Baby changing/feeding room - was I in the wrong?

[sophiekitten92]

Today I took my four week old baby out into town for the first time on my own. After a couple of hours, she woke up needing a free, so at 11:51 I popped into the ‘family room’ in Debenhams (a room with baby changing, little toilets and a chair for nursing).

I was breastfeeding my daughter when somebody tries to open the locked door, and then spent the next 5 minutes making loud, passive-aggressive comments - “ugh when will it be our turn”, “some people just take too long in the baby room!” and finally repeatedly trying to open the door to prove a point, even though I was obviously still there. I left the room at 12:00.

Am I the only one who thinks this women was totally rude?!

That was supposed to say use the room, posted too quick

Sorry but I think yabu. The primary purpose for those rooms is a changing facility so if I came across one with a locked door I would assume someone would be in and out within 5 mins max, so I'd be annoyed too if someone was in there 10 minutes and they were just breastfeeding.

As a pp said you can breastfeed in a cafe or on any seat, I don't think you can expect to lock yourself into a public room (unless that is its only use or you know there's several other changing facilities in the same place).

Next time I think you have to be kitted out fir breastfeeding in public in a cafe, so bring a big muslin you can cover up with or whatever makes you feel more comfortable doing it.

If you want to use that room again for feeding then fine, but keep the door unlocked so people can also change in there.

With these things it all depends on what the setup is. In Sainsbury's near me it is a large room with a changing table, chair and adult toilet cubicle. The room locks and the cubicle does too, but I wouldn't go into the toilet and leave DS outside in his pushchair without also locking the room door.

My main annoyance is how many places combine baby changing and disabled toilets. I have spent ages changing a massive newborn blowout paranoid someone is waiting outside who can't stand for long or has bowel issues for example.

We have a similar type of toilet on my local Debenhams - it is massive with a toilet, kids toilet, baby change and sinks. There are no partitions from the toilet, so if your little one needs a www, you have to lock the door. I would only lock the door if/when one of us is doing a wee. At other times, might leave door unlocked, especially when BF, as it takes a while and other mum's might need to come in to change nappies or for a toddler potty emergency!

I know it's horrible, but if you want complete privacy when breast feeding, you might need to lock yourself in a toilet cubicle. Otherwise you need to share the space.

By the way - congratulations on your new baby :) !!! Enjoy the wonderful journey ahead!!!

I think it’s hard with a new baby but other people will need the toilet and for many reasons I think the cafe is a nicer place to sit and feed the baby for 10-15 mins, not least because you can have a cup of tea too. 10 mins when you’re desperate for the loo (or your child is) is a very long time.

YABU to occupy and lock a room to do something you can do anywhere to stop someone needing to change a nappy which can't be done anywhere.

I'd be more angry that people STILL put feeding facilities in the same room as toilets! They shpuld be totally separate!

Sorry but you were being very unreasonable, it’s a shared space the lock is to be used when an older or disabled child needs to be changed it’s not so you can feed in peace. I understand it was o my 9 mins but the other lady couldn’t of known that, she was however incredibly rude and unreasonable herself in banging etc. Her child being asleep has no bearing on the situation, asleep or not the baby would still need changing especially if he/she was sitting in a poo they get sore so quickly.

I’ve been the mum stood there with a screaming baby and a toddler who’s wet himself as we’d been waiting so long to get in a locked toilet that was being used to feed in, it’s really frustrating and quite unfair to monopolise shared spaces like that.

Whilst it's great that they have these places, I've always found it a bit odd having shared changing and bf rooms- very different things. I guess you can feed sitting somewhere else, but they'd probably be frowned upon changing dirty nappies etc elsewhere. I still feel for you and hope it's not put you off feeding when out and about. My DS wasn't bothered about noise/ distractions when feeding, but i know some babies and mums prefer a quieter more private place.

I assume drug users using changing tables is largely an urban myth. There are nicer, cleaner surfaces.

And I will never understand people spending the price of a small car on a pram for an NT child.

Oh my goodness, she was rude indeed! I've waited for family rooms for longer than 10mins before & not had the cheek to pound the door in! Even people who walk out with no baby or child.

I had a double buggy with my baby & my 2 year old in it and my 4 year old was desperate for a wee on Sunday. The family room was locked for a while and I was so worried about her having an accident, I took her to the normal toilets with the buggy, which is a chunky thing, and took her there. I wouldn't dare rant and rave braying the door in! You don't know what they're dealing with in there.

