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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In-laws called me ugly

409 replies

Zetty22 · 08/10/2019 23:49

I’ve been married for several years now with two children, we get on fairly well and have a good home routine. My in-laws have never accepted me from day one, I have always been polite and friendly towards them, but they’ve always pushed me away.

I have four sister in laws, I’ve tried to befriend them over the years but it’s been unsuccessful. I’m always left out in family gatherings and made to feel like an outsider. When I’ve tried raising the subject to my MIL she makes me feel like it’s all in my head, then I think I might be going crazy. It’s never straightforward. It’s little bits of passive aggressiveness here and there, and if I call them out I get called crazy or confrontational.

Last week we went to visit them, they were playing an online game with my children. I tried to join in to make the effort for my children, they made a player avatar of me to look horrendous. Horrible jaw, bulging eyes and crazy hair, they laughed and said ugly like you. I just smiled as I didn’t want my children to see me upset, and I changed the subject so my children were distracted.

I cried on the way home, but my DH refused to believe me. He said his sisters would never do that, he thinks his lovely sisters can never do any wrong. He called me a crybaby and to grow up which made me feel even worse. I’m wondering is it because I’m ugly they don’t like me? They must call me ugly all the time behind my back. They are all very glamorous, they have done their lips, cheeks, Botox, etc. They look like the glam girls from Love Island and are obsessed with instagram.

I’m quite plain in how I dress, and look. I’m low on money so I don’t have the resources to look all dressed up. My DH has never supported me, and I think if it weren’t for kids I’d have left him by now. Also he’s a good dad and we do get on at home, it’s just his family issue that makes me want to run away. Especially as on Christmas he says it’s about family and he takes the kids over there. I’m not invited, and I stay home alone. That’s a separate issue as I thought having a DH and kids meant I’d never have to spend special occasions alone.

My SILs are 34, 28, 24 and 19, I’m 33 years old. I feel anything I do or say is mocked, for example il ask them if they’ve seen a recent film to make conversation. They would all laugh and insult me. Typical example, I asked them if they’ve seen the crown on Netflix, they laughed and said we aren’t 90 years old like you. Then I feel pretty stupid afterwards, am I being a crybaby? I feel if I go NC with them my children will suffer, they are brilliant with the kids and they love them. If I stop everything my kids would be unhappy and maybe resent me.

I have no family or friends, so his family are the only relatives my kids have.

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 12/10/2022 21:58

Oh fuck, I was hoping for a positive update from the OP 😞

TwoWrightFeet · 12/10/2022 22:13

get Your kids out of that toxic environment. Take them, leave your husband and never see your in laws again. You will be much happier.

keeprunning55 · 12/10/2022 22:24

This is awful. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. Your self esteem must be incredibly low with this level of abuse and bullying. Your dc love you-of course they do and not less than their dad.
Please know you’re everything to them and show them how you should be treated. Know your worth for yours and your dc’s sake.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 12/10/2022 22:32

Oh my gosh, this is all horrendous, but your husband takes your children away from you on Christmas? That would break my heart, I just couldn’t be with someone like that.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 12/10/2022 22:32

Oh FFS a 50 year old thread

PickAnyName · 12/10/2022 22:43

FFS, LTB! He is not a good husband and he is not a good father. If he were, he'd be putting you first and not letting your children be taken to a house where you are insulted and ignored - he would stand up for you. Those SILs sound as genuine as Rylan's teeth. So they've all had botox? That's to hide the nasty expressions on their faces that their spiteful nature will have given them. Get legal advice. You are being abused mentally, psychologically. I don't see why you should have to live with that prize sh1t a moment longer, or tolerate the abuse from his ghastly family.

StarDolphins · 12/10/2022 22:52

Tell your OH he can take the children for 1 hour on xmas day & if he wants to stay longer that’s fine but the children are being with you.

Also, cut contact with his horrible, bitchy family & live your life away from them. Say your children can go but only with their Dad.

then finally, tell your Husband that if he calls you a crybaby again & doesn’t start being more supportive, he’s getting the chop too.

you sound lovely, why should you be putting up with these horrible people.

MysteryBelle · 12/10/2022 23:01

You’re not invited to Christmas?? Calling you ugly, and your husband goes along with all this and calls you a crybaby? The in-laws are horrible. If they don’t love and accept you (for mean reasons) then they don’t love your children and they should never be allowed to see your children again. Take control of the situation. I would be telling my husband what the rules are from now on. I would stay married for now because that will give you much more control. I’d be tough as nails. There is no excuse for tolerating another second of these little asses.

Blackcatsarethebest · 12/10/2022 23:01

They’re the mean girl bitches and your husband is an unsupportive, horrible twat. You deserve so much better

LDN1 · 12/10/2022 23:06

YAMBU.

