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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what this woman was doing in a baby changing room?

98 replies

RoyalChocolat · 09/10/2019 10:23

This happened in a shopping center in France. There is a large baby changing room with a small toilet for toddlers. 9mo DD chose to do a poonami while we were shopping, so I took her there. The door was locked. I waited. And waited. And waited, while the poo was soaking through DD's clothes.

After 5 or 6 minutes, I heard the toilet flush. Then the door opened and a woman in her early 50s appeared, on her own. She gave me a contemptuous look and walked away.

The toilet for disabled people was about a metre away and it was free all the time. There were half a dozen free cubicles nearby.

Is there some sort of weird fetish I am not aware of? A medical problem that means you would need to use a toilet designed for nursery children?

OP posts:
PlasticPatty · 09/10/2019 11:43

You're a lovely, tolerant person, OP. Not.

Ninkaninus · 09/10/2019 11:43

People have already explained that there well could have been a medical reason for it.

Also if someone was standing outside fussing and moaning and huffing and otherwise being a bit of a tit, I would have given them a contemptuous look as well. Were you by any chance tutting and making a fuss while you were waiting?

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 09/10/2019 11:47

I've had to start using different cubicles in some places now. For example my local ASDA has wedged 3 toilet cubicles into their toilets meaning every cubicle is very very small. At 33 weeks pregnant with crutches I just don't fit any more. This means that on some occasions I have had to use a parent and child toilet as theirs much more space. I do get glares sometimes which is disappointing as I would imagine the majority of the mums I meet coming out have been pregnant themselves. I can't let myself get too upset about it as I don't have any alternatives.

Samosaurus · 09/10/2019 11:51

Your thought processes are quite odd if your mind leaps straight to fetish rather than any other possibility!

Paravati · 09/10/2019 11:52

Ugh you do sound very strange to come to that conclusion and what's her age got to do with it?

Admit it, you think you & your baby are more important & you should've had instant access to the space! Entitled much?Hmm

YABU

managedmis · 09/10/2019 11:53

I had the same thing, a young bloke who looked like a workman came out of the kids toilet Confused

thecatsarecrazy · 09/10/2019 11:56

In our shopping centre there is a baby changing room with one toilet. Quite often people come out having just used it as their own personal loo. Really annoys me

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/10/2019 11:56

Jamie
But it doesn’t work! You need the English version. However I share the sentiment.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 09/10/2019 12:02

Rather rude of a PP to refer to the lady who had been described as 'in her early 50s' by the OP as 'old lady'. Wow!

Regarding the original post, anyone who has IBS will know that when you have to go, you have to go - you go into the first loo you can get to, no matter what the designation.

Do you always change your child's nappy immediately it makes a mess so you can't wait 5 minutes??

Paravati · 09/10/2019 12:09

If it was that much of a degree of urgency for a kid to have their nappy changed eg in under 5-6 minutes wait then OP could have used any other toilet to do this. But no...

It's the same as those types of people who get all arsey about P&C parking spaces whilst there is plenty of roomy spaces to use in other parts of the car park.

How did people get by before? Manufactured First World Problem Central here. Sheesh.

stupidboyman · 09/10/2019 12:12

But my point is - you don't know. All you can do is try and be considerate yourself not get your knickers in a twist when others aren't.

I wouldn't go in the baby change to do my make up. But it's as likely this woman did as she has a hidden stoma bag or she just shit herself. Regardless it's not my place to get annoyed with her about it because I don't know. I've got 4 children and have dealt with plenty of poonamis. 5 minutes is really not very long. Certainly not long enough to be getting all worked up over someone else's use of the space. Presumably it would have been ok if another poo covered baby had been using the space?

LemonYumYums · 09/10/2019 12:13

Why on earth do you care though? I mean why? You sound really odd.

Yummymummy2020 · 09/10/2019 12:14

To be honest this wouldn’t really bother me much because although it is designed with family use in mind, it’s still a public toilet. Generally with any Changing facility I approach it expecting a wait (hopefully a short one) and feel I have hit the jack pot when I get there if it’s empty. I second the hidden medical conditions as I know of a few people that need the space for care whole out and about for various reasons. Nobody likes to have to wait with a crying child or stinky explosive nappy but it’s just one of those things and the downside to being out and about with a young baby. I’d imagine the stress of the nappy explosion contributed to your reaction to this, but I probably wouldn’t sweat the small stuff myself on this one, especially as if I had to take up a changing facility with my little one or because I had a health condition that required its use id hope the next person would be understanding about it! If she had no good reason to be in there at all I still wouldn’t let it trouble me given it was a short wait in the grand scheme of things!

