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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
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Lulualla · 08/10/2019 10:51

@damncats

Reading comprehension really isn't going well on this thread.

Have you never gone to a patisserie and got a box which you've filled with a selection of cakes? When we go visiting, that's what we do. Lemon meringue pie, raspberry torte, caramel chocolate brownie etc etc. Most people know what their family members enjoy. The kids choose something they like and we take the box over, then we all sit down for tea and everyone has a different cake. No one would ever try to take the designated "children's" cake.
Everyone in this situation had a different cake, paid for by the OP. The child had a cake she paid for herself.

Pinkyyy · 08/10/2019 10:51

@IceCreamBrain I completely agree with you.

Annasgirl · 08/10/2019 10:51

I really think most of the people on this thread are weird about food.

Firstly, it was her grandparents house - my DC treat that like home.

Secondly, THEY BOUGHT FABULOUS DESSERTS FOR EVERYONE.

Why oh why would the 12 year old share the child cake???????????

For manners?????? Jesus, my DC have wonderful manners but they do not share their lollipops with Granny!!!!

This is the equivalent of a lollipop and FIL is a twat and has form for this as can be seen from the updates.

Also, I really would be annoyed at someone who said my 12 year old DD was stuffing her face - it is rude, sexist, and really inappropriate to say to an adolescent girl (or anyone, but adolescent girls are particularly vulnerable to disordered eating).

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/10/2019 10:51

I don’t think it’s polite to eat something in front of other people when there isn’t enough to share

Christ!

It seems that there are people on here who would expect to get an eighth share of a single polo mint if here was one going!

A young girl is excited at having a piece of cake that has become popular and is all over social media etc - she's paid for it with her own money (you could get 3 x4 packs of galaxy for £3 - she has really wanted to have this cake experience) - and now this miserable greedy old git has taken the gloss off it for her by his crass and selfish remark. What a "see you next time" he is.

OP - buy him his very own slice, as suggested - lace it with weedkiller for extra "oomph". The MN "A" Team (who help dispose of Arseholes worldwide) would be happy to help. We all have our own shovels, use of a van, and there is always someone having a patio put in.

You know it makes sense. Grin

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 08/10/2019 10:52

You took plenty of food for everyone including adult pudding/patisserie items which wouldn't necessarily appeal to a twelve year old, you had (example) an eclair FIL had a torte, DD had her sugary full of sweets piece of cake that in all honesty most adults wouldn't want. I see no issue with this at all. Different if the only sweet thing on offer was the solitary piece of cake, in that situation yes share or wait. Also you were the guests, yet you provided lunch and pudding. Where are their manners as hosts?

Original poster
WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 10:52

No way would I have allowed DD to eat the cake in the car, she suffered bad travel sickness for years, and although she seems to have grown out of it, if anything would trigger a relapse it would have been munching away at that cake in a hot car Grin

DD is a very polite child, I've had people commenting on her manners since she was old enough to say "ta-ta", she has been picked to go to some quite important events as an ambassador for her school, and I've had to stop her in the past from spending all her money on presents and things for other people, so I think in this instance I'll defend her right to eat cake Grin

OP posts:
Annasgirl · 08/10/2019 10:52

cross post with Lulualla

Oulidae · 08/10/2019 10:52

It is very strange to bring a single portion of something to a family meal to eat yourself whilst everyone else eats on. But your Fil is unreasonable for getting ratty with dd who doesn't know any better, you and your dh are being unreasonable for letting her eat the slice of cake at the family neal though.

Lulualla · 08/10/2019 10:53

@Pinkyyy

But they took in a whole box of cakes to share! Everyone chose one. They didn't cut them into little pieces and share them out. They all had their own cake. The child had her own cake. Tell me where the problem is?

They know these people. They will have chosen cakes the know they like. The FIL had a choice of cakes, picked one an ate all of it. He didn't offer to share it. Then he wanted his granddaughters cake.
Please explain to me how the child is rude?

