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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what this woman was doing in a baby changing room?

98 replies

RoyalChocolat · 09/10/2019 10:23

This happened in a shopping center in France. There is a large baby changing room with a small toilet for toddlers. 9mo DD chose to do a poonami while we were shopping, so I took her there. The door was locked. I waited. And waited. And waited, while the poo was soaking through DD's clothes.

After 5 or 6 minutes, I heard the toilet flush. Then the door opened and a woman in her early 50s appeared, on her own. She gave me a contemptuous look and walked away.

The toilet for disabled people was about a metre away and it was free all the time. There were half a dozen free cubicles nearby.

Is there some sort of weird fetish I am not aware of? A medical problem that means you would need to use a toilet designed for nursery children?

OP posts:

Splenny · 09/10/2019 10:28

Maybe the disabled was being used when she got there or could have locked. I think it’s weird that you’ve concluded that it’s because of some sort of fetish.

Rosesarere · 09/10/2019 10:28

Maybe the disabled toilet was occupied when she got there so she used the nearest avaliable one?

sprite25 · 09/10/2019 10:28

I'd say she was just being inconsiderate and just went into the first toilet she passed.

ColaFreezePop · 09/10/2019 10:28

She was there before you so when she went to the toilet the disabled toilet may have been occupied.

PumpkinP · 09/10/2019 10:29

You sound like the weird one tbh, maybe she just used the closest one available. Hardly the crime of the century

randomnameone · 09/10/2019 10:30

So what.

Dinosforall · 09/10/2019 10:31

Couldn't you have used the disabled toilet to change her instead?

SmellbowSmellbow123 · 09/10/2019 10:31

Were you there the exact moment she entered the toilet? Are you 100% certain the disabled loo wasn’t being used when she arrived?

Is there some sort of weird fetish I am not aware of? A medical problem that means you would need to use a toilet designed for nursery children?

2 very odd perceptives of the situation right there.

BIWI · 09/10/2019 10:33

What does her age have to do with anything?

If you mean that she didn't have a baby with her, why not just say that?

Perhaps all the other toilets were busy when she went, and perhaps she was desperate to go. It's not like the disable toilet is it?

So yes, YABVU. And ageist.

Ponoka7 · 09/10/2019 10:34

I've done it because i don't want to take up the disabled toilet and there's been no-one around with a pram.

I had upset stomachs, all over sweats when i started on a new HRT and needed to freshen up and flush the toilet a few times i also had Menopause anxiety (now sorted).

Early 50's can equal mobility or Menopause issues. Or any of the medical issues that anyone can have.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 09/10/2019 10:34

She might have bowel or bladder problems and ran I to the first door she saw

formerbabe · 09/10/2019 10:36

Is there some sort of weird fetish I am not aware of?

I very much doubt it

Smelborp · 09/10/2019 10:37

Did she give you a contemptuous look because you looked at her in a ‘WTF?’ type of way? With all of the assumptions you made about her while your baby was soaking, I’m wondering what you did or indicated before the look.

AllFourOfThem · 09/10/2019 10:37

Maybe she has mobility issues that means it’s easier for her to use a smaller toilet or perhaps she was getting changed and wanted the larger space provided. Regardless, your assumptions seem to be very extreme.

Duckyneedsaclean · 09/10/2019 10:38

But if an odd reaction op . It was probably the only toilet available.

Venger · 09/10/2019 10:39

As others have said, the disabled toilets may haven been occupied or closed for cleaning when she arrived so it was the only available toilet.

Maybe she was desperate and it was the first toilet she came to so she ducked in rather than continuing to look around for another one.

Maybe she was with a baby or toddler and another adult. After changing the child's nappy the second adult took the child back out into the shop while whe used the loo before heading out to catch them up.

Maybe she has a medical need requiring a toilet, a sink, and counter space all in the one room.

Maybe she is just lazy and didn't want to walk to the other toilets.

Do you always give this much headspace to strangers toilet habits?

LouLouLoupee · 09/10/2019 10:39

Maybe the contemptuous look was covering up her embarrassment.
Imagine being desperate for the toilet, you have a condition that means you require the use of a disabled loo. The first one you come to is locked, you go to the next door, it has a sign on it but without your glasses you can’t make out what it says. Your stomach is cramping and you need to go now. So you go in, sit on the toilet and relieve yourself. Then you look around, realise where you are and start to fret a bit. The door rattles, now your holding up someone else as well. Mortified all you can do is finish and leave
Could literally be any of us

Number3or4 · 09/10/2019 10:40

Maybe she had a child with her who used the toilet first and her stomach started to rumble whilst waiting for said child to finish its business. As soon as child finished she ran in and shouted to her freind/partner to take the child.

LaurieMarlow · 09/10/2019 10:41

I dunno OP, may she got lost, was desperate, lazy, it genuinely was the only loo available.

Jumping straight to 'fetish' is very odd. Says a lot more about you.

PARunnerGirl · 09/10/2019 10:41

My father had cancer surgery resulting in a stoma. It was a big change for him and he has coped so well with such a challenging and life changing thing. You can’t control when you may need to change the bag, and to do this you need time and space. You can control the way you view your life though and not let it stop you doing things like going shopping.

Of course I don’t know that this lady had any issues like this, but it is quite common. I’d hate to think of someone judging my dad in this way, calling him contemptuous or assuming he must just be selfish, when he is trying to live a normal life again.

I would suggest a little compassion, just in case. What harm can it do to think the best of people, rather than the worst, as your default?

mnthrowaway2099 · 09/10/2019 10:44

I don’t think 5-6 minutes is that long to wait for a single vacant bathroom under normal circumstances - obviously it felt like a decade for you because you had that accident and the immediate stench/aftermath to deal with. But what if the old lady needed a shit too and was cleaning up after herself? You’re just assuming she was urinating or was there for banter?

Also it’s likely that she didn’t, at first, realise she entered a toddler sized cubicle. She could have assumed it was another disabled cubicle or would have the same sized loos as the rest of the shopping complex. In fact, if the small size was difficult for her to use it might explain why she took longer than usual. You also don’t know how long she may have been waiting for a free bathroom - she could have been waiting longer than you for all you know and used this one out of desperation.

Also can I just say, it’s really annoying when you’re using the toilet and someone is huffing and puffing outside and making comments outside/constantly trying the handle - it actually makes you want to stay in longer due to the threat of unnecessary confrontation/rude comments/death stares when you get out.

BlairWaldorfLovesShopping · 09/10/2019 10:45

I know the type of toilets OP means, you get them in French motorway services as well. It would be a big room with 1-2 baby changing stations and a little loo in the corner. It's literally a child sized toilet, about 2/3 the size of a normal one and very low down - surely no adult would choose to use this if there were others available. And there wouldn't have been a baby change in the disabled toilet because there was a dedicated room available. In my experience you either get a baby change room or nothing in France! I agree with you OP, it's weird of her. But like PPs have said, there could be reasons for her choosing to use a miniature toilet.

icannotremember · 09/10/2019 10:45

How do you know the disabled toilet was free when she got there?

Your post is weird. Fetish?

Original poster

RoyalChocolat · 09/10/2019 10:46

I don't think I am being weird. There was nowhere else to change my baby, who was getting more and more uncomfortable, and I doubt all the cubicles she had to walk past to reach the baby changing unit were busy at the time (should I have made a diagram )

However, I will follow the wisdom of Mumsnet and accept that IABU because I could not get the whole picture. Thank you.

OP posts:

mnthrowaway2099 · 09/10/2019 10:46

Especially if you had to wait in a queue for the loo yourself *

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