LoseLooseLucy · 09/10/2019 12:18

I actually agree with you stupidboyman, I personally wouldn't be so quick to judge someone who had used it, I'm aware there can be many reasons.
I'd just find using it to apply make-up only pretty selfish, that would annoy me (and I'd also have no way of knowing if it was used for that purpose, so I'd have smiled at her coming out. A bloody fetish would have been the last thing on my mind 😳).

FizzyIce · 09/10/2019 12:20

Why did you honestly think this deserved to be a thread ?
Do you have that much time on your hands?
Jeez...

ucfo · 09/10/2019 12:24

She could have a medical problem - the first thing that sprung to mind was faecal incontinence. Would need more space to change and clean up afterwards and there's a nappy bin to put the used product in. (Sanitary bins are not designed for that and the opening is normally not large enough).
Could have a colostomy bag - friend of mine had one for 3 or 4 years. It was difficult for him - he needed space to change it and to dispose of it and wash his hands and he didn't want to be doing this in the normal loos.

Did you bang or rattle on the door while waiting? Don't know why she would glare at you just because you were outside quietly waiting for her to finish. Or maybe you glared at her first without realizing and she returned the favour.
I was using a normal cubicle toilet once and had been in it for 20 seconds when someone started banging and rattling on the door. Maybe they were desperate for the loo - who knows - but I had a stomach upset and it was taking some time. So after more banging and rattling I said "Sorry, but I can't go any faster". Silence for a few seconds - then the banging started again. (There was another loo being used at the same time and they were taking longer than me). So I ended up completely flipping out "What the hell do you want me to do? Stand up and shit all over the floor?"
Dead silence. And when she did go into the loo it took ages for the wee sounds to start - so she couldn't have been that desperate.
It wasn't one of my better moments - but what the fuck - come on, people should have a bit of patience.

HolyMilkBoobiesBatman · 09/10/2019 12:24

Perhaps she had a stoma which requires space and access to a sink in order to change it and maybe the disabled toilet was occupied when she got there.

You seem quite narrow minded OP.

Drabarni · 09/10/2019 12:29

Comments of Ageist? Honestly.
Hardly old at 50, cheeky mare Grin

NoSauce · 09/10/2019 12:33

She probably had the shits and didn’t want to do it in the other loos. I don’t know why she gave you the look though, that is odd.

GPatz · 09/10/2019 12:35

'I'm sorry, but your baby will often have to wait more than 5 or 6 minutes to be changed!'

'5 minutes is really not very long'.

Unless it's a breastfeeding woman in there. This is a very different outcome to that thread.

BMW6 · 09/10/2019 12:38

OP I am 61.
I needed the loo a few days ago and went into the first cubical in the public toilets.
It was only when I finished that I noticed the baby changing area - hadn't looked for or spotted a sign on the open door, didn't notice the nappy changing area.
This was not in France so it wasn't me who inconvenienced you, but I can assure you that I have no "fetish" - I just needed a wee.

HTH

Sockwomble · 09/10/2019 12:39

She may have had medical needs that required privacy or washing facilities but didn't require a toilet.
We use either of the baby changing or disabled to change ds depending upon which looks cleaner and has the bigger floor space to accomodate a teenager and 2 adults - obviously not why she was using it but another reason why there may not be a young child in there. And we can take a while.

BMW6 · 09/10/2019 12:40

I don’t know why she gave you the look though, that is odd.

Maybe the OP gave her the hard stare first without realising it.......

BrokenWing · 09/10/2019 12:51

Were you taking to your dd while you were waiting "I know it is not nice, there is someone in there, wont be long now I hope?" etc

Probably why she gave you the stare, might have been trying to do something quietly/discreetly herself in there and you were mithering right outside the door giving her no privacy?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 12:55

She's French.

Personal entitlement is wired into their DNA,

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