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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not do this

178 replies

WhatTheFluck · 09/10/2019 20:41

Asked after school nanny today to do a later shift tomorrow, so will finish at 10pm.
Aibu not to do an evening meal for her? She isn't coming straight from another job

OP posts:
allgoodinthehood · 09/10/2019 21:21

She will do it this time as she has agreed BUT she wont do you a favour again. You sound like you dont like her very much

DisneyMadeMeDoIt · 09/10/2019 21:21

YABVU!

Usually I would say no as 3pm- 6pm is perfectly reasonable to go home and make her own food but 3pm-10pm is not!
Thats a fair time to go without a meal and means she either has to eat before 3pm or after 10pm.

I second what others are saying - Just provide an extra portion of whatever the kids are having - doesn’t need to be anything large or fancy but you do need to offer something.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 09/10/2019 21:22

Why do you not want to feed her?

chillychicken · 09/10/2019 21:22

I think you’ll be looking for a new Nanny soon Hmm

Straycatstrut · 09/10/2019 21:23

If it was me I'd prepare my own meal and heat it up at your house - but I'm a veggie and a fussy eater so easier all round!

Does she cook for your DC? I'd just say a quick "Obviously you're welcome to some too if you'd like!"

weaselish · 09/10/2019 21:24

Yabu! Our after school nanny can help herself to anything she likes even just for her normal shift (3-6pm), but if she stays late OF COURSE she can have dinner. I wouldn't make it, she would make the kids' dinner anyway and then either have some of that or whatever she fancied!

Mookie81 · 09/10/2019 21:26

TheQueef Grin
Seriously though, what is wrong with people? How can this even be a bloody question?!

MinTheMinx · 09/10/2019 21:27

I bet you're fun to work for OP.

Here's a little test: pretend you're the nanny. Can you work out the answer now?

finn1020 · 09/10/2019 21:27

I hope she cares for your kids more than you care about her. She should look for a better employer.

pontiouspilates · 09/10/2019 21:28

I'm not sure I understand why you wouldn't feed her? That's a long shift and as a pp said, I assume that she will be feeding your children, can she not eat with them?

wowza7 · 09/10/2019 21:29

Yabvu
I'm glad I'm not employed by youConfused

WingDefence · 09/10/2019 21:32

Is this a reverse AIBU?

iwannagohome · 09/10/2019 21:32

Glad I don't work for you OP

diddl · 09/10/2019 21:33

Won't she be feeding the kids?

Of course she should eat as well if she's there until 10pm!

I worked until 5.30/6pm but sometimes ate at 5 with the kids as I was starving!

AWaspOnAWindowReturns · 09/10/2019 21:33

Sorry OP but you are coming across as rather mean.
If tradespeople/cleaner/nurses happen to be in our house at a time when I'm feeding the kids/myself, they get offered a sandwich at the very least, and I wouldn't have considered my offer to be unusual...

Cherrysherbet · 09/10/2019 21:34

Jeez you are tight Confused

WarshipWarrior · 09/10/2019 21:34

Got a brain wave for you OP

Why dont you ask her!

"Would you like me to do you some dinner?" Most likely she'll say no and sort herself out/bring something to heat up/get a takeaway etc but obviously you should offer.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 09/10/2019 21:35

By saying “she isn’t coming straight from another job”, do you mean that you think she will be able to eat enough food at lunchtime so that she won’t get hungry again until she gets home after she finishes at 10 pm?
If you ate a big meal at 2pm, would you not eat again until 11pm? That isn’t a considerate or an intelligent point.
Perhaps if I ask the question in a way that puts you and your interests first (as I think that might make it easier for you to understand.....Are you hoping that she will want to work for you in the long term? Are you hoping that she might agree to work a late shift for you again? If so, then it will serve you well to treat her well.

Stiltons · 09/10/2019 21:35

Clearly a reverse

NoSquirrels · 09/10/2019 21:37

But why wouldn’t you feed her?

I’d feed anyone looking after my DC if they were there til 10pm.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 09/10/2019 21:38

Well she will need to eat. Can’t she just eat with the children? Or you could leave her some money for a takeaway?

MustShowDH · 09/10/2019 21:39

This must be a reverse.

What do your kids get to eat in the time?
Can't she sit down and have a meal with them?

It would serve you right if she can never work late again if you don't treat her with respect.

Whoopstheregomyinsides · 09/10/2019 21:39

I'd definitely offer. It's nice to be nice. She can say no but if you offer it's nicer

EssentialHummus · 09/10/2019 21:39

FWIW every time we've been in this situation the nanny has brought her own dinner to have once DD is in bed at 8pm or so. But I'd always tell her to help herself to whatever if she wanted.

rainbowlou · 09/10/2019 21:40

I’ve never nannied for anyone that hasn’t told me to help myself and pointed out what’s in the cupboards, and that’s if I’ve done a 3 hour after school shift or a 10 hour day!
Surely she is preparing the children’s meal and can plate herself some up?