Friends have put a pole up in the middle of their living room.....

[FieldsOf]

Two friends of mine, who are married and in their mid 30's. Let's call them Tom and Ann. One DS.

Ann's been getting into pole dancing recently. So last month Tom put a fixed pole up right in the middle of the living room. She 'practises' on it and they've had a few 'Pole parties' where other female friends come over and all have a go. Tom and all the other husband's love it and will just sit there while their 'amazing' wives are 'exercising' while they sit their toasting each other with their beer

To be clear, it's a proper, fixed, permanent pole, that runs from the floor and attached to the ceiling. House is a small two bed semi. Living room normal size for that kind of house, ie - not extended and now there's just enough room for the corner sofa and TV.

Anyway this morning I get a text from Ann saying their DS, who's walking and bolting around now, ran into the pole and was in A&E all night! She sent me a photo and he has a massive golf ball size lump on his forehead, with lots of bruising already.
She told the doctor he hit it on the doorframe.

They are 'okay' parents but generally seem to want to change very little in their lives since DS came along.
Tbh this friendship has been on its way out for a long time on my behalf anyway, this is the cherry on the cake.

AIBU to say this is:

• Incredibly selfish
• Dangerous
• Dishonest
• Bit weird
• Generally just pretty grim?

@Bluntness100 Agreed! If anyone had seen a beginning or amateur attempt on a pole it isn't sexy really. When I started I had trouble remembering my rights from lefts, I don't think anyone would have been leering at me.
Oh, and the strained facial expressions when you're building strength, similar to the faces you see on World's Strongest Man contests... very erotic indeed 😂

@BlackCatSleeping I read your post as though your phone had auto corrected from pot noodle and thought how the fuck would that work?!

People put them in their living rooms because there is no room anywhere else.

So as much as the filthy prudish minds are running amok

Yes it is so filthy minded to acknowledge that pole dancing originated in and is still widely associated with strip clubs and that men sir around watching (even amateur) women doing said activity with exactly the mentality that they sit watching the footie with.

Yup. There is nothing sexy about someone trying desperately to haul themselves up a pole and failing miserably.

I think some of the posters on here seem to think you just grab on and do it. You don't.

I'm in the gym six days a week, I'm physically fit, I do weights, and fuck me, even I couldn't do what these people can do. It takes serious muscle definition and practice to do anything remotely with ease.

My cousins wife is a pole dancer and they had a pole in their living room at their old house. She used to have pole parties and as soon as they can get it sorted are having one in their new house.

They are both women though, not sure how lesbians fit into the idea it's merely a titillation for the menz. I think my dh would rather stick pins in his eyes than come and watch me learn how to pole dance. Same as if I took up cabaret dancing or tap dancing I imagine.

Each to their own. As long as they don't have pampas grass in the front garden I wouldn't worry about it. It's not like the child concussed himself on a giant dildo is it.

Also, if it is so chavy, what is going on with all the pole dancing clubs at universities?

LOL.

Cos university students can't possibly...

This is probably quite outing, but as a teenager one of my friends dads remarried a much much younger woman (she was closer to our age than his by a long way) and she installed a pole in my friend's bedroom at her dad's house. The logic was I suppose that my friend wasn't always there due to 50:50 contact, but she found it gross that her stepmum was doing sexual stuff in her bedroom. Because it wasn't just exercise - it's obviously titilating to men who enjoy going to strip clubs.

I personally don't think pole dancing should be promoted as exercise, it feeds into the idea of women as sex objects - no one really associates pole dancing with anything but strippers. There are plenty of other forms of exercise available that aren't reminiscent of 'sex work'. The husbands sitting around to watch, they wouldn't be watching if it was a load of women on treadmills or spinning. Having it out in the living room in front of children is just gross. Yes the child could have bumped their head on anything, it's less the physical and more the psychological damage inflicted when he realises the common associations with pole dancing. Not to mention bullying at school.

OP made it sound seedy AF

The reality is more likely that these women are new to this, bruised , lack core and grip strength at the moment, winging it, probably injuring themselves with lack of technique. It's not that pretty - it takes quite a while to get the skill to make it look remotely sexy!

The husbands are simply having beers, probably ignoring them most of the time.

As for lying about the pole - there's a reason for that. People like YOU OP.
Most pole dancers start pole and don't talk about it in fear of being judged.

It would seem the most prudish also have the filthiest minds
Yup!

@DarlingBuds19 The use of poles in acrobatic entertainment can be traced back to over 800 years ago in India. Both Mallakhamb and Chinese Pole originated in India.

