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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby changing/feeding room - was I in the wrong?

151 replies

sophiekitten92 · 08/10/2019 15:46

Today I took my four week old baby out into town for the first time on my own. After a couple of hours, she woke up needing a free, so at 11:51 I popped into the ‘family room’ in Debenhams (a room with baby changing, little toilets and a chair for nursing).

I was breastfeeding my daughter when somebody tries to open the locked door, and then spent the next 5 minutes making loud, passive-aggressive comments - “ugh when will it be our turn”, “some people just take too long in the baby room!” and finally repeatedly trying to open the door to prove a point, even though I was obviously still there. I left the room at 12:00.

Am I the only one who thinks this women was totally rude?!

OP posts:
Minioooons · 08/10/2019 16:11

why did you lock the door? isnt it meant to be a shared space?

Grambler · 08/10/2019 16:11

Our nearest shopping centre have 3-4 "family" toilets - I can't remember what they've actually labelled them as - but they have a room with chair and changing station and then a toilet cubicle. There are locks on both the toilet and the main door. They are the only place in the centre where an adult with a pushchair can use the toilet - which is why you'd queue with a sleeping baby. They are also quite isolated so although if I were just feeding I might not have needed to lock the door, thus freeing up the changing table and/or toilet - I would have still locked the door.

Pandaintheporridge · 08/10/2019 16:14

9 minutes isn't long, but could feel that way while you wait. If there were "toilets" (plural) then should be a shared space, though I can see why you might want to feed alone.

NearlyGranny · 08/10/2019 16:14

Sounds like the department store got the design wrong to me! Why not have a parents' room with tiny toilets (and one big one), changing facilities and a partially screened area for bf mums so you're not exposed every time the door opens? You could suggest improvements, but they'll probably be closed before they get round to it.

Sockwomble · 08/10/2019 16:14

Those rooms aren't usually locked unless a child older than a toddler is being changed.

lily2403 · 08/10/2019 16:14

the baby change facilities in debenhams in my experience aren't single occupancy...i wouldn't have locked the door but i wouldn't have been rude either...i would have gone and asked a member of staff to help

Booboostwo · 08/10/2019 16:15

If it was a feeding only room then I don't think other people can hurry you along, feeding takes time, I remember mine feeding for 30-45 minutes at times.

If it was a shared feeding, changing and toilet then I think, sorry, but YABU. Other people need to use the room and, to be honest, I don't see why you need to be locked in if you are feeding. I appreciate the first few weeks are tough, it's difficult to find your feet and there was no reason for the woman to shout at you.

Amanduh · 08/10/2019 16:18

Those rooms are not designed to be breastfeeding rooms, this was addressed in the press fairly recently. They’re for changing/sorting out babies and children, not for sitting for what could be an extended 30/45 minute feed

C8H10N4O2 · 08/10/2019 16:18

little toilets

If more than one lavatory, each with its own surround then its not intended for single occupancy so locking the door was unreasonable.

However I'm not sure why there would be a loo door lock on the inside if its not intended for single use.

Doesn't make a lot of sense either way.

Minai · 08/10/2019 16:18

If it’s a shared space that can be used by more than one person at a time yabu. While the woman hammering at the door is rude I can see why she was annoyed if she also needed to feed or change a nappy and you’re taking the whole room and locked the door

Sockwomble · 08/10/2019 16:21

"However I'm not sure why there would be a loo door lock on the inside if its not intended for single use."

This would be needed for an older child who needs to be changed

Witchend · 08/10/2019 16:22

9 minutes isn't long for a feed, but it's a heck of a long time to wait (bear in mind that they also didn't know whether it was going to be 9 minutes or 29minutes too) with a child who needs changing or needs the toilet.

As a standard thing, if it's single use, then fine, lock it. If it isn't-ie space for more than one, then don't.

But really find somewhere nicer to feed. Don't be worried about comments; I fed all over the place and didn't have a single negative comment in 3 dc. Unless you count PC world who asked me to move from the office chair I was sitting in, and found me a nice private room while they plied me with drinks, biscuits and toys for dd1.
It's also a great way to make sure you get 4 seats round a table on a train all to yourself. Grin

Original poster
sophiekitten92 · 08/10/2019 16:22

Again - thanks for all the comments, will bear this in mind going forward. I was just in a really tough situation and trying to keep my cool. I just saw a lock and assumed r was ok to use it.

Also - I only intended to be there for 10 mins tops to keep my baby ok until we got home - I totally agree it would be U to spend 45 mins in a non-bf only room

OP posts:
Topseyt · 08/10/2019 16:26

It sounds as though this is your first baby so you are still feeling your way with this sort of thing.

She was rude, but it sounds as though it was a multi-purpose room so you probably shouldn't have locked the door. Other babies might have needed urgent nappy changes, or a small child might have been in urgent need or the toilets. You need to let them in, as the facilities are there for everyone.

ShinyGiratina · 08/10/2019 16:26

It depends on the set-up of the room. Some are only really set up for single users. If I was needing privacy while trying to establish feeding, you don't want to be within a couple of feet of a stranger changing a stinking nappy in an enclosed space.

The presence of the lock indicates that it can be closed off for sole use.

