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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In-laws called me ugly

409 replies

Zetty22 · 08/10/2019 23:49

I’ve been married for several years now with two children, we get on fairly well and have a good home routine. My in-laws have never accepted me from day one, I have always been polite and friendly towards them, but they’ve always pushed me away.

I have four sister in laws, I’ve tried to befriend them over the years but it’s been unsuccessful. I’m always left out in family gatherings and made to feel like an outsider. When I’ve tried raising the subject to my MIL she makes me feel like it’s all in my head, then I think I might be going crazy. It’s never straightforward. It’s little bits of passive aggressiveness here and there, and if I call them out I get called crazy or confrontational.

Last week we went to visit them, they were playing an online game with my children. I tried to join in to make the effort for my children, they made a player avatar of me to look horrendous. Horrible jaw, bulging eyes and crazy hair, they laughed and said ugly like you. I just smiled as I didn’t want my children to see me upset, and I changed the subject so my children were distracted.

I cried on the way home, but my DH refused to believe me. He said his sisters would never do that, he thinks his lovely sisters can never do any wrong. He called me a crybaby and to grow up which made me feel even worse. I’m wondering is it because I’m ugly they don’t like me? They must call me ugly all the time behind my back. They are all very glamorous, they have done their lips, cheeks, Botox, etc. They look like the glam girls from Love Island and are obsessed with instagram.

I’m quite plain in how I dress, and look. I’m low on money so I don’t have the resources to look all dressed up. My DH has never supported me, and I think if it weren’t for kids I’d have left him by now. Also he’s a good dad and we do get on at home, it’s just his family issue that makes me want to run away. Especially as on Christmas he says it’s about family and he takes the kids over there. I’m not invited, and I stay home alone. That’s a separate issue as I thought having a DH and kids meant I’d never have to spend special occasions alone.

My SILs are 34, 28, 24 and 19, I’m 33 years old. I feel anything I do or say is mocked, for example il ask them if they’ve seen a recent film to make conversation. They would all laugh and insult me. Typical example, I asked them if they’ve seen the crown on Netflix, they laughed and said we aren’t 90 years old like you. Then I feel pretty stupid afterwards, am I being a crybaby? I feel if I go NC with them my children will suffer, they are brilliant with the kids and they love them. If I stop everything my kids would be unhappy and maybe resent me.

I have no family or friends, so his family are the only relatives my kids have.

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 13/10/2022 01:03

It does sound like you are so beaten down by your own family background that you accepted this toxic family situation. Your kids don’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself enough to stand up to these bullies and get what you deserve. Move away closer to your friends, apply for assistance and get away from them all.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 13/10/2022 01:11

This is heartbreaking. If you do leave your husband please don’t worry that your children will prefer him, he will have to step up and parent too. You can’t be the fun parent all the time on your own. Good luck OP

XelaM · 13/10/2022 01:25

OP my uncle (my mum's brother) who was always the apple of my grandmother's eye married someone who my whole family thought was utterly beneath him. He was an outstanding athlete who went to med school and became a very successful doctor and had any number of options, but suddenly eloped with a young woman from a remote village whom he met on holiday. 30 years of marriage and 4 (now grown) kids later and she has never ever been accepted as part of the family. She's never been invited to family events or Christmas celebrations (my uncle usually came alone or with the kids). My family always thought it was totally justified and that's the way it had to be, but I always wondered how she accepted always being considered "not suitable" and what a horrible life it must have been for her. Not sure my uncle was worth it.

It's up to you whether you accept this utterly unacceptable situation for the rest of your life because his family won't change.

Dexionmagic · 13/10/2022 01:27

Not sure why this thread has bubbled to the surface after 3 years.

But as its here how are you OP? How are things between you, your husband, SILs etc?

Thanks.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 13/10/2022 01:27

My very first LTB.

Wetblanket78 · 13/10/2022 01:37

Wetblanket78 · 13/10/2022 01:02

So your sister in laws are fake, your husband prefersyouas you are. I would drop a comment something like botox in your face looks painful as they always look quite stiff faced to me.