BruceAndNosh · 08/10/2019 10:53

Channeling Friends...
JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!!!

stucknoue · 08/10/2019 10:53

Whilst it's not that she should share one slice, it is a bit rude to take one slice into someone's house. I personally would have either bought a sharing cake for everyone else or left the cake in the car for her to eat later at home

mrsm43s · 08/10/2019 10:53

I was always taught that if you had something nice that you didn't want to share (or wasn't big enough to share) that you don't eat it in front of other people. So I do think your DD was rude. However, your FIL was also rude (actually ruder) to point it out and make a big deal of it.

At 12, I see no reason why your DD needed "special" food, she is old enough (by many, many years) to just eat from the adult selection.

If the cake she had was just one piece out of a selection, that anyone could have chosen, it would be different. But for her to have something "just for her" that wasn't offered to anyone else, but was eaten in front of everyone else was rude, I'm afraid, and wouldn't have been allowed in my family. Doesn't make it OK for FIL to make such a big fuss, though.

Annasgirl · 08/10/2019 10:53

OP, honestly, you sound like a very generous and lovely family so I cannot imagine where the poor of comprehension people are deciding your DD was rude - she clearly was not.

Glad to see most people agree.

mummmy2017 · 08/10/2019 10:53

You should have come back with the comment about FIL has just had his pudding, let DD eat hers in peace.

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 08/10/2019 10:54

If she were my child I'd have let her eat the cake at the table but also mentioned to PILs that this was my child's particular slice of cake that she had bought with her own money, and that everything else was for everyone else. I might have also dissuaded her from eating any of the other cakes on offer after she'd had hers, so as to make sure there was enough for everyone. I note your DD didn't sat the other stuff though, so surely that should have been fine.

Ilnome · 08/10/2019 10:54

If there was plenty of treats to go around then it would be weird for your daughter to wait rather than eating the cale at her grandparents- grandchildren and guests are meant to be two diffrent things

Sunshineandflipflops · 08/10/2019 10:54

it's not rude to call someone ridiculous. I can assure you my manners are exemplary. A 12 year old is not a child. A 12 year old boy in my community works 5 days a week. They don't buy treats and sit and eat them in front of people, that's what a 4 year old does

We are clearly from different communities then as my 11 and 13 year olds are definitely children and go to school 5 days a week and I would very much teach them that calling someone ridiculous for having a different opinion to me was in fact rude.
Your manners are not exemplary. Sorry to tell you.

Annasgirl · 08/10/2019 10:55

And I love the stealth boasts of the Victorian dining manners in the MN households.

HairyFloppins · 08/10/2019 10:56

It's weird how different we all are.

I don't find it weird at all for a child to eat something she brought for herself at her grandparents house. My children's grand and granddads house is like a second home to them.

No wonder so many people have hangs up over food.

FIL sounds like a greedy arse OP.

Lulualla · 08/10/2019 10:58

@IceCreamBrain

But FIL had his own cake? They all did... and no one offered any to the child. But the child needs to hand her came around or she is rude?

Mumsnet is a really insane place sometimes. No one answers the door, everyone has a cleaner and now children aren't allowed a slice of cake designed for children whilst the adults tuck into a selection of lovely artisan patisserie cakes.

RB68 · 08/10/2019 10:58

Next time get him a slice of the most sugary over the top cake possible so that when he eats it he feels sick and is put off cake for life! What a nasty man.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 08/10/2019 10:59

YABU for making DD pay for her own cake if she was having it in lieu of an adult patisserie cake.

ElizaDee · 08/10/2019 11:00

Your fil is an arsehole.

NurseButtercup · 08/10/2019 11:01

I'm surprised by the responses on here.

Grandad (FIL) had his eyes on his 12year old granddaughters sweet/cake. Instead of asking for a taste, he watched her eat it and then complained afterwards.

And he complained about not getting a taste as if he didn't have his own dessert to eat. .

What grandparent has it in their mind to takes sweets and treats off their grandchildren? Good grief - he sounds like a right old curmudgeon.

Just out of interest - did your FIL offer to share his dessert?.

Op YANBU

BertrandRussell · 08/10/2019 11:01

Hang on - if there was cake for everyone that’s obviously different. That’s not what the OP said.