Friends have put a pole up in the middle of their living room.....

[FieldsOf]

Two friends of mine, who are married and in their mid 30's. Let's call them Tom and Ann. One DS.

Ann's been getting into pole dancing recently. So last month Tom put a fixed pole up right in the middle of the living room. She 'practises' on it and they've had a few 'Pole parties' where other female friends come over and all have a go. Tom and all the other husband's love it and will just sit there while their 'amazing' wives are 'exercising' while they sit their toasting each other with their beer

To be clear, it's a proper, fixed, permanent pole, that runs from the floor and attached to the ceiling. House is a small two bed semi. Living room normal size for that kind of house, ie - not extended and now there's just enough room for the corner sofa and TV.

Anyway this morning I get a text from Ann saying their DS, who's walking and bolting around now, ran into the pole and was in A&E all night! She sent me a photo and he has a massive golf ball size lump on his forehead, with lots of bruising already.
She told the doctor he hit it on the doorframe.

They are 'okay' parents but generally seem to want to change very little in their lives since DS came along.
Tbh this friendship has been on its way out for a long time on my behalf anyway, this is the cherry on the cake.

AIBU to say this is:

• Incredibly selfish
• Dangerous
• Dishonest
• Bit weird
• Generally just pretty grim?

A friend’s child fell off a kitchen stool and broke her leg. No one was at fault, just an unlucky fall. My own son stepped awkwardly out of the back door and twisted his ankle. Should we be banning stools and back door steps?

Accidents happen all the time. It’s as ridiculous to blame an inanimate pole for this. You clearly don’t like these people so stop seeing them and give your judgy pants a rest.

Accidents happen. Why, just the other day I tripped over the X-Cross and went flying across the kitchen ...

All the comments about the husbands - exactly.

This thread brings to mind a man's comment I saw on a very make dominated fitness forum I used to frequent;

"women always go on about us objectifying them, but as far as I can see we don't need to cause they do such a good job of objectifying themselves".

Oh dear , I am sitting here thinking whether my ceiling would support a pole and would my landlord allow it .

*male dominated

Everyone saying "I like to exercise with this or that but it's not attached to my house permanently" do you actually understand how a pole works? If it isn't attached to anything it's obviously not functional at all.
Pole dancing poles aren't permanent, though most people who use them regularly would choose to leave them up. You screw them into the ceiling and use the pressure between the floor and ceiling to keep it in place. If they aren't attached properly the pole will fall risking injury to the person using it.

Well unless the women are doing it in their undies I suspect it's just a bit of a laugh, because actually pole exercise is incredibly difficult.

And if you take your mind out the gutter for five mins, then you'll realise pole exercise is not only about titillating men, but it's actually good exercise. I know someone who is a pole instructor and she's the fittest woman I've ever met. Serious muscle definition.

As for the child, it could have been a door frame, a trampoline, anything, accidents happen.

You sound very judgemental and I can't tell if it's prudishness and a filthy mind or simply envy.

Husbands watching / leering, nope! That's why pole dancing will forever be a stripper's thing! Men just can't let it go, even when it is their own wives.

You have the word of one person with an expressed dislike of the people and the activity

The pole parties sound really, really sleazy.

AIBU to say this is:

- Incredibly selfish I don’t see the selfish aspect. What part of it is selfish?
- Dangerous no more dangerous than any other piece of furniture a child could run into- kitchen table, door, tv unit, banisters.
- Dishonest yes telling the doctor a lie was dishonest.
- Bit weird- why weird? People have hobby paraphernalia all over their homes- sewing machines, football boots, hockey sticks, bicycles, glue guns.
- Generally just pretty grim? was the pole dirty?

It does sounds grim, the way they are using it (not pole fitness itself but the context here).

Stay friends, they will be a great source for gossiping about them online.

Pole fitness is hard, sweaty, tricky, painful, technical and requires a massive amount of strength. YABU
We have children's aerial classes at our pole studio where they do aerial hoop etc and many of them try and clamber up a pole or slide down, because it's there and that's what children do. They're not exposed to anything sexual in the slightest

@OMGshefoundmeout, did you and your friends have to lie to the Doctor about how it happened?

OP, if it was fine and dandy, they wouldn't have to lie to HCP, who would have raised it as a concern.

She needs to buy a simple swimming flout and put it around the pole.

And if the friend is so into it and hip and cool, etc, why not admit it was the pole that the boy ran into? Why make up the bit about the door frame?

You sound judgy and bitchy

@mathanxiety Maybe because of the narrow minded reactions some people have regarding the sport as demonstrated in this thread.
Just because someone enjoys pole fitness doesn't mean they might not be the kind of person who isn't hurt by others harsh judgements etc.

It’s as ridiculous to blame an inanimate pole for this.

As opposed to an animate one?

You have the word of one person with an expressed dislike of the people and the activity Well, that's not quite true. I have bugger all against pole work, it is bloody good exercise. If I were capable I would be doing it too.

It's the thought of men sitting round having a drink, watching. They wouldn't do it of the activity was treadmill, X-fit etc! Hell, they don't stay around for pilates and yoga. So why pole work? Hmm?

Sport

Yes, that’s exactly what it is. Obviously a spectator sport.

"Dangerous no more dangerous than any other piece of furniture a child could run into- kitchen table, door, tv unit, banisters."

It is because of the shape of it, rather than a flat piece of furniture. Also what it's made of and being right in the middle of a main room.

Pole dancing is incredible exercise and doesn't have to be related to any of the stigma attached with it.

Exactly, but you can see from the op and a couple of posters referring to it as a "stripper pole" that they have left their imaginations run straight into the gutter. Pole exercise is incredibly difficult. It takes a huge amount of muscle to do anything even for seconds.

I'm fairly sure those stigmatising it has never tried to even climb a pole, never mind do anything else on it. I'd also bet as the op has never been to one of these events, that the men also have a crack at it. Because as said, it's highly challenging and a question of fitness.

It is however perpetually associated with stripping and the sex industry.

That's why (well one of the reasons) you don't put the pole as a permanent fixture in your sitting room - unless you are a tacky, chavy, silly twat.

Maybe that’s exactly why people put them in their living rooms. To change the association. Children don’t see a pole in the living room and think “strippers”- they think it’s mums exercise pole. That’s exactly how you kill the association.

I've literally watched a room full of men watch a 2 hour documentary on cleated wood. They'll watch anything.

The idea of my OH and friend latching over us ladies 'exercising' turns my stomach, but I would say just ignore it. Kids always have accidents anyway.

I should add I used to be a group fitness instructor, did Kickboxercise and all sorts of odd classes. So I do know what exercise classes men hang around and watch. And they are very, very few and far between!