To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

[WaxMeltHoarder]

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

@Pinkyyy what culture is that?

@QuestionableMouse Why does that make any difference?

I actually can't remember if anyone mentioned that DD had bought the cake herself, I sort of thought we had, because we were talking about the market and what we'd got, and she was telling MIL all about how it was the one that everyone was taking pictures of on social media, so I assumed the message was clear, but maybe not. Maybe FIL wanted it so he could pose on Snapchat with it or something

DD could have had a patisserie if she wanted, I didn't deny her any and tell her to buy her own cake, the cake queue was a mile long, I had the "we've plenty spent a fortune here, you don't need the cake" discussion, and she did the "pleaaase, I'll buy it myself" thing, so I let her.

It’s extraordinary the amount of disparagement a mumsnetter can transmit simply by typing the word “sugary”

OP- if there were enough other cake-y things to go round then your dd was of course fine to eat her cake. I posted based on your OP, which didn’t mention that.

What an idiot, he's behaved like a jealous child, wanting to take something from his own granddaughter. What sort of grandparent would do that? He should have been grateful by the sounds of it that you took them all so many other lovely things. The cake sounds wonderful.

If it was too small to share she should have eaten the cake another time. It was rude to sit there eating it as part of lunch.

I'd like to volunteer for the MN 'A' too. I've got my own spade and a boot big enough to put the body in, if that helps.

I'd like to point out that I would very much enjoy eating a sugary cake covered in sugary sweets. I'm not sure why labelling it a 'child's cake' helps anything. I didn't realise cake could be age specific.

He was totally obnoxious and I agree with PP that there is a kind of policing from men of what women eat, their body, their size, etc. I had it a lot in the past. So that was out of order!

Having said that, there is something slightly 'off' about one person having their 'special' food and not others. I would have asked my DC to consume the cake at home rather than during a shared meal. But then, I come from a country (Italy) where food has a very strong social/ritual element whereas in my husband's country (Scotland) people are a lot more easy going with food rituals.

I am also curious about this marvellous cake -have you got a link to it please? I may try making it!

Should have read 'A' TEAM, obvs.

@Pinkyyy I'm curious. I'm also pretty sure that a 12 year old in the UK isn't legally allowed to work that much...

We got those big white patisserie variety box things. So DD was eating the lone rose gold cake, but FIL was eating (for example) the lone chocolate rasberry torte, and he certainly wasn't offering round a bite

He’s horribly greedy then. He ate a cake of his own, didn’t offer a bit, but thinks the child should have offered him half her cake too.

He’s probably like @Pinkyyy who seems to think children should go without so adults can have treats. What a depressing thread.

No, the child doesn’t have to share a cake when all the adults have cake of their own that they’re not sharing. Children are people too.

But they took in a whole box of cakes to share! Everyone chose one. They didn't cut them into little pieces and share them out. They all had their own cake. The child had her own cake. Tell me where the problem is?

For me the problem is that I'd feel rude saying "here's some cakes there's one for everyone help yourselves...oh no you can't have that one".
I wouldn't necessarily buy everyone exactly the same but I wouldn't buy all from one place then one completely different one.

I fully accept though that my idea of manners and my expectations of my children's manners are seen Victorian by many people

Can I sign up to join the MN A Team please? I promise to bring cake

You are more than welcome Buttercup, as long as you have your own balaclava.

Christ, what a dickhead.

I’m picturing this huge toddler, with chocolate round his mouth and a shitty nappy, reaching for everything and shouting, ME ME ME!

I would seriously limit time spent around him. Nasty man.

Well what an arsehole he is
Next time buy her 2 prices make sure she does NOT share this cake and make a point she got 2 slices. One for today and one for tomorrow just to rub the salt into his wounds even more and if he asks were his is tell him go buy some himself the moaning bastard!
Poor little girl shouldn't share cake. I still don't st my age x

@Lulualla thank christ your post was the last one I read as my blood pressure was increasing with each idiotic “a child should not eat the only cake in front of people without cake” posts.

They all had different deserts, FIL didn’t offer anyone to try his desert so why is OPs DD the only one being called rude here?

The way he said “stuffing it in” is really awful too. I think I’d limit visits involving food if he can’t learn some manners.

I can’t imagine having the gall to be so rude to people who spent (probably a fortune) on fancy market deserts and brought them to my house for me. Yet the only thing FIL can think is “well I’d didn’t get a bite (half) of the desert DGD had” ... petulant little boy. Who is the 12 yo here?

BertrandRussell, yes I should have specified in my OP that we did in fact bring sweet things as part of the lunch, I forgot that not everyone sees the French patesserie stall in the same (holy) light as I do

I've known men like this and they have been selfish in every other respect, too. Would your FIL ever share anything himself, OP? Does he ever treat anyone else?

@Pinkyyy

Then you could go to the local market and buy it for yourself. The grandparents didn't.

They didn't provide anything. The OP and her husband provided lunch and very kindly for a selection of cakes for them to choose from. They grandparents were the hosts, but left it up to the visitors to provide the food. And it seems like they brought very nice quality food. When someone comes to your house with their arms full of lunch and also a selection of cakes, you say thank you. You don't stare at the only cake the child chose and complain that you didn't get any. You eat what from the large selection you've been given.

Your FIL sounds a bit like my dad...

If I had anything, I would offer him a little bit to be polite.

For example, a packet of crisps, j would offer him a crisp.

He would say “oooh just a nibble” and take a massive handful leaving me with about 5

I stopped offering after a while and he would get pissy if I covered my food when he came near me

Poor Dd, we have someone in our life like that and it completely takes the joy out of having a meal with them so we avoid it as much as possible.

And yes I agree with Pinkyyy Cake is cake and rose gold cake with sweets on is for anyone who wants it surely not just children.

@QuestionableMouse it's the travelling community. I can assure you it's quite normal to start work at that age.

It was fine- the girl was talking about the particular cake she had- that she had bought separate from the others. And I apparently have Victorian expectations of my children too!