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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby changing/feeding room - was I in the wrong?

151 replies

sophiekitten92 · 08/10/2019 15:46

Today I took my four week old baby out into town for the first time on my own. After a couple of hours, she woke up needing a free, so at 11:51 I popped into the ‘family room’ in Debenhams (a room with baby changing, little toilets and a chair for nursing).

I was breastfeeding my daughter when somebody tries to open the locked door, and then spent the next 5 minutes making loud, passive-aggressive comments - “ugh when will it be our turn”, “some people just take too long in the baby room!” and finally repeatedly trying to open the door to prove a point, even though I was obviously still there. I left the room at 12:00.

Am I the only one who thinks this women was totally rude?!

OP posts:

DappledThings · 08/10/2019 22:05

I am a confident breastfeeder but I'm not sure I could wander into a busy city centre Starbucks, take up a table for 30 minutes and leave again without buying a drink

Oh I could. I don't think anyone really notices in those big chains. But then I treat chains as fair game in general and have no issue using the toilet in Costa and waltzing out again.

DeathStare · 08/10/2019 22:14

TumblingTumbleWeed how do you know she wasn't disabled? Not everyone who is disabled looks disabled. And nurses can be disabled too.

LipstickTaserrr · 08/10/2019 22:21

It really depends on the set up of the room. My local super market has the baby changing room with a chair and one random toilet in the corner all open.
We find it useful as we can do a feed, a nappy change and myself and DD5 use the toilet as well.

I definitely lock the door for that one but I am conscious of any one waiting outside, there is a baby change pull down on the wall on the disabled toilet but then I'd worry I'm taking that room when it's needed!

JocastaJones · 08/10/2019 22:26

There's no need to take a baby out shopping for the day though is there? Online exists. It's an adult leisure activity. Save it for when you're having adult time. Then no worries about feeding, changing or cafes.

Fluffsmum · 08/10/2019 22:33

Honestly, it would never have occurred to me to lock a baby room but I don't use them to feed in. I'd have used one of the dozen places to sit you probably passed trying to find it!

Some people are just rude though!

hammeringinmyhead · 08/10/2019 22:51

If I hadn't gone out for a few hours with the baby in the six months he was EBF I would have become severely depressed. Or should we all leave the house and arrive back home exactly 60 minutes later until they start solids?

flumposie · 08/10/2019 22:56

Yabu. Sounds like it's a room for multiple occupancy .

AthollPlace · 08/10/2019 22:58

YANBU to lock the door while you were using the facilities. It sucks if there’s only one but you’re within your rights to use it.

YABU to feed your baby in a changing room. They stink of shit and aren’t nice to sit in never mind eat in. Scope out the places that have separate feeding rooms, if necessary sit in a quiet corner of the cafe.

Potnoodledoo · 08/10/2019 22:59

@JocastaJones seriously could be just as easily to get out of the house.

Migrainefun · 08/10/2019 23:02

Yabu to lock the door, they're not usually for single occupancy. You need to learn to feed in public, cover up if you want.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 08/10/2019 23:09

Yanbu. She was rude. Breastfeeding should be done in whatever way you feel comfortable. If this means out of view so be it.
I have very large breasts and my babies head completely was completely dwarfed by my bazingos so it was impossible to cover up when feeding.

If it’s not meant to be used privately why is there a lock on the door. Or is it like a club with a special knock where once other parents entered it’s locked behind them?!

Letthemysterybe · 08/10/2019 23:10

There is a room like that in my local Debenhams. I think of it as a family toilet and baby changing space rather than a feeding space. So sorry but I think you were being unreasonable to hog that space for so
Long. If it is like my local shop, then there are no other changing areas , and the normal loo cubicles don’t fit pushchairs/prams.

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 08/10/2019 23:13

I don’t think you were unreasonable at all op. The other lady was very rude.
Having a tiny baby can be tricky & hearing them cry can be stressful. I really struggled with feeding in public when my little one was tiny (combined issues of large breasts & baby finding latching tricky) so always looked for a private space, I hated feeding in changing rooms because I wouldn’t eat my lunch in a toilet, but sometimes they were the only obvious choices.
I’ve since found that a comfy chair in a cafe & using a scarf/cardi or cushion if they have them make it easier and comfier for me and can be done discreetly- but also my little one now is easier to hold & latches on instantly!
Oh, and my baby would feed for 30mins minimum so you did well to limit to 10mins!!
Please don’t spend too long worrying about this- parenting is hard & you only learn ways to make things easier as you do them. (And some people are not as nice as they could be!)

