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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 11:01

We went to a family bbq once where we were served sausages and burgers which were perfectly nice but the hosts also cooked steaks and chicken kebabs just for themselves. I found it weird and rude.

Now that IS rude!

However your FIL was rude. Is this normal for him? Do you think there is any chance he might be getting dementia?

< marks MN bingo board >

Lulualla · 08/10/2019 11:02

@MyCatHatesEverybody

Don't know about yours but my kids love being "grown up" and getting to buy their own treat.

Original poster
WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 11:02

Yes Hairy, I'm of the same opinion re grandparent's houses. Mine wouldn't have dreamed of eating something that was obviously for a child. I had all mine for years though, whereas both sets of DH's grandparents were dead before he was born

OP posts:
Lsquiggles · 08/10/2019 11:03

What a load of nonsense! Child or not, noone should expect you to share a slice of cake. Good grief. Your FIL is incredibly ungrateful and I wouldn't take any notice of him.

Beautiful3 · 08/10/2019 11:04

Think that was unnecessary thing to say. Considering you brought lunch and cakes?! Why is he so bothered by a teenage girls small slice of cake?! I wouldnt bother bringing anything again if I'm honest. If my children buy a cake in the cake sale at school, I dont demand that they share it?! Its just werid and probably made your child feel bad.

MissDollyMix · 08/10/2019 11:05

Your FiL sounds like a prat. Even if DD was being a bit rude (and I do think it's a tiny bit rude to have eaten it like that at someone else's house without at least an explanation, which given she bought it herself as a special treat, was perfectly valid) It's just as rude to point out someone else's manners, especially in the way he did. I think I would have been tempted to reply to him something along the lines of "I don't think we need to be taking lessons in manners from you you greedy fucker "

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 08/10/2019 11:05

YANBU. You had driven to visit him and taken lots of lovely food for him to eat, including dessert and he resented his GD eating a small slice of cake that she had bought with her own money.

Your FIL is a greedy git.

NoNewsisGood · 08/10/2019 11:06

Good to always provide dessert for all, me included! Cake Cake
But, if this was me, I'd have explained to child's grandparents the situation - 'there's this cake, which is a 'thing' that DC saw at the market that she bought with her own money, I'm going to let her eat it after lunch as it won't travel back well.'

No need to ask permission, but I'd have set it up at least to manage expectations. Some FiLs are just selfish and greedy and expect to have the best/largest of every meal and get in a huff when they don't.....I know only too well Wink

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 11:08

tastes of nothing except sugar and regret.

I've just seen this - missed it before.

That cake sounds fucking amazing!

I want some!!!

MyCatHatesEverybody · 08/10/2019 11:08

@Lulualla at 6yo maybe, but at 12? My DSCs jump at the chance not to spend their own money Grin

2Rebecca · 08/10/2019 11:08

He was unreasonable and greedy to expect her to share a single piece of cake, on the other hand if going to visit someone I wouldn't have bought just one piece of cake to a communal meal, I think the cake should have been for another day or she should have eaten it before you arrived if it's hard to come by. He obviously really fancied the cake. An adult shouldn't have mentioned it though. If my nephews arrived with special cakes I wouldn't demand a bit, although I would think it odd that they arrived with special food just for them unless they had allergies.

Annasgirl · 08/10/2019 11:08

@NoNewsisGood - the OP provided a selection of adult patisseries for everyone else and no one got the same cake.

Please, all, RTFT.

noodlenosefraggle · 08/10/2019 11:09

Sounds like he has some sort of sugar addiction and has been sent mad with desire. I often buy separate adult and kids treats. I don't expect the adults to eat their dessert and then chomp down on a chocolate biscuit shaped like a monkey, leaving the kids with half a biscuit just because they didn't get one for themselves. Your DH and/or mil need to call him to account when he starts bullying his grandchildren.