Sometimes, you need to find that fight and be empowered. Just say to your DH, if he doesn't start sticking up for you it's over. You deserve respect and you will not tolerate any disrespect. Especially not in front of your children. just say that enough is enough.

Pinkishpurple · 12/10/2022 23:07

They are all abusive towards you. Please contact Womens Aid.

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 12/10/2022 23:17

FoodWoes · 08/10/2019 23:56

He leaves you alone in Christmas??

Oh, you HAVE to leave. You deserve happiness. You sound so sad :(

To be fair if they were my in-laws I'd sooner stay at home on my own doing what I wanted than be with them- or OP's husband.

Suzi888 · 12/10/2022 23:18

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 12/10/2022 23:17

To be fair if they were my in-laws I'd sooner stay at home on my own doing what I wanted than be with them- or OP's husband.

This thread is dated 2019.

Nanalisa60 · 12/10/2022 23:20

Leave you on your on a Christmas!! WTF your husband says Christmas is all about family, your are his family, really can’t believe you are left at home on your own , if nothing else it’s bloody rude and very unkind.

furrytampon · 12/10/2022 23:22

Uglykidjoe · 12/10/2022 19:46

Oh I'm so sad reading this , but I have 3 sister in laws and had the similar experience you had, not quite as bad but not good. Be strong tell your husband you're not putting up with it any more and make some friends join groups like badminton or book clubs in your area or college course then it will boost your confidence make yourself your own life. And try save some money incase you do leave.

ok but why did you ignore the red warning at the bottom of the page advising you not to revive a 3 year old thread?

elephantseal · 12/10/2022 23:27

Your h is an absolute bastard. He and his fucking awful family bully you. I'm so sorry. You don't deserve that. 💐

Quackpot · 12/10/2022 23:29

Aveisenim · 09/10/2019 00:15

LTB. Abuse doesn't have to be physical.

www.womensaid.org.uk/ Call them.

This

Quackpot · 12/10/2022 23:30

Just noticed the date, hope things are better @Zetty22

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 12/10/2022 23:34

Suzi888 · 12/10/2022 23:18

This thread is dated 2019.

Any particular reason you felt the need to single me out rather than the person who resurrected it or all the posts before mine ?

Ofcourseshecan · 12/10/2022 23:49

on Christmas he says it’s about family and he takes the kids over there. I’m not invited, and I stay home alone.

The family sound horrible, but that is beyond belief! Can you find a fun place to take DC to this Christmas? Perhaps visiting a good friend who would like to share Christmas with you? And Iknow it’s hard to change something that’s become entrenched, but you must put your foot down with your husband. No more visits where you are insulted or not invited.

LearnerCook · 12/10/2022 23:59

I hope the OP is happy now and doing well.

FattyAirways · 13/10/2022 00:11

Zetty22 · 09/10/2019 00:10

My family are dysfunctional, and scattered all over the place. My mother wasn’t really a mother to me, and still isn’t. She only wants to know if she needs money, so I’ve stopped contact with her. No one is interested in my children so I don’t bother trying to make amends.

Sorry I do have a few friends but they live miles away. I moved to the other side of the country after I got married years ago, it’s been hard to regularly visit. I’m friendly with a few mums at my children’s school, but I don’t consider them as friends as we don’t talk outside of the school.

I kicked up a fuss over Christmas and I said I hate being alone. So now they open their gifts in the morning with me, but they head off around 1pm. My children love their father more, so they are eager to go with him and I don’t want to dampen their spirits by making them stay. I’m the bad cop as I say no to sweets, make them do their daily chores, no screen time. He comes home and starts being the good guy giving them treats and playing with them. I feel I need to give them structure and routine even if they dislike me for it. No screen time on weekdays, and their dad gives them the iPad. So they lean towards their father more.

I can’t mske my in-laws like me, I’ve tried so hard I feel really miserable now. I’m so emotionally tired after all these years.

OP, you deserve so much better than this!

Your children don't love him more, I can guarantee. They just appear to like him more because you're doing an absolutely brilliant job of parenting them and putting boundaries in place, etc, while he just gets to do the best bits of being a dad.

Would you be happier separated from him? If the answer is yes, then I know it sounds like a mountainous job leaving someone, but you can do it and you would be so much better off without him! xxx

FattyAirways · 13/10/2022 00:12

Oh, it's a zombie thread! I hope OP found the strength to find happiness for herself.

BlippiIsAnnoying · 13/10/2022 00:46

This is heartbreaking to read op. I hope you find the strength to not let these bastards grind you down anymore.

Wetblanket78 · 13/10/2022 01:02

So your sister in laws are fake, your husband prefersyouas you are. I would drop a comment something like botox in your face looks painful as they always look quite stiff faced to me.

Almost like they have a mask on. Play them at they're own game and do avatars of them. Totally false they haven't worked for the body or face they have.