SusieSusieSoo · 08/10/2019 23:15

We have a similar room in the local Debenhams with a lock on the outside. You were defo right to lock it & feed your baby. I wouldn't have wanted to let anyone else in either. There are other shops with baby change facilities and shopping centres too. What a horrible thing to do to a new mum. At that age my ds would've been feeding for an hour! x

TheGoogleMum · 08/10/2019 23:18

Oh it's tricky because 5 minutes can be a long wait if baby has done a massive poo. Maybe the mother was desperate for the toilet herself and that's why she was stressed? I find you can't fit a pram or stroller in a cubicle with you and it feels wrong to go in a cubicle and leave a baby out in a public toilet so if there's no toilet in baby change room (or it's in use for a long feeding session) you are a bit stuffed! She was rude though

TheSunAlsoRises · 09/10/2019 05:30

@sophiekitten92

YWNBU

The door is there to be locked and I would have done the same. These places are not usually big rooms but just have enough space to put the pushchair and deal with the baby. I have never been in one that could fit 2 babies/ children with a parent and a pushchair. It's frustrating when its in use but that's life sometimes.

Durgasarrow · 09/10/2019 05:46

I think you probably not have locked it. But I think Jocasta is unreasonable to think you should stay home.

Original poster

sophiekitten92 · 09/10/2019 06:45

@JocastaJones I was in town for literally 2 hours because I was going crazy being inside and wanted a change of scenery. It wasn’t raining when I left the house!

Also - to everyone saying I need to practice breastfeeding in public - I am trying to work up my confidence with this. I have large beasts (cup size GG) and when I have tried this in public - with my husband with me in a cafe - I have already experienced stares from males, tuts and even a couple huffing as soon as I whipped the boob out to feed and then moving away and shaking their heads. This whole thing is so hard but I’m trying! Hopefully I will get there, but balancing my own sanity with breastfeeding amongst everything else is hard.

OP posts:

MaryPopppins · 09/10/2019 07:14

@raspberryk

"Yabu to lock the door, you could have sat on any seat/bench/cafe or left the door unlocked. You could even have used a clothes changing room if you felt the need to have privacy."

Oh do fuck off.

Did you see the part where OP says her baby is 4 weeks old and it was her first time out alone with the baby?

I'm a huge BF advocate, fed everywhere and anywhere.

But at 4 weeks with my first I was 100% in the "need a room to feed in" camp. And you're being a dick not realising that new mums might not feel able to sit "on any seat/bench/cafe"

tumbleisatwat · 09/10/2019 07:17

Feeding in public is hard at first.

Just remember that you're right and the tutters and eye rollers are wrong. They're not just wrong they're utter cunts.

Breastfeeding in public is also protecting in law.

The needs of your baby come first - fuck the opinions of self appointed bigots. Feed your baby how you want

Countryescape · 09/10/2019 07:33

You were unreasonable OP. In future don’t be so precious

M0reGinPlease · 09/10/2019 07:36

That's quite unnecessarily nasty, @Countryescape

BarbaraStrozzi · 09/10/2019 07:38

Don't worry OP. I once had a similar-ish scenario - someone knocked on the door. I had to explain I was struggling with a blocked duct and therefore had to expose rather more than I could have done sitting in the cafe, and the other woman was (fortunately) fine about it.

The woman banging on the door was being unreasonable. People have all sorts of reasons why they may need a bit of privacy. (Possibly her included - but this sort of facility is first come first served).

iano · 09/10/2019 07:40

I hope you can build up some confidence op. Is there a local bf cafe you could go to?Feeding your baby amongst other new mum's might just help you feel more normal about it. They may also have tips on how to cover up if you prefer that.
I do think ywbu for locking the room but you know that now. All the best! You'll be fine!

M0reGinPlease · 09/10/2019 07:42

and when I have tried this in public - with my husband with me in a cafe - I have already experienced stares from males, tuts and even a couple huffing as soon as I whipped the boob out to feed and then moving away and shaking their heads.

Im so sorry you've experienced that OP. Just remember, you're 100% (legally!) in the right and they're the ones being weird and rude. In time your confidence will come. Lots of places display 'we're breastfeeding friendly' signs in the window and whilst you absolutely can feed your baby anywhere, looking out for these places to start with might help boost your confidence. Also, BF gets soooo much easier, you're only four weeks in. At that stage I think I was still using two pillows and a load of muslins but a few months in and I could feed confidently anywhere and everywhere.

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