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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends have put a pole up in the middle of their living room.....

457 replies

FieldsOf · 10/10/2019 14:31

Two friends of mine, who are married and in their mid 30's. Let's call them Tom and Ann. One DS.

Ann's been getting into pole dancing recently. So last month Tom put a fixed pole up right in the middle of the living room. She 'practises' on it and they've had a few 'Pole parties' where other female friends come over and all have a go. Tom and all the other husband's love it and will just sit there while their 'amazing' wives are 'exercising' while they sit their toasting each other with their beer Hmm

To be clear, it's a proper, fixed, permanent pole, that runs from the floor and attached to the ceiling. House is a small two bed semi. Living room normal size for that kind of house, ie - not extended and now there's just enough room for the corner sofa and TV.

Anyway this morning I get a text from Ann saying their DS, who's walking and bolting around now, ran into the pole and was in A&E all night! She sent me a photo and he has a massive golf ball size lump on his forehead, with lots of bruising already.
She told the doctor he hit it on the doorframe. Hmm

They are 'okay' parents but generally seem to want to change very little in their lives since DS came along.
Tbh this friendship has been on its way out for a long time on my behalf anyway, this is the cherry on the cake.

AIBU to say this is:

  • Incredibly selfish
  • Dangerous
  • Dishonest
  • Bit weird
  • Generally just pretty grim?
OP posts:
FriedasCarLoad · 10/10/2019 15:33

I don’t think your friend should have lied to the doctors. And why lie, if there’s no shame in it.

Pole in sitting room - very much not to my taste, but fair enough. I think it’s tacky, but then other people might find our house tacky.

Blokes watching women using pole - ugh, now that really is grim.

Breathlessness · 10/10/2019 15:34

It’s funny how many more spectators it has than Indoor volleyball.

Friends have put a pole up in the middle of their living room.....
Friends have put a pole up in the middle of their living room.....
Durgasarrow · 10/10/2019 15:34

It is an exercise tool.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/10/2019 15:34

I’d put money on it Tom and his pals don’t give a shit what their wives are attempting. I'd love to be a fly on the wall and test that bet!

Well, maybe not!

AutoAnswer · 10/10/2019 15:35

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort
Thats pretty much how I feel about it too.

It is however perpetually associated with stripping and the sex industry
Too right it is. What's the problem here?

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 10/10/2019 15:35

@Breathlessness Why did you choose a picture of beach volleyball where zero spectators are visible to prove your point?

darkcloudsandrainstorms · 10/10/2019 15:35

You are weird.

There is nothing wrong with them or their pole and we would all benefit from a pole in place of all the other ludicrous furniture.

It is exercise.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/10/2019 15:35

You missed the comma, and the Mr T voice, @Durgasarrow

It is an exericse, tool! Smile

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 10/10/2019 15:36

More from @DarlingBuds19 please! Grin this is gold!!

Breathlessness · 10/10/2019 15:36

I’m sure they’d be just as scintillated watching their wives do planks. Nothing to do with the pole at all.

Taxtaxtax · 10/10/2019 15:37

YABU.
Don’t be such a prude It’s a form of dancing and great exercise.

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 10/10/2019 15:37

@Breathlessness I have some straws if you'd like to clutch at them?

Breathlessness · 10/10/2019 15:38

Just being obtuse or did you hid you hit your head on a pole too?

SilverySurfer · 10/10/2019 15:38

Their pole, their living room, their business. As for the child, he could have bashed his head against a million things. Put your judgy pants away.

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 15:39

Maybe that’s exactly why people put them in their living rooms. To change the association. Children don’t see a pole in the living room and think “strippers”- they think it’s mums exercise pole. That’s exactly how you kill the association.

What's more likely is that they grow up a bit, see it in movies, on TV etc, realise that is is widely used in and associated with strip clubs by strippers ... And feel icky and slightly traumatised for the foreseeable future.

Lindy2 · 10/10/2019 15:40

There's 2 issues really. What you think of the pole dancing and the son being injured.

Pole dancing doesn't really appeal to me but a lot of people seem to enjoy it. It's also pretty good exercise. If they enjoy it and their friends enjoy the pole parties then that's entirely up to them.

What they put up in their home and how they spend their free time is really only their business. It doesn't sound like they are pressuring you to join in.

As for their son being injured. It sounds like the problem is him running in the house and potentially lack of supervision/intervention. If he hadn't run into the pole he'd probably have bumped into something else.

Removing the pole won't help him but better parenting to prevent the running around inside will.

Yummymummy2020 · 10/10/2019 15:40

More power to them 😂😂😂 I do think kids will be kids and he would have likely ran into something else if he hadn’t crashed in to that! I’m envious they can use the pole, never tried myself but I believe it’s very hard so they must be fit as fiddles! Not sure if I’d want an audience myself now but in saying that I imagine I’d end up in a and e myself if I had a go, also having “ran into a doorframe “😂😂😂😂

PlasticPatty · 10/10/2019 15:40

It's a 'Let's call them...' thread. They're never worth reading.

Fishcakey · 10/10/2019 15:40

I'm not a prude but the pole parties are a bit yuk!

Breathlessness · 10/10/2019 15:40

If you want to do pole fitness, great. If you want a pole in your bedroom, great. Having one in a living room and inviting a group of men round to drink beer and watch? At least the professionals get paid.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 10/10/2019 15:41

realise that is is widely used in and associated with strip clubs by strippers ... And feel icky and slightly traumatised for the foreseeable future.

😂😂😂

Bluntness100 · 10/10/2019 15:42

It would seem the most prudish also have the filthiest minds.

The fact remains any exercise on a pole takes a huge amount of skill and muscle. No one, but no one, is getting up there and doing something sexy on it without endless practice. No way no how.

So as much as the filthy prudish minds are running amok, the fact remains what rhe ops posted is her take on it, because it simply factually can't be anything more than a laugh due to what's physically required to be able to do anything on it with ease.

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 15:43

Truth is, beyond these hallowed and uber-liberal femme walls pole work IS still considered wank fodder by many and it IS odd to have a pole party that men sit round and watch.

Couldn't have put it better myself.

WhyOhWhyAgain · 10/10/2019 15:43

People trying pole for the first time are many things, but not sexy. Most start out a little clumsy and just desperately try to not fall off of it. Sort of lifting heavy - which many women learn wrong - it is one of the most effective exercises.

I have a pole in the living room - not permanent, because it wouldn't work with the layout of the room. However, if I had a toddler at home, especially one prone to bump into things, you can bet I would do the safe thing and get it properly build in.

I also doubt the guys were actually leering anywhere but in OPs mind.

Also, if it is so chavy, what is going on with all the pole dancing clubs at universities?

Breathlessness · 10/10/2019 15:43

It’s so pampas grass and nylon sheets.