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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that if you can’t take a simple pregnancy test without help, you shouldn’t be considering parenthood.

239 replies

TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 06:59

What is it with all the numerous “can you help me with a pregnancy test?” and “line eyes!” threads?

Parenting is much harder than PingOAS and looking for a line. If you can’t manage this, you’ve fallen at the first hurdle.

OP posts:
Original poster
TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 13:25

JacquesHammer writes some criticism...you point out she's "obsessive"

No, you’ve misunderstood again. I was using the word “obsessive” to mean “obsessive”. It doesn’t mean “critical”.

OP posts:
Aridane · 10/10/2019 13:25

I would love to sign up to JacquesHammernet Grin

NoSauce · 10/10/2019 13:26

This reply has been deleted

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GinDaddy · 10/10/2019 13:29

Hang on a second @TottieandMarchpane you need to stop with the semantics. Everyone knows the difference between those two words.

I am saying that JacquesHammer wrote some points which provided a commentary / critique on the original post and its premise.

You then labelled them , and her, as "obsessive".

That's a shame because it uses a distraction/personal assertion to take the focus away from the valid points she raised about people's need to be sure about pregnancy, and instead is designed to get people thinking her contributions are invalid.

It's a weasel way to argue because instead of looking at the person's contribution, one throws mud in their direction to make them look silly.

TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 13:31

This reply has been deleted

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GinDaddy · 10/10/2019 13:32

@NoSauce

My DW had miscarriages, which means our family unit experienced them over a period of years. I care deeply about the experience people undergo who have suffered such life events.

Is that valid enough for you?

FavaBeansAndANiceChianti · 10/10/2019 13:32

so my point of view is also null and void

Your points are null and void because you're a mean I fear GinDaddy.

Why are you investing so much time on a thread to do with pregnancy tests?

Maybe read GDs posts about his wife's miscarriages before being so rude. Pregnancy and certainly pregnancy loss doesn't just affect women.

GinDaddy · 10/10/2019 13:33

@TottieandMarchpane

Love to hear your theory in the light of my last post...

FavaBeansAndANiceChianti · 10/10/2019 13:33

You're a man*

Something about the OPs responses tells me she's feeling a bit sore about being called out!

NoSauce · 10/10/2019 13:35

I’m sorry about what your wife went through but this has little relevance to your stance on the thread now. You seem to be enjoying pulling the OP apart. Quite enlightening.

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 10/10/2019 13:36

On the whole I agree with you op - although I have never once opened one of those threads and looked at the test.

I understand the desperation to be pregnant but testing early and asking lots of other people if you are pregnant or not isn't going to help you in anyway. Infact, it all feeds into the anxiety and must be quite counter-productive.

Don't test until you period is several days or a week late! The outcome will be the same whenever you test ... all that may happen is that you will be aware of a very early miscarriage, or late period, more accurately, if you have one.

I would never encourage anyone to test early - it achieves nothing.

GinDaddy · 10/10/2019 13:36

I think for everyone's enjoyment I should leave this thread, as there's no point in me rationally arguing the case here.

I'll just be told I'm male, I have some weird obsession with pregnancy, whatever personal mud will stick enough that someone else chimes in with OP

OP, I politely maintain my view on this thread, but I accept that we cannot debate it in the way I hoped.

Hope everyone has a good day and for those seeking to conceive etc, that you have the DCs you hope for and a healthy life for all.

JacquesHammer · 10/10/2019 13:37

The outcome will be the same whenever you test ... all that may happen is that you will be aware of a very early miscarriage, or late period, more accurately, if you have one

This of course can be important knowledge.

JacquesHammer · 10/10/2019 13:38

Aridane

Grin very kind of you. I’m quite sure it would be very dull for anyone but me!

Original poster
TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 13:40

Don't test until you period is several days or a week late! The outcome will be the same whenever you test ... all that may happen is that you will be aware of a very early miscarriage, or late period, more accurately, if you have one.

Yes that’s what I always made myself stick to.

But I can see there are reasons it isn’t always that easy.

OP posts:
NigesFakeWalkingStick · 10/10/2019 13:46

@Nextphonewontbesamsung for the majority testing when period is late etc is fine, but I had very irregular periods, so could never accurately tell when I would be due on.

FrangipaniBlue · 10/10/2019 13:50

OP I think you'd have garnered far more sympathetic responses had you started a thread about "cheap pregnancy tests giving a false sense of hope and obsession" or even "why do posters respond they can see a line when they're clearly isn't, it gives false hope"

Both of those show empathy towards the women so desperately trying to conceive.

Instead your OP actually attacked such women, and the superior attitude that comes across in your subsequent comments is just, well.......

@JacquesHammer there was a mis-spelling in one of your earlier posts, I think you meant twat, not twit.

I'm actually going to report this thread because it's really not in the spirit of mumsnet and is one of the most god awful things I've read

NoSauce · 10/10/2019 13:51

I'm actually going to report this thread because it's really not in the spirit of mumsnet and is one of the most god awful things I've read

Really? Did you just join MN today then?

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/10/2019 13:53

I never posted a pee stick thread but was under orders from my consultant to test early because after recurrent miscarriages I had a treatment regime to follow from bfp and knew it would only work if I found out as early as possible. It became an expensive stressful nightmare and I ended up taking my bbt to get more of an idea of what was happening and when to bother testing which helped a lot.

Not everyone who’s testing early is a neurotic pain in the arse, some of us had to do it to have a chance of getting a successful pregnancy. Not everyone has a shag, a bfp and a baby 9 months later and can afford to be super calm and relaxed about making babies.

With my DD I was on steroids, antibiotics, progesterone and two kinds of blood thinners by 2 days before my period was due and it worked.

FrangipaniBlue · 10/10/2019 13:55

No @NoSauce I'm a long time user but post is deliberately aimed at a specific group of Mumsnetters and if I was one of those people I'd be devastated to read this.

Not cool.

Lweji · 10/10/2019 13:57

I fully agree with you, FrangipaniBlue. It's very offensive for people posting pregnancy test threads.

Lweji · 10/10/2019 13:59

OTOH, it should stand to show the OP for what it is.

Topseyt · 10/10/2019 14:00

Gindaddy has it spot on.

This is a goady and inconsiderate thread to have posted. I'm surprised it is still up since I looked at it before work this morning.

Yes, OP, you are goady. You didn't take any time to consider the reasons why people might be so desperate that they post images of their pregnancy tests. Only someone who has had an empathy bypass could fail so completely to grasp this.

People need support at various times in their lives. That is what a site like this is for, amongst other things. Your goady thread, which implies that they are stupid, is hardly in that spirit and may discourage them from coming forward.

Topseyt · 10/10/2019 14:04

I also agree with Frangipaniblue that the thread is not in the spirit of the site.

NoSauce · 10/10/2019 14:08

No @NoSauce I'm a long time user but post is deliberately aimed at a specific group of Mumsnetters and if I was one of those people I'd be devastated to read this

It’s aimed at anyone who posts a thread asking if there’s a line on a pregnancy test. Nobody specific.