Breastfeeding or not, you could have had an explosive nappy to change and full outfit change! That can take a while with a wriggly baby! But I do leave the door unlocked if I'm breastfeeding then it's up to them if they're comfortable to come in

hammeringinmyhead my local Sainburys has the same set up. TBH I do the same thing. But i don't really think those rooms are set up for more than one family. But even if you are changing a child and using the loo you aren't going to be that long.

FWIW I have used those rooms, probably once twice. Once in M&S because DS needed a change but then a feed. There was a seat so I just did it rather than carry a crying baby through M&S just for the shake of not occupying a room. I don’t mind feeding in public but then I feel obliged to buy a drink and he only feeds for a few mins.

I think it’s fine to feed in them, if they have a chair what else is it for? The one I used didn’t have a toilet but stunk of dirty nappies.

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the comments. Understanding a bit more about the etiquette of these things from the comments! For what it’s worth, there was a disabled/accessible toilet next to the room, as well as a large number of regular toilets too. No partitions in the family room so all one space

I think you’re getting a hard time. It’s hard starting out and everything feels hard to begin with. Feeding in cafes can feel like a step too far until you’re comfortable doing so discreetly.
You didn’t do anything wrong. She was rude. You’re entitled to calm and privacy.
Going forward, a lavatory isn’t the ideal space for feeding. In time the cafe will be much nicer and more comfortable but you are better off waiting until you’re confident.

My little baby boy exploded his nappy in a restaurant and was screaming, I waited 10 minutes outside the locked baby change which is a LONG TIME in baby screaming in front of people eating meals while he’s got shit all over him mode. The staff whipped me out back to the staff room and I sorted him out.
I’m in and out of the baby change as quickly as possible.
The real issue is why they only have combined baby change / nursing areas. It takes minutes to change a nappy / clothes whereas people shouldn’t be rushed to breastfeed.
There’s a great Next store near us which had two baby changes and a baby feeding area.

You shouldn't have locked the door. You weren't using the toilets or the changing area so others should have been able to use it. When your baby is a toddler and toilet training you might have the same reaction when someone locks the door!

Just a note to say you don't have to feed discreetly. I got so stressed by trying to be 'discreet' in the early days. I found it so much better to just whack the full boob out there and latch baby on. The main thing is your comfort and the baby's comfort.

When you've either discovered how to feed discreetly or discovered that you actually don't care about being discreet, you'll be much happier in a cafe than a family room, I reckon. Until then, choose your destinations wisely.

Also, I'd have locked the door too. No one wants to be stuck trying to feed a baby with someone else's toddler poo smell making them gag. It was nine minutes- not ages- and there were other facilities available. You did nothing wrong IMO.

YWNBU. The lock was there for a reason and you were within your rights to use it. The multiple loos are set up for people with 2 children of their own under 6, not for use by 2 children from different families at the same time. Who would even let their child go and use the loo right in front of strangers!? But having said that, if you're going to end up with someone battering down the door, I would find somewhere nicer to feed the baby. In my city john lewis's had a really private feeding room (with my first baby I was never confident enough to feed in public and when they get older sometimes you need to go somewhere quiet or else they never concentrate, always looking round to see what's going on). Don't make the people on here feel like you've committed some heinous crime of hogging the family loo.

You weren't in the wrong at all.

However, I always found those rooms really grim to feed in. Unless it's a totally separate feeding room, who wants to sit and feed a baby with a waft of pooey nappy smell?!

You are- by law- entitled to feed your baby wherever and whenever you need to, so do remember that and maybe try and build up a few places you feel happy and confident feeding.

Don't let today put you off. You're doing brilliantly.

I think the problem with suggesting cafés, while they are comfortable, is that the really tinies feed so often. Mine did anyway. A day out shopping would need 3 or 4 feeds and 3 or 4 coffees gets expensive!

I think the problem with suggesting cafés, while they are comfortable, is that the really tinies feed so often. Mine did anyway. A day out shopping would need 3 or 4 feeds and 3 or 4 coffees gets expensive!
You don't need to buy something every time. I've sat in cafes and fed then left again.

Also OP was in a department store. Those places are full of places to sit. They have display chairs and ones outside waiting rooms and ones near desks for making big orders. I have utilised 2 of those 3.

Right, but I assume she wasn't in Debenhams all day.

I am a confident breastfeeder but I'm not sure I could wander into a busy city centre Starbucks, take up a table for 30 minutes and leave again without buying a drink.

I fed everywhere,but i do understand not everyone feels comfortable doing that.Plus the op has said it was woman banging and she didnt hear a crying baby.

Its not like she was in there for hours. And she was there first.