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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that if you can’t take a simple pregnancy test without help, you shouldn’t be considering parenthood.

239 replies

TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 06:59

What is it with all the numerous “can you help me with a pregnancy test?” and “line eyes!” threads?

Parenting is much harder than PingOAS and looking for a line. If you can’t manage this, you’ve fallen at the first hurdle.

OP posts:
Lweji · 10/10/2019 10:24

Damn.

Meant to say understatement of the year!!!

Pardonwhat · 10/10/2019 10:28

Maybe they’re like me and aren’t sure if the line is strong enough? I didn’t believe I was pregnant until I went and bought one of those clear blue worded ones.

Or maybe they don’t dare to believe it?

Either way, stop being such a misery. Just don’t reply Confused

CharityConundrum · 10/10/2019 10:32

You know what's really hard about parenting? Judgy buggers criticising everything you bloody do.

hyperkatinka · 10/10/2019 10:41

YABU - of course people want reassurance for one of the biggest life upheavals they'll ever face. Good for you if you're not prone to flapping Op!

GinDaddy · 10/10/2019 10:47

@CharityConundrum amen to that!

NoSauce · 10/10/2019 10:50

Hmm there’s never any judgy threads on MN are there? Hmm

GinDaddy · 10/10/2019 10:55

@NoSauce

Haha yes of course -

However I think there's a distinction between judging folk for something which is largely subjective (purchases, choices, etc) and judging people around topics relating to the creation of / survival of life.

It's my personal opinion that there's a gulf/chasm between those two subject areas.

(I'm sure I'll be told soon enough that "AIBU is universally harsh and people need to suck it up if they post on here" etc)

JacquesHammer · 10/10/2019 10:58

There's a very fine line between judging quietly to yourself and starting a thread about said judgement and making yourself look a bit of a twit.

NoSauce · 10/10/2019 11:02

Come on now, judging quietly? On MN? People speak their mind, whichever side of the fence they’re on.

Fwiw I think posters would be taken more seriously with the “is this a line?” If they posted in the appropriate section instead of AIBU. People reading them would be more understandable and equipped to answer their query.

Whattodoabout · 10/10/2019 11:08

Some tests are genuinely difficult to read. The clearblue ones with the cross are particularly horrible if you test early and it’s faint.

It’d be nice if everyone just took a first response test, they are the best but they’re also expensive.

FavaBeansAndANiceChianti · 10/10/2019 11:10

If they posted in the appropriate section instead of AIBU

But it's all part of the desperation isn't it. We know that AIBU has a lot of traffic in comparison to other subjects.

Someone who's desperate to know if they're pregnant after having a miscarriage a few months prior isn't going to want to wait hours or even days for someone to reply on one of the other areas.

I have to agree with GinDaddy again. There is a huge difference between judging something that in the grand scheme of things doesn't really matter and judging a person who could really have been through a lot of shit over something so life changing as a baby.

It's such a sensitive subject. I think the least we can do is show a bit of compassion and patience with something so huge in another person's life.

I know it's known as a bit of a vipers nest but we can all be decent human beings can't we?

Just scroll past if you don't like it. No need to mock anyone.

TheyWentToSeaInASieve · 10/10/2019 11:11

OP, I think you are awfully mean. I am sorry.

I should have posted when I realised my line was getting fainter until it was no longer. Instead we cried through the miscarriage alone. After TTC for 8 years. You've really no idea.

BertieBotts · 10/10/2019 11:14

I think one of the most important skills you can have in parenting is knowing when to ask for advice from those who have been there before. The very nature of it is that there are always a rolling number of people in whichever stage so making those connections and pooling wisdom of those who have been through what you're going through now is invaluable imo.

JacquesHammer · 10/10/2019 11:18

Come on now, judging quietly? On MN? People speak their mind, whichever side of the fence they’re on

I never said don't speak your mind. Just consider whether you're going to look foolish when doing so, something the OP has fallen foul of Grin

RavenLG · 10/10/2019 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sceptre86 · 10/10/2019 11:33

I find it quite sweet tbh and always hope they get the outcome they are after. I got positive tests 5 days before my period was due with both my kids but always made sure to test first thing in the morning. I can understand that people might want a second opinion aa the cheaper tests can sometimes be harder to read.

Original poster
TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 11:37

can understand that people might want a second opinion aa the cheaper tests can sometimes be harder to read.

The more I think about it, the more I think the cheap tests are the real problem.

They’re crappy and they’re so cheap they lead to early testing and over testing. But nobody trusts them so then they want the hive to have a look...

OP posts:
Miljah · 10/10/2019 11:50

I admit I don't get why if you can't see a line, but desperately want there to be one, posting a low res image of it on a SM forum, and getting 'Ooooh! I can see it!' replies is going to help your mental health when you evidently aren't pregnant.

However, 14 years on MN alerts me to the fact that there are an awful lot of people out there who rely on MN to share in their lives, and advise every life decision.

GinDaddy · 10/10/2019 11:51

@TheyWentToSeaInASieve

I know I have never experienced the physical side, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am to read this. My DW suffered miscarriages and that evaporation of hope, and the pain that follows in every sense...hope you are ok

NoSauce · 10/10/2019 11:54

But can’t you see by women posting such threads they are opening themselves up to being told “they definitely are pregnant” “I had a line like that and it’s now a 3 year old eating coco pops” or such when in reality it might not be a line after all.

People just like to give their experiences on those threads with little thought to the person behind the screen.

FavaBeansAndANiceChianti · 10/10/2019 11:56

help your mental health when you evidently aren't pregnant

Well it won't obviously. Which is why I agree that people who reply to these threads need to be careful with what they say and don't lie to someone because you think it will make them feel better.

I also think someone suffering as a lot of these people are, with fertility issues, miscarriages etc... Don't know that they 'evidently aren't pregnant' because they are so desperate to be that they believe they are even when there's no signs to say otherwise.

Things like this toy with your mind on such a deep level that I don't think it's a simple as that. It's very easy to be tricked into believing something that you so desperately want to be true even if others can see clearly that it's not.

JacquesHammer · 10/10/2019 11:56

They’re crappy and they’re so cheap they lead to early testing and over testing

They're not actually crappy - they're just as reliable as more expensive tests (user error notwithstanding!) and often read different levels of hCG. They're also incredibly useful when you're testing several times every month.

IncrediblySadToo · 10/10/2019 12:19

@TottieandMarchpane

You’re just continuing to show yourself up

Your OP & attitude is nasty

Your comments to @GinDaddy were nasty & uncalled for.

This week of all weeks too - just fucking nasty

gingersausage · 10/10/2019 12:20

So why don’t people just use the pregnant/not pregnant test? And why do people test multiple times far to early for it to show up?

SinkGirl · 10/10/2019 12:25

So why don’t people just use the pregnant/not pregnant test?

Because they’re extortionate and require a far higher level of hcg to show a positive.