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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends have put a pole up in the middle of their living room.....

457 replies

FieldsOf · 10/10/2019 14:31

Two friends of mine, who are married and in their mid 30's. Let's call them Tom and Ann. One DS.

Ann's been getting into pole dancing recently. So last month Tom put a fixed pole up right in the middle of the living room. She 'practises' on it and they've had a few 'Pole parties' where other female friends come over and all have a go. Tom and all the other husband's love it and will just sit there while their 'amazing' wives are 'exercising' while they sit their toasting each other with their beer Hmm

To be clear, it's a proper, fixed, permanent pole, that runs from the floor and attached to the ceiling. House is a small two bed semi. Living room normal size for that kind of house, ie - not extended and now there's just enough room for the corner sofa and TV.

Anyway this morning I get a text from Ann saying their DS, who's walking and bolting around now, ran into the pole and was in A&E all night! She sent me a photo and he has a massive golf ball size lump on his forehead, with lots of bruising already.
She told the doctor he hit it on the doorframe. Hmm

They are 'okay' parents but generally seem to want to change very little in their lives since DS came along.
Tbh this friendship has been on its way out for a long time on my behalf anyway, this is the cherry on the cake.

AIBU to say this is:

  • Incredibly selfish
  • Dangerous
  • Dishonest
  • Bit weird
  • Generally just pretty grim?
OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 10/10/2019 16:49

Yes it does; but according to one poster were among the "few" people in the world who are aware of that

No, you're among the "few" people in the world that don't realise there is another reason for it, pole fitness, which isn't remotely sexy, and you're also among the "few" people in the world who doesn't seem to realise no one is getting on a pole and doing anything remotely sexy without months of practice.

Benes · 10/10/2019 16:50

I wish people would stop using the grim to describe anything that is considered remotely sexual.

There are some seriously repressed attitudes towards sex on MN

easyandy101 · 10/10/2019 16:50

The bit where she's holding the pole between her thigh and stomach/side Shock

What a fucking tank she must be!

JoObrien7 · 10/10/2019 16:52

@FieldsOf

Are your friends into wife swapping as well? Check if they have pampas grass in their front garden.

A neighbour of ours planted some pampas grass and was horrified when I told them what it meant.

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/pampas-grass-sales-swinging-sex-connotations-seventies-houses-front-garden-a7764796.html

tolerable · 10/10/2019 16:52

you are being a judgey knob.

Tavannach · 10/10/2019 16:52

I wish people would stop using the grim to describe anything that is considered remotely sexual.

It's the commodification of women that's grim.

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 16:54

*Plot twist - Tom also signs up for classes

and all the wives sit around the lounge room leering at him and his mates and telling them to get their kit off.*

If they did, I'd have no objection to this.

Aside from their kid possibly walking up with it going on ..

And the utter stupidity & tackiness of having the pole stuck in the middle of your living room.

Incidentally I've seen some male dancers/strippers pole dancing - v different to what females usually do, their sheer upper body strength makes it spectacular.

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 16:55

Not that females can't be spectacular, but the males did some things so easily in comparison. It was like watching big jungle cats or something

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 16:56

*walking in

Benes · 10/10/2019 16:56

It's the commodification of women that's grim

Have I missed the part where the husbands are paying their wives to pole dance?

AutoAnswer · 10/10/2019 16:57

Males do exotic pole dance too. It’s awesome

Bluntness100 · 10/10/2019 16:57

It's the commodification of women that's grim

Agree, and the op and the posters adamant these women can only be doing thus for sexual purposes stand guilty.

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 16:57

No, you're among the "few" people in the world that don't realise there is another reason for it, pole fitness, which isn't remotely sexy, and you're also among the "few" people in the world who doesn't seem to realise no one is getting on a pole and doing anything remotely sexy without months of practice.

Wrong on all counts.

As for sexy, that's in the eye of the beholder like beauty.

00100001 · 10/10/2019 16:58

@Tavannach " Apart from the physical harm it's done their DS he's learning all the wrong things about adult relationships"

Firstly, what makes you think the toddler is exposed these parties?

Secondly - let's imagine they were, and somehow the presence of a pole somehow teaches a child about adult relationships... What are they teaching him? ... Have fun with other consenting adults in a way that everyone is happy with?

THE HORROR!!!! Shock

AutoAnswer · 10/10/2019 16:58

Have I missed the part where the husbands are paying their wives to pole dance?

People’s imaginations have run riot huh? Grin

Anyway OP, receipts or it didn’t happen.

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 16:59

Have I missed the part where the husbands are paying their wives to pole dance?

Commodification doesn't have to involve physical exchange of cash.

BertrandRussell · 10/10/2019 16:59

“ I wish people would stop using the grim to describe anything that is considered remotely sexual.”

And there was me thinking that “pole fitness” isn’t remotely sexual. Cos that’s what the apologists always tell
me. All about the core, innit?

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 16:59

what makes you think the toddler is exposed these parties?

They could easily be.

Loopytiles · 10/10/2019 17:00

This has got to end up in the tabloids!

AutoAnswer · 10/10/2019 17:01

And there was me thinking that “pole fitness” isn’t remotely sexual. Cos that’s what the apologists always tell
me. All about the core, innit?

When I started, it wasn’t.
It is what you make it. And there’s nothing wrong with it being sexual either.

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 17:03

Have fun with other consenting adults in a way that everyone is happy with?

Its women performing for men.

Unless the men perform, which seems unlikely in this case. They aren't the ones who been taking the lessons.

Drabarni · 10/10/2019 17:04

Good for them, sounds like they have fun.
Not sure I could do it physically, you must need to be pretty fit.
I'll just stick to my belly dancing and perfecting the 7 veils for my dh.

Benes · 10/10/2019 17:05

I've never said that pole dancing isn't sexual.

I'm objecting the overuse of the word grim in relation to any sexual activity. It's getting ridiculous

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 10/10/2019 17:06

I love a pole routine that is a crazy combination of flexibility and strength, and a cheeky bit of sexiness thrown in. Because at the end of the day, why shouldn't women (or men) be allowed to feel a bit sexy.

However, it's the opinion from people who think it is all about thrusting and rubbing sexually all over a pole purely for the pleasure of men that annoy me, pole fitness is not designed to please men's peepers, sure they will look and enjoy it, but I've been to professional pole competition in the past and usually the guy friends I've gone with have been with have ended up being more like "HOLY CRAP THAT'S CRAZY" at the impressive tricks and skill involved rather than nursing the half chubs as a PP said.

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 10/10/2019 17:07

Nursing their** half chubs.

Sorry that last post was a grammatical nightmare!

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