Sheld0r · 08/10/2019 11:10

Let your DD eat cake!
YANBU. What a vile man your FIL sounds. She did nothing wrong. He's a greedy, selfish old man and I feel so sorry for your DD to have heard what he said. I would never expect anyone to share a piece of cake especially not a child. Even if there were no other sweet options available I wouldn't expect it. This cake is available to him locally so he can buy his own.

Beccaishere · 08/10/2019 11:10

I really only have 1 question that I need answered! Did Dd enjoy the cake?? 😍

NurseButtercup · 08/10/2019 11:10

OP - buy him his very own slice, as suggested - lace it with weedkiller for extra "oomph". The MN "A" Team (who help dispose of Arseholes worldwide) would be happy to help. We all have our own shovels, use of a van, and there is always someone having a patio put in.

Can I sign up to join the MN A Team please? I promise to bring cake

Grin Grin

Annasgirl · 08/10/2019 11:10

@WaxMeltHoarder

Note to self : Always provide ALL of the information in the initial post - clearly 90% of people who comment do not RTFT! (I despair at many of the answers you are getting).

lottiegarbanzo · 08/10/2019 11:10

Greedy judgemental fucker.

This was equivalent to sweets bought with her own pocket money. Her own special treat that she'd saved for. (And £3 is a lot for one slice of cake - of course she wanted to savour it!). I wouldn't expect a child to share their own 'sweet ration' be that from Hallowe'en, a party bag, or bought with their pocket money.

Does FIL think women do / should 'eat like birds' and twitter on about 'being good'? Some people have really, really odd attitudes about women visibly enjoying food.

geojojo · 08/10/2019 11:11

Before I read the whole thread I had a tiny bit of sympathy for your fil as presumed no one else had dessert and your daughter just sat there eating a huge cake while everyone else just watched her. It reminded me of the time I had a play date at my house and my friend brought some biscuits just for herself and her child. I didn't really mind but thought it was a bit odd. If that was the case I would have happily allowed my daughter to buy the cake but told her to eat it later at home rather than at a guest's house. However having seen you bought dessert for everyone I think it's just weird for your fil to have an issue with it as he presumably had a nice piece of cake himself!

lottiegarbanzo · 08/10/2019 11:12

And you'd been incredibly generous with the treats you'd bought for everyone. He was being rude and ungrateful towards you and DH too.

Annasgirl · 08/10/2019 11:12

@2Rebecca

The OP's update showed that she bought cake for everyone there and FIL had a cake - there was only one sticky, sugary, sweet covered cake for a child and that was the cake her DD had.

Lulualla · 08/10/2019 11:12

I give up. People really can't read.

They took a box of individual cake slices for everyone. Every adult got their own individual, different cake.
The child got the child's cake.

There is not a single rude thing about it. Everyone saying the child should have eaten it alone in the car... why? Did all the adults take their little slice of cake and eat it alone in a room so no one would see? No. Because that's fucking stupid. No one was left without. Everyone had a lovely artisan cake.

Someone could have said "I will swap you a forkful or mine for a forkful of yours" if they really wanted to try it, but no would be an acceptable answer.

2Rebecca · 08/10/2019 11:13

I saw there were other cakes, but there was only one slice of that particular cake and it sounds as though it was the only "cake" rather than a "patisserie" and it was reserved especially for her. I wouldn't have done that, or at least not without explaining why she got a special cake. Agree he shouldn't have mentioned it.

EKGEMS · 08/10/2019 11:14

She sounds like a sweetheart and you are rightfully proud of her! I cannot imagine eating the ducky off a toddler vs pretending to eat it which is what I would've done! FIL sounds like a greedy ninny

Gustavo1 · 08/10/2019 11:14

All this talk of being “horribly rude” is ridiculous. This isn’t tea with the Queen, it’s lunch with the grandparents. Lunch that the grandparents hadn’t even had to provide. The poor girl had a nice slice of cake that was hers to enjoy as part of that lunch. There was plenty for others to eat and enjoy. FIL was a horrible sport and sounds to me like the type of old man who just enjoys being a bit mean to children. Stuff him!!