result.
Vag is on the pole after about one minute.
It's what the blokes are looking for!

0lapislazuli · 10/10/2019 16:24

YANBU. It’s tacky and definitely not child friendly. Putting a new obstacle in the middle of the living room with a little kid is just an accident waiting to happen. And those people clearly have no taste. Pole parties? All those people saying it’s just exercise and nothing sexual, I’ve never heard of jogging parties or Pilates parties!

AutoAnswer · 10/10/2019 16:25

DarlingBuds you do realise that’s the OPs judgemental interpretation of the whole situation is highly unlikely and just sliiiightly biased towards her own views

00100001 · 10/10/2019 16:26

@0lapislazuli "Putting a new obstacle in the middle of the living room with a little kid is just an accident waiting to happen."

Oh so now no-one is allowed to add or change any furniture in their house if a little kid is living there? Confused

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 16:27

Of course there is. That’s all I’ll agree with. I will never try and dismiss where my hobby and job originated.

Thank you.
Fwiw I enjoy pole fitness or whatever the right term as much as any kind of dance, I appreciate the strength & fitness needed, I love Jenyne Butterfly and think she's an artist & athlete.

00100001 · 10/10/2019 16:28

"All those people saying it’s just exercise and nothing sexual, I’ve never heard of jogging parties or Pilates parties!"
well, maybe you aren't invited to them. :p

And even if it is just about sex. SO FUCKING WHAT? It's not like they're having an orgy in front of the kids... What's so shocking about consenting adults having sex in whatever way they like?

BlueJava · 10/10/2019 16:28

If that's what they are into and are all consenting adults then I'd not worry about it - you seem quite disapproving of it. In my view it would be a stupid place to put a pole but whatever they are into - their sitting (poling?) area! It's a shame DS hit his head on it but it could have been anything really. I'd just reply "Sorry to hear about DS, what a nightmare for you. Hope he is much better soon!" and leave it at that.

AutoAnswer · 10/10/2019 16:28

Vag is on the pole after about one minute

That studio is highly reputable , professional trained instructors and no-one can grip the pole with their vagina. No-one.
In the part you are referring to, she’s gripping with her thighs.

Bluntness100 · 10/10/2019 16:29

DarlingBuds you do realise that’s the OPs judgemental interpretation of the whole situation is highly unlikely and just sliiiightly biased towards her own views

I think enough has been posted to show it's not just highly unlikely but totally improbable, but some posters don't like to let the facts get in the way of some proper hyacinth bouquet outrage 🤣

AutoAnswer · 10/10/2019 16:29

Everything 00100001 said as well.

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 10/10/2019 16:29

@Qcng I think you were referring the the inverted V she did, agree if you aren't familiar with the trick it does look like it. But she's using the skin of her upper inner thigh to grip.
Also... notice it's all her students (who all but one appear to be female) watching her, not leery men.
Of course men enjoy pole dancing and find it attractive but that doesn't mean it's the reason a woman is doing it.
Pole is done for all sorts of reasons, and generally these days, it's for fitness.

AutoAnswer · 10/10/2019 16:30

Bluntness100 it’s not like these people are going to listen to knowledge now , is it? 😂

grumpypregnanttired · 10/10/2019 16:30

Oh please 🙄 am I the only one who is skeptical about the existence of these ‘pole parties’ with men sitting around leering? Given the OPs nasty judgemental tone, isn’t it more likely that the friend invited a few other friends around to use the pole and if their partners came they just sat on the sofa having a chat or a beer or something? OP sounds like such a prude she’s probably made this crazy seedy in her head when really it’s not that big of a deal. It’s sad that people are still so judgey. Like a PP said, pole is an incredibly popular form of fitness due to how effective it is and how well it builds up strength - it’s was one of the most popular extra-curriculars at my university and is at many universities and unlike the vulgar poster who said it’s for ‘chavvy’ people, it was actually well-educated, intelligent students attending.

8BumbleBee8 · 10/10/2019 16:31

People are allowed to be different and love different things as long as no one is being harmed. That doesn't mean they are less deserving of respect than you are.
You need to live and love a little.

ViciousJackdaw · 10/10/2019 16:31

no-one can grip the pole with their vagina

I did this once. Ah, Janusz, it was a shame you had to go back to Warsaw...

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 16:33

DarlingBuds you do realise that’s the OPs judgemental interpretation of the whole situation is highly unlikely and just sliiiightly biased towards her own views

You think op is making up that this woman's child got injured on a pole dancing pole she put in the main living room of their house (probably in the middle of it since since you need space around it and it's z small room apparently)?

You also think she's making up that the woman's husband and their friends husbands gave gone around and watched them performing what they've learned on the pole and had some drinks?

I don't.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/10/2019 16:33

Hmm I can't see anything wrong with a woman sliding her vag up and down on a massive phallic symbol in the middle of the sitting room while men stand around rating her. Nope.

I thought something similar when somebody posted that there was nothing sexual about pole dancing, Qcng. Have none of them heard about Freudian theory? Or Maypoles?