To think the carotid artery is not a porn prop.

[SmileEachDay]

This from Twitter today.

link to the Tweet

I love being choked 😳

I trust oh to do it though

@gingersausage I think its all contextual to be honest. I would never judge someone for being opposed to the concept of it and I also don't think there is anything wrong with being vanilla.

I don't agree with perpetuating the idea especially through porn to young men that all women will get off to being choked. Because that's unhealthy and dangerous. I think thats the issue. Sexual preferences should only ever be explored between two people, rather than have someone "learn" that all women are into XX though porn thats usually biased towards guys.

SBD1 shwingshwing

So you both seem to have a more traditional BDSM set up - trust, safety and mutuality are central?

Would you agree that the wholesale normalisation of potentially dangerous sexual activity - like choking - to the point where it is expected as standard by men is bad?

Or would you dismiss the women who are victims of this as being “on drugs” or with “abusive partners” and therefore...what? I don’t really understand your point.

And good that you’ve dealt the “prude” (I couldn’t possibly understand) card early - it’s out of the way now.

@Womendaresto you said in 100% of cases it's men? www.researchgate.net/publication/12447977_Autoerotic_Asphyxiation_in_a_Female Says 50:1 ratio.

I thought feminism was women supporting women so why attack women who enjoy being choked? I find it shocking how people can't just accept that different people like different things. It's not always abuse, it's not always porn, sometimes it's just what turns people on.

I don’t force my sexual interests on other people and wouldn’t judge anyone for whatever their sexual preferences are.

Interestingly, I’ve been choked sexually by a woman and I have choked a man. What’s your stance on that?

Nobody is saying that choking should be normalised, because not everyone is into it, and there are some people who should never even attempt it for whatever reason. But to tell people who are into it, are informed on the risks and have found a likeminded sexual partner to explore it with that they’re contributing to the deaths of young women who they’ve never even clapped eyes on is just wrong, sorry.

@gingersausage

I think the point is that it's not a feminist issue. We can all agree that this guy, with a history of aggressive behaviour, acted appallingly with tragic consequences (and is, therefore, a bit of a scumbag)

It's not about being 'vanilla', I would class myself as vanilla now but have experimented in the past because, well, I wanted to. One aggressive scumbag doesn't make it wrong for consenting adults to enjoy more niche sex play.

I'd happily castrate any male who gets off on sexual violence. How fucking SICK does one have to be to even want to do this to another person? I could vomit. The Y chromosome really is a genetic defect.

I don’t give a fuck if you love to be choked. Go play on fet-life. Surely even the most thick skulled person can see that this isn’t a thread for you to come and share your predilections. There’s a whole internet for that.

This is literally bone-chilling, and the way he casually says it too, like he is talking about how to wine and dine a girl/woman.. Like, 'pay her compliments, pull her seat out for her, open doors for her....' (Yeah cheesy and outdated (maybe!) but much more acceptable than advice on how to choke and strangle a woman correctly when shagging her.

I also fear for young women these days. I am in my mid 50s and I've been told by multiple women under 30 that men automatically expect anal sex these days. AND a bald pubic area.

I have been married 30-ish years now, but before I met DH, I had 4 or 5 boyfriends in the mid 1980s. Not ONE of them (OR my DH,) ever asked for anal sex, OR demanded I shave my pubes, OR asked for violent sex.

I am pretty sure porn has been around since before the 1980s! So what has caused all this??? It's utterly vile that girls/young women feel obliged to do this kind of stuff now, and makes me glad I'm an old gimmer now.

Not saying there's anything wrong with a woman shaving her pubes, or anal sex, or a BIT of slapping and bondage during sex if the woman wants it! But some men automatically want - and expect it these days.

(Note, I say a bit of bondage and slapping - NOT extreme violence/strangling til they nearly pass out/causing extreme pain and damage to the body etc...)

It's OK for the small handful of posters saying 'it's my choice!' But many girls/young women are made to feel that they should be doing it, because 'that is what everyone does these days.'

Believe it or not, many girls/young women are bullied/coerced/talked into doing stuff they would rather not do, for fear of being mocked, laughed at, called a frigid prude etc etc etc..... Say you like weird violent shit during sex by ALL means, but do not normalise it and make out everyone should like it.

And if you think the tweet the guy put up (that the OP posted,) is OK, then you need to give your head a good wobble! (And I seriously hope you don't have daughters!)

And no-one is having a go at women who like weird and dangerous shit... Well no more than women who DON'T like it are being got at for being 'vanilla!'

