To think the carotid artery is not a porn prop.

[SmileEachDay]

This from Twitter today.

link to the Tweet

Nerdy , I feel so sorry for you.

And no, kinks aren't innate - babies aren't born with kinks. Something, somewhere must have caused it. I hope you can work through this one day.

XXXXXX42

Just because someone wants pain, that doesn’t make it okay to hurt them. Slapping someone’s bum isn’t dangerous. Choking them is.

This isn't kink shaming, its calling out violence against women. Applying pressure to the carotid and jugular is not a sexual practice, it is violence that has been sexualised.

Its absolutely pathetic to put such a dangerous practice ahead of a human life.

I'm not being abused in the slightest. I want this. I enjoy it. What part of that don't you understand?

And I really don't want your faux sympathy either, why would i? Im having the best sex ever, with the people i love. How i choose to do that doesn't require your approval or not.

Nor am I confused but I am attempting to respond to multiple judgmental to equally seemingly confused responses to my comments.

It’s confused to claim that something should not be banned that - cannot, in its milder forms, be banned, and in its more severe forms, is already banned.

It’s confused to talk about ‘removing it from social acceptability’ when it’s not particularly acceptable and, anyway, how would it be removed?

You then agree it shouldn’t be normalised.

Then there’s a whole spiel about not judging people who like it kinky while judging those who don’t like it kinky.

And then there’s the nose-out-of-joint withdrawal.

I’m sorry if posters didn’t take your bon mots the way you expected, but perhaps your perspective is odder and less coherent than you think?

So how far do we take 'it's ok if its consensual'?

What kind of person actually gets off on hurting someone else?

So glad I'm in my 50s !!! .... I really hope this isn't a thing for young girls now .. I know some people enjoy it .. but I bet so many more are just putting up with it to please men ...

@shwingshwing

I reported my own posts as I lost my temper with the poster who was harping on and on at me

Thats a lie.

(I just checked back, you had two deleted by MN for your abuse transgressing the TGs, is what it actually says, post withdrawn at users request)

PBo83: explained how I once 'choked' a partner because SHE asked me to as it 'turned her on' (and I was apparently rubbish at it because I was 'too gentle').

Having read the various links on this thread do you not think this is something you should have said No to, even for your own sake? You clearly had no clue what you were doing and the BDSM and medical community both say that there really is no way of safely choking someone consensually. You don't have to say yes to every sexual act, you know. How would you feel if you had inflicted real injury or death on your partner? I doubt your saying "well she asked me too" would give you much comfort. This isn't the same as a slap on the arse. As far as I know, no one ever died from a slap on the arse that was a bit harder than anticipated.

Either
a. Men use "consensual choking gone wrong" as a defense to murder
or
b Consensual choking can sometimes go very wrong and people (women) die.

one or the other.

I’m 42!! I’m hardly young. I am a professional woman with degree, a masters & a senior management job. I own a house, look after my daughter and walk my dog twice a day. I’ve never been abused or raped. I just happen to enjoy a certain amount of pain with my pleasure!

My partner is a nice, mild mannered gentleman who cooks me dinner, makes me coffee in the morning and with whom I discuss my latest projects or his latest contracts. He enjoys the obvious pleasure I get from a bit of pain!

We don’t do choking because it is too risky. I doubt he would if I asked. He’s the careful one. He has spent weeks researching safe rope bondage techniques and refuses to tie me up until he is happy he knows how to do it properly. He never slaps me with anything he hasn’t tested on himself first. We often have normal vanilla sex (although he is a big guy so there is even a nice bit of discomfort in that for me :) ).

We should not as a society be encouraging young people to go about choking each other willy nilly- its bloody dangerous. However the argument that any woman who likes this or any other non-vanilla (and defining vanilla is a tough call) sex practice is being automatically abused and is somehow damaged is nuts.

Meh, I like it, do I care if you don't think I should like it? Nope. Am I telling you that you should do it/like it? Nope.
It FEELS amazing btw.

@XXXXXX42

I wouldn't waste your breath. I, like yourself, am a professional, own house, happy marriage, step daughter with whom I have a good relationship. I have never laid a finger on my wife (who isn't into BDSM so we have never explored it).

I, however, dared to suggest that I (once) engaged in some 'rough' play with a partner (her idea) which she enjoyed and I am therefore an abuser, sympathiser and I was taking advantage of a 'damaged person' (even though it was her that suggest it, she was older than me and far more mature). Obviously the fact that I'm male hasn't helped my cause.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I appreciate that, to a lot of people, the idea of BDSM or anyone taking pleasure in pain (or even danger) is inexplicable. This doesn't make anyone with a 'kink' a sympathiser to the likes of the man in this story (who is clearly scum).

