To think the carotid artery is not a porn prop.

[SmileEachDay]

This from Twitter today.

link to the Tweet

I’ve just re read through this thread.

I’m increasingly at those who used it as an opportunity to tell me how terribly un feminist I am for daring to suggest choking women during sex should be questioned.

How their freedom of choice to be choked should be protected and that I am no feminist if I question that.

How their choice is in no way linked to the damage and death of women who cannot consent to this.

How their choice is not linked to the eleventy billion violent Pornhub videos, featuring women being choked.

How their choice is their right and how dare I question it.

Except..

Your decision to interact that way on this thread? That’s another legitimisation of the choking of women.

The choking of women, endorsed by the “feminists” of Mumsnet. Because it’s not feminist to question it, right?

The choking of women, endorsed by the “feminists” of Mumsnet. Because it’s not feminist to question it, right?

And funnily enough, when I look at their user names, I've never seen them pop up on threads in the feminist section, where, say, trafficking has been under discussion. Or women in tech. Or women in the workplace. Or the pay gap. Or everyday sexism. Or women's sport. Or... a hundred and one other topics.

Nope, they only pop up to tell us how empowering they find being choked is.

The only place their "feminism" becomes apparent is when they use the common misunderstanding of choice within feminism to defend their choice to re-enact sexual violence against women for their own personal kink. (Incidentally, choicy-choice feminism involves a serious logical error: the move from "feminism should lead to an end state where women are free to make choices about their lives" to the utterly boneheaded fallacy - affirming the consequent - that "therefore any choice a woman makes is a feminist choice, just because it's a woman who's made it").

Indeed, Barbara.

Liberal feminism has us painted into a number of corners that are fuck all to do with the freeing of women from oppression.

Justaboy

I have reported your post. Your detailed description of some one killing themselves in that way inappropriate and for me personally extremely upsetting.

I can't fathom how its possible to grip a throat with your thighs when receiving oral. The only thing you can grip is ears! Unless your thighs and his head/neck are an inhuman shape!

That whole post seems gratuitously graphic.

What we need is to form some kind of Mumsnet police to monitor everyone's sex lives and decide what is or is not appropriate.

What we need is to form some kind of Mumsnet police to monitor everyone's sex lives and decide what is or is not appropriate

Well, pretty sure thats just sarcasm and not intended to be constructive contribution to a deadly serious thread about death...

... but, if it saved one womans life I'm in.

Novocastrian

Why are people posting inappropriately personal details about their sex lives, or their fantasy sex lives?

When someone posts a thread expressing concern that women's boundaries aren't being respected and your response is to proceed to gleefully violate the boundaries of the women in the thread by continuing to overshare after it becomes clear that they'd really rather not hear it you're telling everyone more about yourself than you may realize.

• BarbaraStrozzi 👏👏👏👏

Indeed Prodigal - incidentally I posted a couple of websites for you pages back.

Got them, thanks!

SmileEachDay Well if you find that offensive then thats your opinion but it was to show what can go worng very easily and very quickly.

It wasnt intended to be offensive at all, this is a very dangerous and highly risky practice and a discussion about it is no bad thing.

Justaboy

I didn’t say I was offended.

The lack of empathy in your response is telling.

TheProdigalKittensReturn
Why are people posting inappropriately personal details about their sex lives, or their fantasy sex lives?
.........
Because they like showing off.
Agree it is inappropriate - revolting even.

Justaboy

Its not just her opinion though. It's offensive to give graphic detail of sex and death. Did you not realise that many find it distasteful or offensive?

Instead of accepting that your post may have caused offence and apologising for unnecessarily upsetting anyone, you have turned it all back around onto the aggrieved person/s, and then attempted to justify yourself.

It sounds like you really couldn't give a damn about posting inappropriate and potentially upsetting material.

It has been said a number of times by pp on here already.

Quite, Any.

As I said, a telling response from him.

@SmileEachDay maybe it's just my friend circle but pretty much half of the blokes I know like being choked during sex too. The head rush is insane from the lack of oxygen.

Just because some fuck it up, because they're total fucking idiots, doesn't mean you have to shame a whole fucking sub culture who do things safely and with full consent.

Maybe if more women were taught to stand up for themselves with what they want and educated (& men) on safe sexual play then bullshit like this wouldn't happen. Shaming it and classing it as filth and debauched helps absolutely no one.

The pearl clutching on this thread is frankly horrifying and is what is ultimately taking women back decades. Because oh no... I forgot... Women can't be filthy, or like dirty sex and fucking around, or have any kind of sexual autonomy. It must all be in line with what the masses class as 'the norm' 🙄

Thing is, risky sex play, dangerous acts etc are not the norm and it's only with the widespread availability of porn that most people have become aware of stuff like choking. Seriously, the one time my husband's hand crept onto my neck I slapped it away soo hard. It's not pearl clutching to say that choking etc is not casual everyday sex, it is specialized and trying to bring it into the mainstream only does two things:

1. allow doubt in cases of spousal abuse/killing
2. normalise a behavior that can lead to injury and serious harm when done improperly, and which should be avoided not foisted upon the inexperienced..

Quite agree, EmperorBallpatine.

It's an activity which cannot be done safely (however much people may kid themselves they are). Slightly wrong and the person dies. Even done "right" i.e. no immediate death, it can loosen arterial plaque resulting in strokes and thrombosis. It is an intrinsically dangerous activity.

However many apologists and kinksters come on here saying "you're prudes, you're kink-shaming us, you're pearl clutchers" the fact remains that it is an activity no sane person should engage in.

Some kinks deserve to be shamed to hell and beyond.

Even the language is designed to promote this sense of “ other”. ( Eg kinksters). People who enjoy this practice ( of which I am not one incidentally) are not on this thread promoting it to my mind. They’re not saying “ hey guys you should try it it’s really great “ they’re saying “ I do it and like it”. That contribution helps demonstrate that it is perhaps more widely practiced than you might realise. I’m not saying it’s not problematic it clearly is but I’m sick of the way that individuals who enjoy a more diverse range of sexual practices are treated with complete disdain by some people here.

I don’t see disdain for kink on here. I see impatience with the naivety (or disingenuousness) of claiming that choking can be done safely.

I don't see disdain either, but there is absolutely no reason why anyone should accept or indulge what others get up to. Women are allowed to show disdain, and digust for others practices if they want (I know, shock horror pearl clutching frigids - now thats disdain, and theres plenty of it on here against those women who don't like these extreme activities and are seriously discussing the risks to women, like death).

I seriously wonder about those who.come to a thread about women dying from strangulation to say how much they like deviant sex.