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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby changing/feeding room - was I in the wrong?

151 replies

sophiekitten92 · 08/10/2019 15:46

Today I took my four week old baby out into town for the first time on my own. After a couple of hours, she woke up needing a free, so at 11:51 I popped into the ‘family room’ in Debenhams (a room with baby changing, little toilets and a chair for nursing).

I was breastfeeding my daughter when somebody tries to open the locked door, and then spent the next 5 minutes making loud, passive-aggressive comments - “ugh when will it be our turn”, “some people just take too long in the baby room!” and finally repeatedly trying to open the door to prove a point, even though I was obviously still there. I left the room at 12:00.

Am I the only one who thinks this women was totally rude?!

OP posts:
ethelfleda · 08/10/2019 15:47

YANBU
She was rude.
You were in there first, using the room for one of its intended purposes. She should have gone elsewhere.

Tractorgirlz · 08/10/2019 15:50

Yes she was incredibly rude and she’d have a shock saying it to me because I would have answered her back.

Original poster
sophiekitten92 · 08/10/2019 15:51

*needing a feed (not free!)

OP posts:
53rdWay · 08/10/2019 15:52

How big is it? If there’s enough room for someone to change a baby while someone else feeds then I wouldn’t have locked the door, but if it was a tiny cubicle then fair enough.

She was still out of line in loudly passive-aggressively huffing outside the door though.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 08/10/2019 15:52

It’s a tricky one. Breastfeeding can take such a long time and when there’s a small child needing the toilet I would just have allowed them in. I was never bothered about privacy when BF.

GinDaddy · 08/10/2019 15:53

YANBU what is wrong with some people....she should have gone elsewhere

cockcrowfarm · 08/10/2019 15:53

I'm also a new mum so not sure the etiquette myself but I would have been annoyed too. Couldn't you let her in? Or at least check what she needed? I've gone in when another women was there and didnt think anything of it, i wouldn't mind if someone came in on me. We are all in the same situation.... maybe i was the rude one Confused

Seeline · 08/10/2019 15:55

I think if there is more than one toilet in the room, it is not really meant for sole occupancy, so wouldn't have locked the door for feeding.

That said, the other woman was being rude. Perhaps she had a toddler desperate to use one of the little toilets though.

Mintypea5 · 08/10/2019 15:56

Was ten breast feeding are separated off in a some way like a screen or door?

cockcrowfarm · 08/10/2019 15:56

Batterong door etc though definitely out of order

Vampyress · 08/10/2019 15:57

Is it really so hard for someone to knock and politely say, I am really sorry but my baby has just done a poonami of epic proportions, do you think you're going to be much longer? WTF is happening to society in this day in age that we all have to get so angry when courtesy would suffice, at least then the OP could have made an evaluated choice to let the other parent in whilst she finished feeding and who knows maybe made a friend in the trenches. Wishful thinking though Hmm

Soontobe60 · 08/10/2019 15:58

Did you speak to them to tell them you're feeding the baby? Imagine if you were the one in the other side of the door, waiting to change your baby who may have been crying. What would you have done?

Fink · 08/10/2019 15:59

I think it's weird to have a locked room in the first place, unless it's maybe for the older kids using the toilet (is it a proper toilet, like for toddlers to use?). I wouldn't expect anyone feeding or changing a baby to lock the door. But since there's a lock on the door YWNBU to use it, and YWNBU to be annoyed at someone repeatedly door rattling when there's clearly someone in there.

In the future though I wouldn't lock the door. Feeding a baby could take 30, possibly even 45 minutes, it would be unreasonable, IMO, to take the entire baby changing, children's toilet, and feeding area for more than 10 minutes ... unless you're dealing with a poo explosion or other absolute disaster.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 08/10/2019 15:59

If it's the only changing table in the shop then yabu to use the space exclusively for more than 5mins. You can bf anywhere. You can't change shitty nappies anywhere.

callmeadoctor · 08/10/2019 15:59

I thought they were meant to be shared?

HoneyBee03 · 08/10/2019 16:00

Hmm, I see where you're coming from but I'd be really frustrated at having to wait 10 minutes to change my child's nappy and wouldn't have thought to use a family room to feed. I would always find a cafe or another quiet spot to breastfeed rather than locking myself in the baby changing room, maybe this is an option next time? Or possibly leave the door unlocked so if another parent is desperate to get in they can come in to change a nappy. These parent and baby facilities are never very practical.

Original poster
sophiekitten92 · 08/10/2019 16:00

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the responses. It was probably big enough in hindsight to let another person in, but I didn’t think of leaving the door unlocked - my main priority was nursing my screaming child in peace after searching for a suitable place to feed for 15 mins in the rain. My daughter was still crying a lot when the woman was huffing etc outside, so I was focusing on settling her down above all else.

The other child was a sleeping baby I found out, once I left the room (I never heard them crying or anything, all I could hear was the woman outside!)

OP posts:
Coffeeonthesofa · 08/10/2019 16:00

9 mins is a long time to wait if a child has had an explosive nappy that needs changing or if there is a wee one needing a toilet, they can’t always hang on long enough to wait or make it to another toilet.
If the room was big enough to have all that in it I do think you were unreasonable to just lock it, it’s not a single use room. Enjoy the comfy chair for feeding but don’t lock the door there is room for everyone.

Edthebear · 08/10/2019 16:01

I don't think you were in the wrong. But you don't know why the other person was so desperate. Her LO could have had a poo'y bum. With the next nearest change station a distance away, she might already have spent time getting to that one.

TequilaPilates · 08/10/2019 16:02

You say the family room has toilets (plural) so more than 1 then? Are you meant to lock the door so that you have sole occupancy?

It's just the description sounds like it's meant to be used by more than 1 person at a time.

tumbleisatwat · 08/10/2019 16:03

Nah, you weren't in the room.

You're right in the trenches at the moment- breastfeeding your first newborn.

The other woman was being rude. What on Earth was the urgency with a sleeping baby?

Majorcollywobble · 08/10/2019 16:06

She was totally rude. Hope it didn’t spoil baby’s feed .

StroppyWoman · 08/10/2019 16:07

YABU to lock the door in the first place. Those rooms are not single occupancy, they are family-friendly facilities.

Next time just take a seat the the café, so you can have a cuppa while you feed your baby. Much nicer environment.

my2bundles · 08/10/2019 16:07

That kind of room is designed to be a shared space. I know you had looked for somewhere in the rain but so has everyone else. To feed a 4 week old I would have sat in a cafe, you carnt do that with a poonarmi or a 3 year old desperate for a wee.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 08/10/2019 16:09

10 minutes could easily be the time needed to change a child after an explosive nappy. But it's not the best place for feeding if it means no one else can use the room. She however was rude.

8t gets easier. You'll learn the best places for feeding, changing etc.

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