To be annoyed by commuters ignoring 'baby on board'?

[puffingalong]

I think the title summarises my gripe. The baby on board badge is not really working (sometimes it does, but not at rush hour and not the majority of the time). I could believe that the badge isn't noticeable enough, I don't think it's difficult in my case when you include my ginormous bump (I'm 7 months and my bump is on the large side, the rest of me pretty small).

In my experience, the majority of people sitting in the seats for disabled/pregnant/elderly people just don't bother looking up to check if anyone else needs those seats more than them.

I know I could ask for a seat but I'm too British! Has anyone found any fun shaming tactics for this situation?

I remember saying to one bloke on the tube that I was pregnant. He said congratulations. I said I need your seat if you don't want me to be sick on you. I got the seat

What did you expect him to say? You simply informed him you’re pregnant. And?

Newsflash. Lots of people get pregnant. Many of them cope without being treated like delicate flowers. Many don’t want to be treated like delicate flowers.

Don’t just inform someone you’re pregnant and expect them to know what you want. Instead of feeling smug about getting him to move how about next time just directly asking for it instead of being nasty.

I remember being on crutches and heavily pregnant on a train from London 6 years ago. Nobody offered a seat. I had to stand for 40 minutes. Sometimes people are too busy to notice but others just don't care and don't see you as their problem.
This time, I haven't even bothered with the badge. Nobody takes any notice anyway.I stand near the door so I don't get bashed.

If someone is noticebly pregnant, they dont need a sticker and people are more likely to offer seats.

I think many people wouldn't consider being pregnant to be an illness/disability and would therefore rationalise that they don't need to give up their seat. Sometimes it's just luck as to whether you have a carriage full of decent and polite people or not.

Plus, also to consider that some of the people not giving up their seats may have hidden disabilities, so perfectly entitled to stay seated.

Has anyone noticed if one sex is more likely to offer seats?
I don’t live in London but was on the Tube last week when a bloke with two sticks got on. Both I and my female neighbour immediately offered our seats. As he sat down he said to us “It’s always women who offer”.
I wonder if that is generally true.

Also, having a 'baby on board' badge may actually make people less likely to give up their seats!

OP- sorry if missed but is this train or tube?
With my 2 pregnancies- train commuters were generally horrible. Barely ever got up/grumbled when I asked. Often ended up squashed against doors and once 2 actually laughing at my visible panic/upset when pressed against the doors by dozens of people and telling me off for not having shouted over the entire carriage and demanded a seat if I really needed one. Cant even count on 2 hands the nasty incidents with train commuters. S W Trains at the time.

Tube people- always got up.

Whether on tube or train its clear- ff you sit in one of the priority seats and you're not disabled/elderly/pregnant in need of it- its 100% your responsibility to look up at every stop and check noone noticeably needs it more than you- and be prepared to move if so.

TabbyMumz sorry but your point is rubbish. Baby on board badges and 'please offer me a seat' badges are there exactly because the bump/disability might not be visible. I know with me early stages pregnancy feeling nauseous/faint with more people bashing into you as they cant see a bump (not even a bump stops a lot of people but...) was exactly when I needed a seat on public transport.

I’m British. Have a hidden but severe disability. I’ve found my “tube voice”. I’m very good at saying “please can someone offer me a seat” to the entire carriage.

Someone always offers and I’ve only twice been insulted (once by a pregnant woman and once by a woman who wanted my seat for her 10 year old; both times I was already in the seat).

Ask! When I commute I read my book and would miss a small badge.

Sorry you're getting such a hard time on this thread OP! I'm at a similar stage of pregnancy and find people mostly don't offer a seat if it's busy (and they didn't during my last pregnancy either), because they simply don't see me/my bump/my badge as they're absorbed in their phone or book etc.

Most of the time I'm fine to stand, but if I'm feeling ropey (got dodgy hips), I will ask politely. I find other fellow standing passengers get more outraged than me and demand seats of people on my behalf, which is a bit embarrassing as if I was in dire need, I'd ask for myself! I'm wearing the badge more so people don't barge into me etc.

You have to ask. In some cases, you have to wallop them in the side of the head with your bump, muttering "Badoing!" because even when you ask they're all staring intently at their phones and pretending they haven't noticed the human Space Hopper standing next to them and their precious priority seat.

@ LightDrizzle I’ve found young men quite often give up seats over other people.

When I need to use crutches or a stick I still had to ask people to give up a seat, people on commutes tend to be oblivious and not every pregnant woman needs or wants a seat. You need to speak up and ask.

