Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not do this

178 replies

WhatTheFluck · 09/10/2019 20:41

Asked after school nanny today to do a later shift tomorrow, so will finish at 10pm.
Aibu not to do an evening meal for her? She isn't coming straight from another job

OP posts:
BadLad · 09/10/2019 23:38

Placemarking in case I ever need to explain the meaning of "absolute tightarse".

Wishforsnow · 09/10/2019 23:43

It's not like working in an office where you may bring lunch and microwave as earlier suggested. You trust this person with your children but don't give them free rein of your fridge. You sound incredibly tight. I would be asking if they wanted something from ordered in regardless what I was paying.

Wishforsnow · 09/10/2019 23:46

Arg autocorrect wrecked that but you get the gist!

Wonkybanana · 09/10/2019 23:48

I don't see why you would have to provide a meal. Does anyone here get meals provided at work?

It's a completely different environment to working in an office. Chefs get to eat at work, whenever I've been in a café at lunchtime there's always one of the waiting staff sitting in a corner eating lunch from the café - ok they may not be allowed to eat the fillet steak, but they do get to eat.

Chloemol · 09/10/2019 23:54

Sorry she normally does 3 till 6. You want her to do 3 to 10, I assume as a one off and not feed her but I assume expect her to feed your kids!

Get real. If I was your nanny and you did that to me I would be off

peanutbutterandbanana · 09/10/2019 23:57

Where has the milk of human kindness gone in this world? Christ, feed the poor woman - she is looking after your most precious thing, so treat her like she is really important. Un-fucking-believable.

C8H10N4O2 · 10/10/2019 00:00

f course I expect her to eat but wasn't sure if that was my responsibility. I am kind of new to employing nannies

Are you new to being a decent human being? Someone is spending 7 hours in your house, caring for your children and you wouldn't offer them food (or in the case of a nanny - tell them to help themselves if they prefer)

NoSquirrels · 10/10/2019 00:21

Where is all this not expecting her to eat come from? I have not said that. I have simply asked if it was my job to cook her a meal or if its assumed she will bring her own.

As with all things, it helps not to assume. Ask your real human nanny what she’d prefer!

Your nanny is a human being and is with your children so often that she should really be treated like family. Imagine you've cooked a meal for your children but not her. How does that look to your children? As though she's the hired help who isn't very important, that's how it looks.

This, with knobs on.

But staggered you needed it pointing out!

tolerable · 10/10/2019 00:24

ok.no.you dont have to cook her a meal. shes a grown up and should be able to manage that, do you leave precooked for kids,issue another portion or point out to her whats available/off limits.ie.your dinner

IsobelRae23 · 10/10/2019 00:35

Bloody hell you sound like a right twat of an employer. You are obviously new to being a nanny, and carry on like this you will be a new employer to your next nanny too.

bornonasunday · 10/10/2019 00:54

My first proper job after leaving college was as a nanny to 2 girls aged 5 and 7. It was my job to meet them from school, oversee any school work, feed them, bath them and get them off to bed.
Every single day I was with them, their Mother had provided food for me, as well as the girls, and I was told/ expected to help myself if I wanted anything else. I was only 19 and this did not seem at all unusual. This was in 1984!
Surely times have not got so bad, that we have slipped back to the extent that op even needs to ask this??

Ispini · 10/10/2019 02:23

Surely it’s not that difficult to put some meat and veg in a slow cooker! I would be mortified if I didn’t feed a babysitter. What the hell?

bakesalesally · 10/10/2019 02:24

Ugh. You sound like an awful boss.

I treat my housekeeper like she is family, I want her to be comfortable and happy in our home and with our kids.

If she isn't happy, the kids aren't happy and I can't work.

It isn't rocket science.

Firstawake · 10/10/2019 07:08

It's up to your conscience, you know what's right....or do you want her to leave?

royalton · 10/10/2019 07:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheVanguardSix · 10/10/2019 07:28

Tight!

Collision · 10/10/2019 07:38

I believe the thread hasn’t gone the way the Op wanted it to so I think she may have disappeared, hidden the thread and name changed.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Girasole02 · 10/10/2019 07:38

I would not like to work for you if you even have to ask this.

Brefugee · 10/10/2019 08:14

if you wanted me to work those hours and not get fed it would be the last shift i ever did for you. If i did it at all. What is wrong with you?

Boireannachlaidir · 10/10/2019 08:19

Jeeeze OP it's got nothing to do with you not having employed a nanny before and everything to do with having an ounce of common sense, decency and thoughtfulness to ensure that someone you've employed to look after your children in your own home until 10pm will have a meal/food in that they can help themselves to.

That you have to ask on here speaks volumes. I'd hate to have you as my employer. HTH. Confused YABU btw.

Aprillygirl · 10/10/2019 08:22

She’s doing you a favour by working overtime. The least you could do is provide some hot food for her, seeing as she is working past dinner time. Why would you even have to ask this? Why would you not just do it as a matter of coarse? You must be really tight OP. Confused

DeathStare · 10/10/2019 08:28

I don't think your phrasing here helped you OP when you said Aibu not to do an evening meal for her? She isn't coming straight from another job it sounded very much as though you didn't want to have to provide her with a meal and were trying to find a way not to.

If you had said My nanny is going to stay until 10pm tonight so won't be home for dinner like she usually is. I'm new to having a nanny so don't know what the norm is - is it likely she will bring her own dinner or should I make sure there is a meal in for her? that would have had a very different emphasis and I suspect you'd have had different responses.

Jux · 10/10/2019 11:08

Lottie, people at work usually have some time when they are reemto go out, buy a sandwich, and eat it in the park. Unless OP wants the nanny to leave the house without the child in order to buy food and consume it, then I don't think you are comparing like with like.

Whattodoabout · 10/10/2019 11:10

I wouldn’t expect to give a meal for the usual 3-6 shift but definitely for a 3-10 shift. That’s a long time to be expected to go without food!

Interestedwoman · 10/10/2019 11:36

I think 'help yourself to X' is the bare minimum.

Swipe left for the next trending thread