Yes it is so filthy minded to acknowledge that pole dancing originated in and is still widely associated with strip clubs and that men sir around watching (even amateur) women doing said activity with exactly the mentality that they sit watching the footie with

No one is disputing where it originated. What people are saying is time has moved on. Now it's used for physical fitness and no amateur woman is doing anything remotely sexy on a pole because it's bloody hard. And I mean really bloody hard.

@DarlingBuds19. There are many very animate Poles in this country and many others, particularly Poland.

My point in specifying an animate pole is that it is ridiculous to blame a stationary object for an accident. The nature of the stationary object is irrelevant.

And to whoever said this couple ‘had to lie’ to the HCP, I would disagree. They chose to lie, perhaps because they are aware how judgy some people can be.

I think YABU. Sounds like a lot of fun; I’d go to one of their parties.

The kid banging his head on the pole is completely irrelevant really. Kids bang their heads on all sorts of things. If you have an issue with that you may as well live in an unfurnished house.

Myson, thanks and I didn't know that about it's origins.

I can imagine it to be more - they had friends round and everyone's had a couple. The women decide to have a try of the pole. They do the odd spin and a slut drop but nothing remotely resembling sexy skilled pole dancing.
The men carry on discussing their biking hobby or foot ball or some other such manly crap.

Between my scenario and the one posted earlier about semis and what not I think mine is more likely!

Has anyone ever seen a really uncomfortable black comedy called nighty night with Angus Deaton?

There's an episode with exactly this in it, encapsulating the sheet cringe .. and that's without the toddler injuries.

no one really associates pole dancing with anything but strippers

That's funny - because I doubt anyone thought stripper at the latest Australia's Got Talent winner.

Pole is an amazing sport, and yes it is a sport. I did it for many years, taught it for a few and believe me, there is nothing sexy about me. There is a massive difference between pole fitness and pole dancing, not that I see an issue with pole dancing anyway, but you always get those narrow minded people who just can't see beyond their bigoted views. Pole fitness is a great exercise which should be promoted as exercise, it is great for strength, confidence and to be good you have to be dedicated. When my son was small, through till he was about 12, would see me practicing and didn't bat an eye lid. Was just mum doing her thing, nothing sleazy or seedy and when I pulled off an impressive move I think he was quite in awe.

Some people really need to open their minds.

a slut drop

That must be a different 'slut' than the common usage though, mustn't it? Because there are absolutely no sexual connotations in pole dancing and anyone who thinks there are is filthy minded (and yet prudish at the same time)???

• sheer cringe

Dangerous, yes.

It seems like a bizarre thing to do. Whatever will they do next, put a car engine in the middle of the kitchen?

However it's not wrong and pole 'dancing' is excellent exercise. They need to pad the pole when not in use so that their child doesn't hurt themselves again, poor little kid.

I can't quite work out (ha ha, 'work out'), why you don't want to be friends with her any more; she obviously values your friendship, she told you about the A&E trip and sent you photograph of the injury. She trusts you.

It was silly of her to lie but she was put on the spot and may have felt embarrassed at the idea of telling the doctor about the pole being a permanent fixture in the living room. As someone else said, poles are associated, in the minds of some, with the sex industry.

Interesting though, op.

And if the friend is so into it and hip and cool, etc, why not admit it was the pole that the boy ran into? Why make up the bit about the door frame?

Refer to about half of the previous 35 posts for reasons

what is going on with all the pole dancing clubs at universities?

Nearly joined one myself once because a couple of friends were going and it’s basically just a kind of acrobatics right? and so on. But they asked everyone to turn up for their first lesson in miniskirts and high heels so, naaaaah. Call me Prudie Judgeypants if you will.

I think the pole dancing itself is fine if that's what she wants to do - but the husbands watching is unsavoury to say the least. I also think that anything that endangers a child needs to be considered carefully.

By all means have a hobby; have pole-dancing as a hobby; have friends round to dance and have their husband's leer at the women - I think it's nasty, but that's my opinion and others think differently - but don't have the pole in the middle of the room where a small, excited child can hurt himself on it.

You could argue that he could hit himself just as easily a doorframe- but he didn't. He hit himself on a pole. What parent knowingly introduces a hazard into the home? If their hobby was fishing, would it be okay to leave a box of hooks lying around? If it was marquetry, would you expect a sharp knife to be left within reach?

Of course not. Same with this. It's an avoidable risk. They should move the pole.

A slut drop is a particular dance move where you drop to the floor. It may have other names but that one is commonly used and I am fairly sure you know the move I was referring to.