I never notice those badges. My eyesight isn't great so I spend my journey looking at my phone or looking out the window.
If I notice someone is pregnant, I'll offer them a seat. But tbh, if you're a grownup, I'd expect you to use your words. I'd probably judge someone who tried to shame me or passive aggressively put them self in a painful situation to make a point...

Not all injuries are visible. For example I had an operation to repair my achilles tendon. I am mostly recovered now and do alright with the standing but there are days when sitting down is needed. The jerking around of the train is difficult as my stability is still a bit off and my ankle swells, when I've walked a lot in my work shoes.

Thats not to say, I would not stand up for someone who needed it more. But it would not be immediately obvious as to why I was seated.

I think it is also important to consider that some people may not 'look' like they need a seat but actually have a hidden condition/disability and therefore shaming them unfair.

*You're pregnant, not the high ruler of the universe. I rarely look up when I'm on the tube, I would have no qualms (or shame) being prompted. I often asked for seat on the tube, usually first trimester as that's when I needed it, I felt stronger and less sick the bigger I got (personally).

Put your big girl pants on.*

Couldn't have put it better myself @foodname.

Has anyone found any fun shaming tactics for this situation?

Has it occurred to you that for some people, who are disabled, actually it’s making fun of people with worse problems than your’s?

We rarely take DD1, who has severe epilepsy and learning disabilities, on the tube because the poor air quality sets off seizures. However, I would always let her sit down while I stand up. She cries to me regularly about how awful her life is - why can’t she go to university, get a job, get married and have children like everybody else? None of these things will ever be in her reach, because they are totally beyond her health and capabilities.

However somebody pregnant making fun of her, while flaunting in her face, what she wants most in the world and can never have (because pregnancy would probably kill her) is not fun at all!

I suffer from vertigo and sometimes can't stand on public transport. Sometimes I can.

If someone tried to "shame" me for my seat it would go one of two ways. They'd either get told to fuck off. Or I might stand so I fall on them when I pass out.

Yes it’s best to ask. But honestly, if you’re sitting in a priority seat and you don’t actually need one, you really should be keeping half an eye out for anyone getting on who does. It’s not THAT hard.

My train to work has priority seats with a bit more leg-room than the others, so some people make a bee-line for them just for that. Even more annoyingly people sit in the aisle priority seat and then fill up the window priority seat with coats and bags so they have both to themselves. Selfish fuckers. Never had any objections when I asked them to move their stuff so I could get my massive third-trimester bump in there, but did have a lot of sheepish looks.

@LightDrizzle Has anyone noticed if one sex is more likely to offer seats? I don’t live in London but was on the Tube last week when a bloke with two sticks got on. Both I and my female neighbour immediately offered our seats. As he sat down he said to us “It’s always women who offer”.I wonder if that is generally true.

I do live in London, have gone through all of my pregnancies here, using public transport all the time as I don't drive. I found the opposite to be true, if anything.

You need to ask OP. Shaming will just make you look like a dick!

I'd gladly give up my seat for anyone who needed it (they'd probably have to ask because I genuinely am oblivious on public transport, like many), but if you tried 'shaming' me, I definitely wouldn't be "too British" in response to you.

With my 2 pregnancies- train commuters were generally horrible.

I’d second this. Tube commuters seemed really switched on (bar tourists who were utter bellends) but train passengers were awful. Lots of these people must switch from train to tube when they get to London so what happens when they pass through the gate line? Does tapping in release endorphins that make them more empathetic? It sometimes feels like it.

I don’t get the logic that just because you’re pregnant you need a seat. Some pregnant women are fine to stand

Yes, exactly. I was lucky and never had trouble standing while pregnant. Not everyone needs to, and like others have said, just ask. Would you mind if I used that seat? Be polite and forget the “fun” shaming tactics. You’ll just be an arse and will make others less inclined to give up their seats to other pregnant women.

I once got on a train at Christmas to get home and the only seat available was an accessible seat.
I had just had blood clots in my right leg and was being treated for them, standing was painful, and balancing on a rickety train while moving would have me falling over. But I didn't look like I needed the space and got a right bollocking from a heavily pregnant woman who got on the stop after me.

I have also been heavily pregnant and been that commuter who has needed a seat, and so I have asked, but I've also been told no.

It's hard because some times people need the seat more than some pregnant person.

Sometimes they're just pig ignorant.

And if you complain to the travel company they'll just treat you as entitled. Been there, got the t shirt.