To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

[WaxMeltHoarder]

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

I saw there were other cakes, but there was only one slice of that particular cake and it sounds as though it was the only "cake" rather than a "patisserie" and it was reserved especially for her. I wouldn't have done that, or at least not without explaining why she got a special cake. Agree he shouldn't have mentioned it.

If I was buying a selection of cakes, and someone asked for a particular type, I would buy that cake for them and I would not expect them to share it.

This girl bought her selected cake for herself - how is that different? Why would anyone "have to explain" why someone has a particular cake?

IT'S A CAKE - EVERYBODY GOT ONE OF SOME SORT OR ANOTHER - SO WHAT?

Good grief the child got herself 1 piece of cake with her own money.

You took pil lunch that you paid for and fil moans about the 1 sodding slice of cake a child paid for herself 🙄- ungrateful bastard

As for him saying stuffing herself with it instead of sharing, my reply would of been “Your granddaughter used her own money to buy 1 slice of cake and she’s eating her 1 slice not stuffing herself with it”

Yanbu

@Lulualla no reading comprehension issues here, thanks for your concern though. I know that the OP had taken round a range of patisserie for everyone. My point was that the DD had something markedly different from what everyone else was eating, which is what prompted my “it might have been better for her to keep that for when they’re not in company”. And I still said the FIL was being unreasonable to make the fuss he did. Not sure what’s so offensive about that idea 🤷🏻‍♀️

OMG! If one of my nieces had turned up at my house with a slice of sparkly cake bought with HER own money, I would be excited for her and set the little table for her sit and enjoy! I can’t believe the ‘adults’ on here who think a child shouldn’t have eaten her own slice of cake bought with her own money in front of so called adults. He is a narcissistic man child! I couldn’t have let that go. I would have told him to grow the F*ck up and left! How dare he! Luckily no one in my family would ever behave like that!

I want chocolate and raspberry torte (or chocolate and pear, I'm flexible)!

Do a Charlie and the Chocolate factory, make a huge sugary cake, shove a ton of buttercream on it and a shedload of sweets and present it to him with a small cake fork. The greedy bastard will probably shove the whole thing in his gob without sharing but will feel terrible afterwards. It may teach him a lesson about greed. Either that or don't go round for lunch again. Eat before you go and tell them they can get their own food if they want to eat.

Oh my god to all the snooty uppity comments about a child eating cake she's bought herself, using her own pocket money, in front of adults. Some people are pathetically uptight. Maybe I should get my toddler to share his banana when he eats it in front of my FIL. Get a bloody grip. Your FIL is idiotic.

I still think she shouldn’t have eaten it in front of others if there hadn’t been cake for all. But there was cake for all.....
As I said. I expect adult manners from 12 year olds. But also from adult men.

Oh they are old school ... maybe it should of been mentioned that the cake was paid for by DD and she was going to eat it all up.

Your FiL is a bit OTT but I wouldn't let DD take one treat just for her to anyone's house. I'd tell her she should wait until she gets home to eat it if there wasn't enough to go round.

My point was that the DD had something markedly different from what everyone else was eating, which is what prompted my “it might have been better for her to keep that for when they’re not in company”

It was a room full of adults. Are we seriously suggesting we pander to an adult male who can’t seemingly cope with a child having something different from him?

I'd like to volunteer for the MN 'A' too. I've got my own spade and a boot big enough to put the body in, if that helps

< adds EmmaPeel's name to the roll >

Your FIL was rude but I think what you've done was bad manners. Your DD didn't have to share her cake but she shouldn't have eaten it in company then either.

I don't see any pearl clutching, only some mild disagreement. Is that so unreasonable?

For me the problem is that I'd feel rude saying "here's some cakes there's one for everyone help yourselves...oh no you can't have that one".
I wouldn't necessarily buy everyone exactly the same but I wouldn't buy all from one place then one completely different one.

This.

If you have a selection of cakes to share don't people check if anyone mind if you take a particular option? That's how it'd work in my family, then if two people want the same one you might share a couple. It's not whoever managed to greedily grab first gets what they want (which is effectively what it will appear your dd has done)

As others have said it's about how you handle it, if you say oh she's bought this special one for herself, fine. (Though I'd still expect her to ask if anyone would like to try it, your fil being rude and scoffing their cake without asking anyone if they'd like to try it doesn't make it any less rude for your dd to do so)

Just knew the handmaids would be out in force, how dare a child eat all her own cake! Now be nice and share it with greedy gits who use terms like 'stuffing it all in' (has anyone used chomping, pigging, oinking or shovelling yet)!

Have there been an 'obesity crisis' posts yet?

MN is a hoot, if you're on UC you need to justify why you don't or cannot earn enough as you're just being 'entitled' to other peoples' money, your partner of 15 years gets the sack he'd better toddle down the mines the next day or show him the door, but if a 12-year-old girl doesn't share her cake with a greedy man or your h doesn't do his fair share of lifework then be sure to enable him.

YANBU

This thread is one of those instances where I just cannot believe some peoppe on MN live in this world.

It is not rude for a child to eat cake at her grandparents house when they themselves are also eating dessert!!

Imagine being so miserable with your life that that is an issue for you. Wow

No way! I don’t share shit. If you want some, get your own.

“The pearl-clutching that a child should have the temerity to eat a treat she bought herself and not offer every adult in the room a bit. Absolutely ludicrous.”
Yes- that would be ludicrous. Good thing nobody’s said it.

@puppymouse - OP updated that she bought cakes for everyone there, and FIL had one of these, (which he did not share) her daughter's was the only one that her DD had bought with her own money.

It’s ridiculous to suggest sharing one slice of cake but yes, it is rude to bring something to eat just for yourself at someone else’s house. She should have waited until she was home.

I’m usually firmly on the side of old fashioned manners, but I just don’t agree that this was rude.

But that’s very much influenced by my experience at my grandparents’ home, where food and treats were generously available at all times for everyone, and therefore, since food was not scarce and there was no moral obligation to make sure it went to everyone fairly, none of the adults would ever have dreamed of begrudging us children a special treat. What a nasty attitude. It’s different if there’s little food to go around and it needs to be carefully restricted and rationed.

At my other set of grandparents’ home (which we didn’t often visit), it was done very much differently - after dinner a tray of little treats was passed round and it was very much understood that you only ever took one and that was it. It wasn’t an economic issue for them, but they were quite religious and I don’t think they believed in excess of anything.

It’s ridiculous to suggest sharing one slice of cake but yes, it is rude to bring something to eat just for yourself at someone else’s house. She should have waited until she was home

So everyone else could sit down and eat the single items that the child in question's family had brought without sharing, yet the 12 year old had to wait to eat her cake so as not to be rude?

Well, if mnetters are to be believed, then I can only assume that your fil is a French woman or Korean.