This thread shouldn't even be a 'debate'. Nobody is defending the guy in the news. Everyone seems to agree that the normalisation of violent sex and the availability or porn to youngsters is a problem.

I have never criticised anyone on this thread (even those who abused me) but I can't help but argue that labelling a woman who enjoys BDSM activities as 'damaged' or offering them pseudo sympathy is both judgemental and completely contradicts the 'feminist' motif that this site seems to represent.

Sadly, young people, especially boys but also girls, are growing up in a world in which unlimited amounts of extreme pornography is just a five second search away. In many cases they don’t realize it is extreme and so expect their partner to be into the same stuff. Research backs this up. I’m pretty libertarian in my views and pretty firmly against the “let’s just ban stuff” approach, but I really don’t think it’s a healthy situation currently and is setting young people with some pretty weird views about relationships.

@shwingshwing

I reported my own posts as I lost my temper with the poster who was harping on and on at me

Thats a lie.

(I just checked back, you had two deleted by MN for your abuse transgressing the TGs, is what it actually says, not post withdrawn at users request)

a woman who enjoys BDSM activities as 'damaged' or offering them pseudo sympathy is both judgemental and completely contradicts the 'feminist' motif that this site seems to represent.

I guess while there are still so many women being abused and assault both in the UK and globally, this kind of act, even when consensual, will always be contentious. A bit like the debate around those women who choose to wear the burka as a choice, a symbol of empowerment, against a background of which for millions of their women it is a symbol of outright oppression. I personally think it’s a pretty unhealthy act (both psychologically for both participating parties, and potentially physically) but it’s ultimately the choice of consenting adults what they want to get up to.

The tread isn’t about whether I like it, you like it, he likes etc etc.

It is the fact that teenage boys think it is normal to try to strangle a girl for sexual pleasure. Teenage boys as in the sense of 13/14/15 who could be dating your daughter or could be our sons. Now let’s talk about that.

@Beansandcoffee

I think we have talked about that and I think that everyone has agreed that the accessibility and normalisation of 'extreme' porn IS a problem.

That all lies in the education surrounding consent surely. There will always be the ones who don't comply, as there always have.
I don't think any porn should be able to be accessed by anyone under 16 or 18 although I'm not sure how we could police that.

I, however, dared to suggest that I (once) engaged in some 'rough' play with a partner (her idea) which she enjoyed

I'll ask you again. In retrospect, do you not think agreeing to choke your partner - however willing - was possibly a dangerous choice and things could have gone very wrong (especially as you said yourself you didn't know what you were doing)? Do you still think it was all a bit of a lark or just sex as usual given that it is clear that it is not safe to choke someone?

I don't judge you at all for whatever you are into. But I think you are incredibly stupid to just say "ok yes' if a woman asks you to choke her. And I think your posts are generally a distraction from the real point which is the normalisation of a dangerous fetish. Your har har I once did it because she wanted it but I was too gentle schtick doesn't do one thing to make choking appear anything less than normal slightly funny sexual activity - I suspect you know that though.

@pallisers

Yup, agreed, retrospectively I should have said no as I wasn't comfortable with it. However, I was young and experimental. Luckily I had sufficient fear and it was unnatural so there was never a risk of harm. I do get your point though and agree.

Alicatz66
So glad I'm in my 50s !!! .... I really hope this isn't a thing for young girls now .. I know some people enjoy it .. but I bet so many more are just putting up with it to please men ...
............

Plenty of men wouldn't do it, Alcatz. They would hate to hurt someone they love and if she asked them to, it would show them they are with the wrong person.

It's very sad that so many young people are corrupted by ugly, violent porn. I wish we could stop it in its tracks right now! However there are young people who are considerate and gentle.

I do get your point though and agree.

so in answer to the original question you actually agree that the carotid artery is not a porn prop.

^
Add message | Report | Message poster Beansandcoffee Thu 10-Oct-19 22:42:46
The tread isn’t about whether I like it, you like it, he likes etc etc.

It is the fact that teenage boys think it is normal to try to strangle a girl for sexual pleasure. Teenage boys as in the sense of 13/14/15 who could be dating your daughter or could be our sons. Now let’s talk about that.

I agree. Unfortunately it’s been hijacked by the I’m-so-offended-by-judgement-of-my-kinks-shall-I-talk-about-it-some-more brigade.