Almost like they have a mask on. Play them at they're own game and do avatars of them. Totally false they haven't worked for the body or face they have.

I ment to say your husband loves you the way you are. He chose to marry you for a reason.

MingeofDeath · 13/10/2022 02:08

This is one of the saddest things I have ever read on MN. I wish you all the best OP xxx

Trumpton · 13/10/2022 02:18

This thread is 3 years old, I hope the op is happier and in a better place now.

MrsLiu1981 · 13/10/2022 02:51

FoodWoes · 08/10/2019 23:55

They sound like bitches. Ugly inside and out.

And your Husband is a twat.

Flowers

This! 👌

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 13/10/2022 03:27

I think your biggest problem is that you have a partner who is happy to LEAVE YOU ON YOUR OWN ON CHRISTMAS DAY. What the hell?! I wouldn't put up with that in a million years. What do your children think about not spending Christmas day with their own mother? They will start to notice how they treat you. You in laws sound like awful people. I would not put up with any of this.

AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut · 13/10/2022 03:52

Fuck me. What a bunch of insufferable pricks.

They all sound ugly. You sound lovely. Please stop allowing them to treat you this way.

AndTwoFilmsByFrancoisTruffaut · 13/10/2022 03:54

Bloody Zombie thread 🙄

hope the OP fucked them all
off including her useless husband

JennyJenny8675309 · 13/10/2022 04:15

An old thread, but the story is familiar. So many shit marriages—far better to be single than put up with the BS on these threads.

KatherineJaneway · 13/10/2022 04:25

Zombie

Zombie

Zombie

Zombie

Zombie

onlythreenow · 13/10/2022 05:45

Your DH's family are ignorant and horrible - and tbh your DH sounds just as bad. You don't have to put up with treatment like that. For a start I would be keeping well away from his toxic family, and put your foot down over Christmas - the kids belong to both of you, not just him. As for being "ugly" - you're not the one going to extreme lengths with the beauty treatments! I'm no longer with my DH, but I had a big argument with his mother, which resulted in the rest of his family not speaking to us for years - but he took my side, not his family's, which is the way it should be. Honestly OP, I would really look at leaving your prick of a husband - what do you actually get out of this relationship? Whatever happens, keep well away from the in-laws, and honestly, who cares what they say or think, they are a pack of bitches. Good luck. Flowers

onlythreenow · 13/10/2022 05:46

Oh no - not again!!! When will I ever learn to read the date at the top of the thread???

Misspacorabanne · 13/10/2022 06:47

I hope you managed to break free of him op! You deserve so much more!!!!

Schnooze · 13/10/2022 06:52

I hope you eventually left him op.

Disabrie22 · 13/10/2022 06:57

Your husband takes your kids on Xmas day? Why are you putting up with all this emotional abuse? Your children will see this.
Leave him please - he’ll still do all the things he does except you’ll get Xmas on and off with your children.
I would never put up with this and neither should you - your husband is being appalling not standing up for you.

Zone2NorthLondon · 13/10/2022 06:59

Your husband and his family are boorish overbearing bullies. Run,run away,very fast
He purposefully leaves you alone xmas day,despite knowing you want to participate in family event
Undermines your parenting to weaponise his own children agsinst their own mother
Frankly it’s too far gone. Leave him . Save yourself and your children

tempester28 · 13/10/2022 06:59

You need to stand up for yourself here. It is totally unacceptable to not have Christmas lunch with your family. Tell him now ahead of this Christmas that you want to spend Christmas lunch with your children and that he can take them to see his family in the morning but that he must come back for lunch.

Taillighttoobright · 13/10/2022 07:20

Zombie thread, but would be nice to know the outcome.

Jaxinthebox · 13/10/2022 07:28

I think you should contact Womens aid, and prepare to leave your husband. So much of what you say about him rings alarm bells with me.

Im so sorry, but this is not healthy for you or your children.

Jaxinthebox · 13/10/2022 07:29

ah FFS, sorry zombie thread.

User38899953 · 13/10/2022 07:43

Zombie 🧟‍♀️

I remember this thread the first time. I hope OP finally left and is living happily.