@gingersausage

Great, so a thread about the feminist issues of choking and the murder of young women is taken over by the BDSM-bots to tell us how we’re all just so vanilla and wouldn’t understand anyway. (Including a bonus man to mansplain it all to us).

Fuck me I think my eyes just rolled out of my head.

Yep so predicable, and obvious that the token few would roll onto the thread, and start telling us about their oh-so-exciting sex life, and how vanilla and dull and boring everyone else's sex life is compared to theirs - coz they indulge in role-play, violence and strangulation, yada yada .... YAWN....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Oh mighty sex beasts with your amazing colourful and exciting sex lives, we all bow down to you, because your SEX lives are sooooooooooooooo much more exciting than ours..... 😴😴😴

A little light reading for y'all......

www.theguardian.com/society/2019/jul/25/fatal-hateful-rise-of-choking-during-sex

You'll be telling us next that some men enjoy a sharp kick to the bollocks. Oh yes, and my defence will be that he asked for it.

Nobody is saying that choking should be normalised

It is though. A ridiculously high proportion (can’t remember exactly but can find out) of Pornhub videos show women being choked. There is a direct link between use of porn depicting violent acts and increased violence within real life sexual relationships. (See the meta study cited in the Gail Dines article)

1. I never said it was ‘normal’ sexual practice (though who decides what that is?)
2. Nothing should ever be expected by anyone, not even ‘vanilla’ sex (which I also enjoy and practice far more often than BDSM)
3. I’m not dismissing them at all, but drugs and alcohol automatically increase the likelihood of things going wrong, and preexisting domestic abuse makes ‘oh she wanted to be choked’ the perfect coverup for actual murder, even if sex never played any part in it at all.

You'll be telling us next that some men enjoy a sharp kick to the bollocks. Oh yes, and my defence will be that he asked for it.

Not as uncommon as you may think!

In the UK it's 100% - in that 20 year old US study it's 98%.

Feminism is about liberating women from the harms imposed on us. If women choose or promote behaviour that harms them and other women, I'll say so.

this is a fantastic piece:

I have spoken to many women who, at their lowest points in life, adopted this culturally celebrated masochism, and had no trouble finding men willing to hurt them in the name of sexual liberation — men who, through porn consumption, have been sold the idea that women love nothing more than being physically harmed. The ideal of the female masochist is being marketed by the capitalist porn industry and supported wholeheartedly by a patriarchal society undoubtedly thrilled at the idea of male-on-female abuse being not merely condoned but celebrated. This idolisation of female masochism not only traps women in cycles of abuse, but quietly shames them for not enjoying it. The only liberation that has been achieved through this rhetoric has been the liberation of men from the guilt, shame, or repercussions potentially associated with the abuse of women. Men can now openly discuss the sexual gratification they get from beating their girlfriends, and be lauded as champions of sex positivity.
medium.com/@jessicamasterson_6828/the-third-wave-dream-girl-begs-to-be-broken-9eb0bb717f29

and again, why is it that the women are the ones being choked?

@ginghamtablecloths some men do enjoy that.

Actually laughing my arse off at the handmaidens here who looooove being choked. Laughing, but in a sad way really. It's actually quite sad to see how sexually repressed BDSM-bots are, if you think of it for a minute.

You can not ever 'fully trust' someone in these circumstances.

Women do not have sex thinking they could die.

I’m not arsed to argue about this anymore as I don’t see why I should have to justify or defend my right to choose how I behave in the bedroom.

I’ve acknowledged that it’s not ‘normal’ sexual behaviour. FWIW, I’ve never slept with anyone who has ‘expected’ to be rough with me, and I have slept with literally hundreds of people. It’s always been pre-agreed or vanilla until I have asked for it.

Indeed - and oh that Supreme Cort case that consents wasn't a defence to consensual BDSM which involved nailing the scrotum FFSA

(that was to @PBo83)

I am totally in agreement with the porn issue. 'Mainstream' pornography (which is far too accessible) has become increasingly violent and it is a concern.

I also believe that the 'normalisation' of dangerous sexual acts is potentially harmful (both physically and psychologically).

What I don't agree with is that these acts are ALWAYS wrong when undertaken between consenting adults.

@beautifulmelody do explain how I’m ‘sexually repressed’, as I’d love to know

Interesting to note that the posters who are into BDSM haven’t once attacked or belittled the more vanilla posters, yet we’re called every name under the sun

All women who like kinky sex are Handmaidens or Bots...

@shwingshwing needing all that danger and ceremony just to get off does seem a bit sexually repressed to me... as well as a bit sad, and pathetic really. It's such a shame that you're stuck having sex with weak men.