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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends have put a pole up in the middle of their living room.....

457 replies

FieldsOf · 10/10/2019 14:31

Two friends of mine, who are married and in their mid 30's. Let's call them Tom and Ann. One DS.

Ann's been getting into pole dancing recently. So last month Tom put a fixed pole up right in the middle of the living room. She 'practises' on it and they've had a few 'Pole parties' where other female friends come over and all have a go. Tom and all the other husband's love it and will just sit there while their 'amazing' wives are 'exercising' while they sit their toasting each other with their beer Hmm

To be clear, it's a proper, fixed, permanent pole, that runs from the floor and attached to the ceiling. House is a small two bed semi. Living room normal size for that kind of house, ie - not extended and now there's just enough room for the corner sofa and TV.

Anyway this morning I get a text from Ann saying their DS, who's walking and bolting around now, ran into the pole and was in A&E all night! She sent me a photo and he has a massive golf ball size lump on his forehead, with lots of bruising already.
She told the doctor he hit it on the doorframe. Hmm

They are 'okay' parents but generally seem to want to change very little in their lives since DS came along.
Tbh this friendship has been on its way out for a long time on my behalf anyway, this is the cherry on the cake.

AIBU to say this is:

  • Incredibly selfish
  • Dangerous
  • Dishonest
  • Bit weird
  • Generally just pretty grim?
OP posts:
Benes · 10/10/2019 17:08

Secondly - let's imagine they were, and somehow the presence of a pole somehow teaches a child about adult relationships... What are they teaching him? ... Have fun with other consenting adults in a way that everyone is happy with?

THE HORROR!!!! shock

Didn't you know that according to MN, once you become a parent you are no longer allowed to engage in any sort of sexual activity in fear of damaging your child??

53rdWay · 10/10/2019 17:08

OP, I think you need to get along to one of these ‘pole parties’ and record it to show us. We’re clearly never going to settle this otherwise.

escapade1234 · 10/10/2019 17:09

If pole dancing is such a great workout, how come men don’t do it?

frazzledasarock · 10/10/2019 17:10

Reminds me of the time we were house hunting. One house we were considering going to view had a pole in the middle of the open plan living room.

My sister in law pointed it out.

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 10/10/2019 17:11

@escapade1234 They do. I've taken classes with men in them. I've met professional Male pole dancers through a friend of mine also. I had a pole teacher who was a man.

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 17:11

usually the guy friends I've gone with have been with have ended up being more like "HOLY CRAP THAT'S CRAZY" at the impressive tricks and skill involved rather than nursing the half chubs as a PP said.

Do you really think they were going to tell you about their half chubs, or later wank for that matter?Hmm

Lweji · 10/10/2019 17:12
  • Incredibly selfish - Why?
  • Dangerous - At least it's holding the ceiling.
  • Dishonest - What?
  • Bit weird - Compared to?
  • Generally just pretty grim? - I'm sure it's easy to clean.

Meh.

The boy could have hit his head anywhere as they do. With any luck the boy will learn how to climb it and will be very useful to collect coconuts if the family gets stranded in a deserted island.

I wouldn't participate on a pole dancing party with males there, unless they also had a go Wink, but can't be bothered if other adults do it. Can't be worse than all the male cyclist groups. Grin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/10/2019 17:13

ask yourself why you can't see the sheer amount of muscle and body strength required

Ask yourself if that is what load of half-cut blokes are admiring . . .

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 10/10/2019 17:13

@DarlingBuds19 Do you really presume to know how close and oversharey I am with my friends? Interesting that you know more about my social situation than I do.

AutoAnswer · 10/10/2019 17:13

if pole dancing is such a great workout, how come men don’t do it?

Wait what, you mean those guys I’ve been teaching aren’t guys?

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 17:13

They do. I've taken classes with men in them. I've met professional Male pole dancers through a friend of mine also. I had a pole teacher who was a man.

Still vast minority though. Your response is very disingenuous, as have most of them been.

AutoAnswer · 10/10/2019 17:14

My colleague is male for a start...

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 17:15

Do you really presume to know how close and oversharey I am with my friends?

No, just how oversharey they are (not) with you.

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 17:17

Wait what, you mean those guys I’ve been teaching aren’t guys?

Ah yes the legions of men taking pole dancing/fitness classes.

Suppose we should wait for it's imminent overthrow of football as their favourite sport.

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 10/10/2019 17:17

@DarlingBuds19 How? I have been both a stripper and attended professional pole fitness classes so how do I lack knowledge on the situations?
So I'm familiar with the sexual enjoyment men can derive from pole dancing, but also know the difference between that and pole fitness. Also I think the reason a woman is choosing to do pole is more important than the reason the man is watching.
You literally were talking about how you watched Male pole dancers and were so impressed, then when I have indicated to another PP that I am also familiar with Male pole dancers, you attack me?
Make up your mind on what your opinion actually is.

thebakerwithboobs · 10/10/2019 17:17

I hope your friend hasn't got Mumsnet because she doesn't need to be Colleen Rooney to work out who you are 😂

LivingDeadGirlUK · 10/10/2019 17:17

Get them some foam scaffolding covers :)

AutoAnswer · 10/10/2019 17:18

Darling why are you so insistent in slagging pole dancers off really?

BertrandRussell · 10/10/2019 17:20

Because “sex work” and everything associated with it is bad for women, men and society.

Pandaintheporridge · 10/10/2019 17:20

So is pole dancing basically the same as having a rowing machine in your living room? (Which a child could also hurt themselves on). Or is it something with a sexy "twist"? I am confused.

Pandaintheporridge · 10/10/2019 17:22

I would be absolutely amazed if there are more than a handful of straight men who take up pole dancing/fitness

AutoAnswer · 10/10/2019 17:23

thebaker the possibility of OP getting pulled up for this thread isn’t as unlikely as some think Grin

53rdWay · 10/10/2019 17:23

Hey now, plenty of rowing routines have a cheeky sexy twist at the end. Happens all the time in the Oxbridge boat race.

rwalker · 10/10/2019 17:23

Kid could of run into anything .
I sense you don't approve have you had a go.

DarlingBuds19 · 10/10/2019 17:25

Ask yourself if that is what load of half-cut blokes are admiring . . .

Oh but it didn't happen - the op is making it up, or lying, or the blokes are actually performing too, or they're spectating is purely academic etc etc

The one comment that made sense is that the blokes will stop spectating when they realise there's not much sexy about beginner amateur pole dancers.

But then they'll probably still.hang around for the booze and the laughs.

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