As inconvenient as it is, if a town is big enough for Debenhams, there will be more than one changing facility in town, and probably quicker to find than waiting 10+ minutes for another occupant to emerge.

It could easily be 10+ minutes to deal with the aftermath of DS's neck to knee poonamis, and cleaning up the surrounding area. I hated that it took so long to deal with and obstructing other users from the space (the good old accessible toilet/ baby changing combo Hmm) but the situation was due to DS's medical needs and needed attending to even if it did inconvenience others.

Rachelover60 · 08/10/2019 16:26

She was very rude indeed.

seasidequayside · 08/10/2019 16:28

YANBU If it was meant to be a shared space there wouldn't be a lock. Some women would be happy to sit and feed while while other people come in and out of the room, but others (especially when they are new to bf and learning) may prefer to have privacy. That's why shops like this offer private areas. Maybe the shop is BU in having a changing+feeding room. They could have put another changing table elsewhere.

raspberryk · 08/10/2019 16:29

Yabu to lock the door, you could have sat on any seat/bench/cafe or left the door unlocked. You could even have used a clothes changing room if you felt the need to have privacy.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 16:29

Yes she was incredibly rude and she’d have a shock saying it to me because I would have answered her back.

She was rude, but you could possibly have let her in if she had needed to change a baby.

I totally understand you locking the door, because sometimes men accompany their partners into those rooms, or indeed want to change a baby in there, and many women aren't comfortable publicly b/f-ing in a small space where you can't easily be discreet about how much boob you are showing.

I'd take Stroppywoman's advice - B/F in the cafe. It's easy to keep yourself private if you wear the right sort of clothing.

SarahAndQuack · 08/10/2019 16:31

Yep, sorry, I think you were rude to lock the door and not to at least say something to her. If I'd had a baby with a poo explosion I would have been pretty cross.

But it's not the end of the world and I think everyone does daft things in the early weeks because you're still adapting to having a baby and you're sleep deprived into the bargain.

360eyes · 08/10/2019 16:32

I would have been annoyed if I was in a rush. 10 minutes is quite a long time to wait if you quickly need to change a nappy and get on with something else. I don't think either of you were unreasonable, just a difficult situation.

I tend to breastfeed anywhere though. I wouldn't go in a toilet or changing room to breastfeed. The only time I have occupied a space was a changing room in Asda as there was literally nowhere to sit but the hard floor and I was uncomfortable down there after the birth! I just find a bench and tuck a scarf into the bra strap of the boob I'm feeding with so my boob isn't blatantly out.

In some ways I think it would be nice to have rooms for feeding, but then I think people should get used to seeing women breastfeeding all of the time, rather than expecting them to hide away in a room.

Namelessinseattle · 08/10/2019 16:33

A department store near me has this. 3 floors and. Basement and they put an armchair in the only place with a change table so there's always someone in it feeding. To be fair it's probably the only private space to feed in town but it's frustrating when you've to go from the cafe on the top floor to the basement to change a nappy and then wait.

Molly2017 · 08/10/2019 16:34

Reminds me of the time we were in a mothercare, we were potty training our DD and there was one shared toilet/baby change.
My DH had our DD who was desperate for a wee and opened the (unlocked) door with DD. There was a woman sat on the toilet, lid down, breastfeeding. She promptly shouted at him to get out.
He did and she then locked the door.
Still waiting 10mins later our DD wet herself.
She eventually came out and my DH said to her, my DD has wet herself waiting for you to get out. This woman shouted at him “I’m entitled to breastfeed where ever I please”.
It was an awful situation.
Next time I’d not lock the door or feed somewhere else.
At 4 weeks I had no idea if my DD was going to feed for 5 minutes or 50.

DC3dilemma · 08/10/2019 16:35

Hmm...not sure...

I use Debenhams with my baby regularly. There are two rooms:

Feeding room -2 seats for feeding, one behind a curtain, and a changing area. Door has a lock, but I never use it whatever I’m in for because it is clearly for multiple occupancy. 2 people could be feeding, 1 changing a nappy. It’s annoying when other people do. Also annoying when someone goes in to change a nappy and brings husband, grandparents etc so anyone going in to feed has a massive audience in a small space.

Family toilet -a small room with a changing table, sink, adult sized WC, child sized WC. All within touching distance. No privacy for anyone, clearly intended for one family who are comfortable being in arms reach of each other on the job! I always lock the door -it’s usually me using this loo because it’s the only one with room (just) for the buggy.

But either way @sophiekitten92 there was a lock and you chose to use it, person should have accepted that. Been there, done the having to change on the floor outside because the poonami was about to spill over. Not the fault of the person in the room, but rather our society which under caters for women and children.

OlderthenYoungerNow · 08/10/2019 16:35

I also get annoyed at breastfeeding in the only changing space for babies. It's a shit organisation of it because some people don't feel comfortable BFing outside and it's not particularly hygienic to start changing a nappy. I wish department stores would understand this and respond and I wish new mums never had to be embarrassed about feeding in public. It really is annoying to be stuck outside the room needing to change the nappy for half hour (I get you were 10 mins but not everyone is). I think it's rude to monopolise the shared space this way, I'm afraid to say!