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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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MCP86 · 09/10/2019 20:44

I cant imagine ever telling my son to hide his cake in the car, as it may upset grandma 😂😂

cacklingmags · 09/10/2019 20:51

He is the greedy fucking pig - watching every mouthful a child takes.
He probably thinks women and girls should only eat lettuce leaves - quietly in the kitchen. A nasty wank spot, never feed him again.

TulipsTulipsTulips · 09/10/2019 20:56

I agree with pps who suggested fil may not have made the same comments if a boy had the cake. I’m so fed up with men who feel comfortable chastising young women/girls.

MCP86 · 09/10/2019 21:13

They felt they'd missed out on a treat & she was getting special treatment

Wowwww grown adults upset and jealous of a child's cake

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 21:31

OP

I think you should print out this thread and bake it in a cake for FIL.

Grin
PerkyPomPoms · 09/10/2019 21:44

And will you be treating Fil to a range of patisserie and yummy food again Op?

MissEliza · 09/10/2019 21:57

Dh and is whole family are greedy I've witnessed things like that again and again. I can't understand a grown adult thinking they've got a right to have a bit of something a child's eating.

Mum2jenny · 09/10/2019 22:09

Just fuck it, I couldn’t be arsed with the chaos.

SuperSue77 · 09/10/2019 22:10

@MCP86 you are spot on here. I haven’t read the full thread but those suggesting the daughter shouldn’t have eaten the cake in front of everyone, when everyone else had their own dessert that was different, is just madness. The cakes adults eat tend to vary significantly from those children eat. OP was definitely not unreasonable nor was her daughter but the FIL sounds very childish and mean.

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 22:10

So even if there had been no cake for anyone else, it would have been OK for one person to eat a piece in front of everyone? Is that the consensus?

SuperSue77 · 09/10/2019 22:12

Also if my FIL spoke like that to my children (which he wouldn’t because he has at least an ounce of maturity) I’d pull him up on it and I am the least confrontational person I know!

SuperSue77 · 09/10/2019 22:13

Bertrand Russell - when that person is a child amongst only adults and the cake is that type of cake, then yes, totally okay. But that isn’t the situation the OP was asking about.

MCP86 · 09/10/2019 22:17

BertrandRussell no, that is not the consensus.
However, i do think that even if they visited without any food or treats, that the 12 year old would still not be in the wrong for eating HER cake at her GRANDPARENTS home (without sharing)

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 22:17

“But that isn’t the situation the OP was asking about.”

No it isn’t- as we discovered some way in to the thread. But it is the situation many people still appear to think they are responding to. And which they are saying is fine.

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 22:21

In that case the conversation should go “Would anyone like a bit of my cake?” “No thank you, darling, you eat it”

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 22:22

Because she’s 12, not 5.

PerkyPomPoms · 09/10/2019 22:26

‘Should’ except greedy pig grandfather would eat half her cake and all of his own too

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 22:31

@Snoopdogsbitch It seems I've been misinterpreted, I wouldn't want to push my opinions on to anyone, I was just sharing my thoughts on the situation. We are very proud of the girl who's chosen to go to university but to answer your question, I'm sure there are other options for boys. Many do pursue them, in fact there are some famous people who are from a travelling background who have taken a different route in life.

Thank you for saying I seem quite literate, I didn't receive any home tutoring but I try to teach myself a lot as I'm interested in a lot of things and enjoy learning about them. But you're absolutely right that I am far more literate than most, but that has no negative impact on their chosen lifestyle.

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 22:33

Thanks @SchadenfreudePersonified but I'll definitely choose the beer Grin

TommyJoesMummy · 09/10/2019 22:36

Ok... where do we buy the cake...?? 🤤
Please tell us that someone said something and bought your DN another duck cake? 😢
I would repay your FIL’s behaviour going forwards.
He is cruel and had to have a pop at something... or actually nothing

expatinspain · 09/10/2019 22:37

She's 12 not 5 Yes, and I'm assuming her grandfather is 60+, not 5 either. Getting so possessive over food, especially 'treat' food, is behaviour more appropriate for a child rather than a mature adult. It's something you'd expect from young siblings, not a grandfather/granddaughter dynamic.

MCP86 · 09/10/2019 22:37

*BertrandRussell

In that case the conversation should go “Would anyone like a bit of my cake?” “No thank you, darling, you eat it”*

But why?

A lot of people are saying it's rude, what exactly is rude about it?
Why does everybody in the same space have to be eating the same thing at the same time (as some posters have suggested)?
Does EVERYTHING have to be shared (or offered for the sake of it, knowing it will be declined)
Why is it not okay to have something for yourself and enjoy it all to yourself?
Why are other people entitled to "a bite" of or a claim to something that may be a treat/special to the owner?

tinkerbellla · 09/10/2019 22:38

God what a knob. Of course she shouldn't share her cake, he's pathetic.

Luckybe40 · 09/10/2019 22:41

pinkyyy I’m with you!

SunshineDays2019 · 09/10/2019 22:42

What's sad is that if FIL speaks like that about his DGD, it comes across that he doesn't like her much. The poor girl is at her grandparents where "rules" should be akin to being at home.