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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not do this

178 replies

WhatTheFluck · 09/10/2019 20:41

Asked after school nanny today to do a later shift tomorrow, so will finish at 10pm.
Aibu not to do an evening meal for her? She isn't coming straight from another job

OP posts:
thebakerwithboobs · 09/10/2019 22:43

OP, we had a nanny for years, not because we are flash but because we had six children and it was a cheaper option than other childcare. I'm assuming this is the reason for your choice also, and convenience as the nanny is in your home. However, that's where the conversation about a nanny being a financial decision or a commodity should end. Your nanny is a human being and is with your children so often that she should really be treated like family. Imagine you've cooked a meal for your children but not her. How does that look to your children? As though she's the hired help who isn't very important, that's how it looks. A nanny should be so much more than that. She is nurturing your children when you're not there to do it for them (not a criticism, see above!) and as such you should treat her with respect and gratitude-I promise you will have this repaid to you in spades. Of course cook her a dinner (our nanny no longer works with us but I can still tell you her favourite meal is soaghetti carbonara...) She might not expect it but then you've made a deposit in her emotional bank account haven't you? Lose the 'employee/employee' attitude and replace it with a 'thank you for helping me' one and you'll make the right choice.

TheRealMrsHopper · 09/10/2019 22:44

My wee great gran always said treat people the way you would want to be treated yourself. Would you want your employer to provide food? If yes then there is your answer.

Also it's nice to be nice, sorry for all the cliches. Treat your nanny well and she will help you when you need it.

Movinghouseatlast · 09/10/2019 22:45

Of course you bloody do. You expect her to go 7 hours without food?

ReanimatedSGB · 09/10/2019 22:48

What's happening about the DCs' evening meal? Are you leaving something for her to heat up for them, or expecting her to cook for them? What you need to do is ask her what she would prefer and give options - providing enough food for her to eat with DC, offering money for a takeaway, or leaving something else for her. She may have dietary restrictions that make it easier for her to bring her own food and heat it up in your microwave, of course.

Soon2BeMumof3 · 09/10/2019 22:48

OP I am a former nanny and current employer of a nanny-

In your situation I think it's fine to just tell her to help herself to your cupboards and fridge. I wouldn't prepare a meal for her. I might direct her to some fresh ingredients and let her know she's welcome to cook anything she finds. ie 'there's some fresh pasta and veggies in the fridge if you fancy cooking that into a sauce'

Presumably your children will go to bed and she'll have a couple of hours to herself at the end of the shift in which to prepare and eat her own meal.

WagtailRobin · 09/10/2019 22:50

It's bizarre to me you even felt the need to question this; I'm not suggesting you cook her a meal in advance but in the least you should tell her to feel free to help herself to something in the fridge.

raspberryk · 09/10/2019 22:51

Surely if dinner is pre made family meal she just scoops a portion and eats with the kids, or if she is cooking then there should be enough for her to have dinner too? I would never consider leaving out the nanny or babysitter from meal times.

DontFuckingSayIt · 09/10/2019 22:51

If her other job finishes at 12, I'm guessing she starts at 8 or earlier, so she's doing an 11+ hour day... that's a pretty big favour really, you ought to offer her a meal especially as she'll be cooking/serving one for your children anyway.

Collision · 09/10/2019 22:52

Fluck......no need to be defensive. It’s the way you have written the post. You sound very abrupt and abrasive.

If you had written

I’m new to hiring a nanny and tonight she’s doing a longer shift from 3-10pm. What do you think I should do about food? Leave her something to cook for her and the children to eat together or let her feed the children and give her a tenner to order a Chinese?
What would you do?

Then we would chirpily have given you our thoughts.

It’s your tone that sucks.

CherryPavlova · 09/10/2019 22:53

You sound incredibly mean. You may not keep employees long.

Our nannies always knew they could help themselves to whatever was in the house. A 3pm - 10pm shift they would usually cook supper for themselves and the children. Even babysitters were told to dig around and help themselves.

Actually, our cleaners can help themselves; they rarely do but if they want a drink or biscuits they just sort themselves out. Very occasionally they’ll have a sandwich if they’re not having a break between jobs and have slotted in an extra session for me.

cansu · 09/10/2019 22:56

I don't think you need to prepare it but I would get a pizza or stuff for sandwiches and tell her to help herself.

BrendasUmbrella · 09/10/2019 22:56

Who will be cooking for the dc's at dinner time? Would it be the end of the world for that person to make another portion?

Just text her and ask if she'd like to have dinner provided or would rather bring her own food.

Ilovemypantry · 09/10/2019 22:58

There’s none so queer as folk!

Lottle · 09/10/2019 23:00

I don't see why you would have to provide a meal. Does anyone here get meals provided at work? She should be allowed to bring her own and use your microwave etc in my opinion.

73Sunglasslover · 09/10/2019 23:05

I think in most places people take their own food to work. Can you just make it clear that she's fine to use your cooker/ microwave to heat up any food she brings?

ReuT3 · 09/10/2019 23:07

If it's a short commute does that mean she can leave your DC to go home and eat at the standard meal time and come back? Breaks are 30 minutes eating not 30 minutes walking to and from. If the answer is no and she usually gets snacks you should make her aware that you only give snacks before she accepts the new shift time and that you recommend she brings a packed lunch. If you haven't informed her you are responsible for her meal too. She can't go without even if she's had time, information is very important if it's going to trouble you to give her a meal.

Sportsnight · 09/10/2019 23:09

Well I wouldn’t cook for her but I would let her take her pick of the cupboards. Our nanny works 8-6 and quite often has lunch in with the kids too. Sometimes she brings her own, sometimes she eats our stuff. I don’t mind either way, but I think it’s healthy and good for them to eat together.

Do ask your nanny though. She may prefer to bring her own. (Spot the proud owner of several allergies!)

LemonPrism · 09/10/2019 23:10

Why though? Are you leaving food for the kids? It seems rather cruel to expect her to eat her dinner before 3pm or after 10pm.

HeadintheiClouds · 09/10/2019 23:12

Of course she’s not going to bring her own, why would she even think of doing that?!

Giraffey1 · 09/10/2019 23:15

Yes, to answer your question you ABU not to provide a meal for your any.
I am very surprised you even need to ask.

Giraffey1 · 09/10/2019 23:18

Nanny not any....

Aveisenim · 09/10/2019 23:24

Yes you are being bloody unreasonable. Leave a meal!

IncrediblySadToo · 09/10/2019 23:25

Let’s hope some of you don’t ever employ a nanny.

You don’t need to make a meal for her, but you should tell her to help herself to whatever she fancies.

Keep asking questions or you’ll not have a nanny for long!

Moondancer73 · 09/10/2019 23:30

So you expect her to go seven hours with no food? I'd be looking for another job if you were my employer

Whatisthisfuckery · 09/10/2019 23:33

Fuck me, you can afford a nanny but you’re too stingy to give her a bit of tea on a 7 hour shift? God, you don’t get rich by giving it away do ya?