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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not do this

178 replies

WhatTheFluck · 09/10/2019 20:41

Asked after school nanny today to do a later shift tomorrow, so will finish at 10pm.
Aibu not to do an evening meal for her? She isn't coming straight from another job

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 09/10/2019 22:10

Yes provide food or tell her to help herself. Is she doesn’t usually make tea for children then are you asking her to cook as she is there later. If you are leaving food for children then just make extra eg pasta bake they can all share.
It’s not as if she can take a break for 30 mins a pop to shop.

NoSquirrels · 09/10/2019 22:11

Nothing to do with nanny/responsibility/employer-employee.

Actually, I take this back.

You seem to be approaching this employer-employee thing as if your workplace is some office job where you’d take a packed lunch or nip out for a sandwich from Pret.

You need to think more in terms of human connection than economics. I’m sure you appreciate why - you want the nanny to act like a lovely human to your small humans. Modelling how your family treats people is part of that.

SpagBowl99 · 09/10/2019 22:11

Yes, you should allow her to eat with your children. Cost £1.50?! She cooks it, non-issue!

AllTheFours44 · 09/10/2019 22:13

I’m calling reverse in this. If so, your employer is an asshole.

If it’s not a reverse, you, OP are being an asshole. Feed the nanny fgs. I assume she’ll need to feed your kids too so I’m sure you can stretch to another portion of whatever they’re having.

Girlking · 09/10/2019 22:13

Are you actually serious? She will be minding your children from 3pm until 10pm and you are wondering whether she will want to have a meal? Unbelievable...

Ithinkthis · 09/10/2019 22:14

i don’t get why the fact she finishes her other job at 12 and doesn’t come to you until 3 If she has lunch at around 1 she won’t be hungry to have a meal at 3 and to go until 10pm without having a meal since 1 is not very fair. I can see how if you would finish at 6 normally you would have dinner at home (to me dinner is 6:30-7 - but some people eat early) so you obviously don’t normally have an arrangement. I would text her tonight and say ‘as you are here all evening would you like ‘insert dinner here’ for supper or there is ‘insert quick staple foods I.e pasta’ in the cupboard - you are also welcome to bring something yourself which ever you are more comfortable with’

Collision · 09/10/2019 22:16

Blimey

Of course you leave food for her.....

I’m a nanny and the fact you have to ask would mean I would never want to work for you.

I snack on stuff at work. Do you leave things for her to eat?

RavenLG · 09/10/2019 22:18

Will you be leaving the kids a meal? If so text her and say
“I’m making xx meal for kids, it’ll be ok the fridge and need heated at xx degrees for xx minutes. Would you like me to leave you a portion or would you prefer to bring your own evening meal?”

If you’re not feeding the kids, why not? Same as above but perhaps text and say kids will have this arrangement for food, can I get you anything in or would you prefer to make your own arrangements for your evening meal?

Simple.

Destinesia · 09/10/2019 22:20

Will your children be eating between 3pm & 10pm?

If yes, then feed her too
If no, then don't

WorraLiberty · 09/10/2019 22:20

It's not a ridiculous question.
Of course I expect her to eat but wasn't sure if that was my responsibility. I am kind of new to employing nannies

Are you also new to being an adult human being?

Lilonetwo · 09/10/2019 22:22

My employer doesn't feed me 🤷

SparklyMagpie · 09/10/2019 22:22

Don't be a dick, she's working extra, why can't she have what your children are having?

I'd either leave an extra plate or a tenner for her to order

You seriously expect her to go without food for that long? Christ if I had someone looking after my son for a couple of hours I'd let them help themselves to whatever I had in the fridge or made

ucfo · 09/10/2019 22:23

Of course you need to make sure she has some food. 7 hours without food. What the fuck? Do you go 7 hours with nothing to eat?

What arrangements are being made for the children to eat? Surely she would eat with the children and if you are expecting her to make the children's food then obviously she should make enough for herself to have some. Or if you are leaving food for the children then for heaven's sake leave her a portion.

Talk to her and ask her whether she would like an extra portion leaving or her or whether she would like to bring something of her own from home or whether she would like to make herself some sandwiches or soup or something like that and then leave appropriate ingredients for her.

Bluntness100 · 09/10/2019 22:24

My employer doesn't feed me 🤷

are you a nanny who works till ten pm? If so you've a shit employer. If not, then it's irrelevant.

I'm also quite surprised if this really is a genuine question.

madeyemoodysmum · 09/10/2019 22:26

Bloody hell slave labour!

I’m glad I don’t work for you.

Original poster
WhatTheFluck · 09/10/2019 22:27

Where is all this not expecting her to eat come from? I have not said that. I have simply asked if it was my job to cook her a meal or if its assumed she will bring her own. Nowhere have I said she cannot eat. Confused

OP posts:
MummyofTw0 · 09/10/2019 22:28

Would you be happy for her not to feed your children?

You sound very inhumane

Petrichor11 · 09/10/2019 22:30

YABVU

As it happens, my employer (large private company) does provide food if we’re asked to work overtime outside usual office hours. Completely optional overtime fwiw. One summer a few years ago I had the majority of my weekday evening meals provided by work because I worked so much overtime!

Of course you feed the person who is in your home, looking after and feeding your children, for 7 hours! I know you’re paying her, but she’s still doing you a favour being available to work an extended shift, don’t begrudge her dinner!

Costacoffeeplease · 09/10/2019 22:31

Jeez, tightwad of the week award goes to....

inesj · 09/10/2019 22:34

Are you leaving dinner for the children or is she making it for them? It's normal to have food available for your nanny as well as snacks and drinks. I ask if there's anything particular she would like me to get. They're looking after your children - in your home. It's just manners to make sure they're comfortable, surely?

Maryann1975 · 09/10/2019 22:36

It’s a long time since I was a nanny but 15 years ago, it was completely standard for nannies to be fed during working hours. I wouldn’t expect to eat at work if I were an after school nanny and finishing at 6 as I would want to eat at home with my dh/family, but as a day time nanny I would expect lunch to be provided (I would make my own and generally eat with the dc). All my nanny jobs would ask the kind of thing I liked to eat and put some on their shopping list, or tell me to get what I wanted out of the kitty money. I never took the mickey, but it was a perk of the job (but also important for the dc to sit with someone else modelling good eating habits and making conversation while they wee eating).

Does your nanny not prepare your dc meal? Just make sure there is enough that she can make a option for herself or leave cash for her to stop at the supermarket on the way home from school to pick up something for her and the dc tea.

Bluntness100 · 09/10/2019 22:36

So you expect she brings a packed lunch or something? Hmm

shiningstar2 · 09/10/2019 22:39

You want her to work 3.00 until 10.00? Without a hot meal? That is the equivalent to a full day with the added inconvenience of it being evening. Assuming she leaves to come to you about 2.30 presumably lunch will be her last meal before coming. Not very gracious not to feed her imo regardless of whether 'entitled' or not. If you don't want to cook for her at least leave cold meats cheeses salad and crusty bread so she can at least have a proper meal or leave money for her to send out for a take away. I personally wouldn't take the risk of her refusing to accommodate you another time if she is left hungry until she returns home after an evening shift finishing at 10.00 pm.

pallisers · 09/10/2019 22:40

Even in the private sector, any time my team had to pull a late night - say until 10 instead of until 6 - we would send out for pizza or similar.

OP, a good rule of thumb if you have someone minding your children is to treat them as well as you possibly can - they are minding your children. You want them to be happy with you.

tolerable · 09/10/2019 22:42

3-10pm is inclusive of t time. just leave her dinner. i think its weird you wouldnt