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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
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7
flouncyfanny · 09/10/2019 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatPyjamas · 09/10/2019 19:30

All of this fuss because a 12 year old ate a piece of cake? Confused

You're FIL is an arse.

flouncyfanny · 09/10/2019 19:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Newyearsameoldshit · 09/10/2019 19:32

If you ever go round with food again make sure FIL gets a duck biscuit.

Entitled twit.

SunshineCake · 09/10/2019 19:32

I think it's a shame you sold out your dd instead of sticking up for her. You placated your FIL instead of having her back.

Rumboogie · 09/10/2019 19:36

Personally I wouldn’t allow my child to take a single slice of lovely cake to someone’s home and eat it in front of everyone!
Of course she shouldn’t share, but there should have been cake for everyone or no one. It’s just poor form and leads to bad feeling and you (and your poor girl) experienced the consequences of that. Having said that, I do feel your father-in-law could have handled the situation better, especially given that your daughter is a child and therefore still learning about what is socially acceptable and what isn’t.

Sums it all up.
You were all wrong.

Now can everyone shut up.

Gingermuffin · 09/10/2019 19:40

@flouncyfanny you’re welcome Grin.

If it’s any consolation I think I’ve sussed the first verse, ahem,

Op thought it would be nice if she bought treats for every body,
Although not everybody had a Haribo cake,
But the kids always think twice before they give a bite away,
Because they know the bites FIL takes,
They are still in duck gates wake...

CustardySergeant · 09/10/2019 19:41

But there WAS cake for everyone! FIL had a slice of chocolate raspberry torte.

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 19:41

“Of course she shouldn’t share, but there should have been cake for everyone or no one”
There was cake for everyone. The OP didn’t mention that significant fact til later...

Vulpine · 09/10/2019 19:44

I'm not really a cake person and don't eat it very often but if i do, its all mine.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 19:50

my granny would have had a fit of the vapours at the suggestion that she couldn't lay on a buffet for 27 given only 12 minutes notice!

I'm very impressed Dribble - catering for that "odd" one, working out were to seat them etc isa right bugger!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 19:54

She should have waited until she got home

Would you like to come outside and repeat that, Carrie?

Notthetoothfairy · 09/10/2019 19:54

My grandfather offered me a second ice-cream around that age which I accepted then he commented to my parents that I was fat and should have some self-control. He died over 20 years ago and that’s all I remember of him.

He sounds a lot like your FIL!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 19:55

*to hold beer - not toehold beer

Sorry about that pinkyy - I wouldn't inflict my feet on my worst enemy!

expatinspain · 09/10/2019 19:58

Good lord, child eats treat that adults don’t. Shock horror!! What kind of grandparent would even think this, never mind actually make a fuss. He’s a strange man. He had his own dessert anyway. Absolute fuss over nothing. All the weird comments about manners and keeping it in the car to eat for later just clarify why the rest of the world think the British are a little odd and eccentric.

SunshineCake · 09/10/2019 19:59

Should everyone else have shared their patisserie with the dd as well ?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 20:05

I think that goes without saying Sunshine

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 09/10/2019 20:06

I’ve voted YANBU (and skipped over most of the middle of the thread), and FIL was a dick, but I do think it’s not ideal to pitch up with ‘special cake just for me’ at someone else’s home really, even when you’re 12, even when you’ve used your own pocket money, even when other sweet treats have been provided for other people present. When you bring a variety of cake options, you offer the recipients the choice, right? I have already trained my 7yo that if he has his heart set on a particular cake from the patisserie stall, we need to buy more than one of that kind. Grin So I guess I’d have bought a second rose gold cake for offering/‘sharing’ (yes, one slice is def one portion!).

My aunt and nephew (then 14ish, no SEND) once visited my son (then 4ish) with a bag of nice cookies, all different. The 14yo had clearly chosen his already and got first dibs. I could see on DS’ face that he’d really wanted that one too, but he didn’t miss a beat and chose a runner up cookie and said thank you nicely - proud parenting moment for me. Grin

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 09/10/2019 20:07

*cousin. He was my cousin, not my nephew!

SunshineCake · 09/10/2019 20:09

OP please PM me your nephews address and I'll send him a fuck load of shortbread animals.

Raybay · 09/10/2019 20:11

I have to say that most grandparents wouldn't begrudge a 12 yr old granddaughter of a beautiful piece of cake.

Next time take him a delicious looking single slice and then tell him he's got to share it. Or bake a slice yourself and fill it with laxatives and tell him it's for him only.

What a miserable old git. Sounds like he's got a fear of missing out on food. Why the hell don't they provide food for guests? I hate people who are stingy with food.

Anonmummyoftwo · 09/10/2019 20:16

Hes a grown ass man bitching that a 12 year old girl who got a slice of cake with her own money didnt share when there was plenty of other treats to have. Seriously i would say something because next time he may upset her by saying something

FelicisNox · 09/10/2019 20:16

I'm literally crying with laughter at some of stuck up comments on here and I've only read the 1st page!

  1. your DD bought herself a treat with her own pocket money so no, she is NOT being rude eating her own self bought cake after lunch.

  2. it's one slice; it couldn't be shared.

  3. there's no reason to share it: are some of you seriously telling me you would begrudge your own grandchild eating her own treat just because YOU don't have one? Are you REALLY that desperate for a slice of cake? Hmm

  4. your FIL is a greedy petulant t**t.

You are not even close to being unreasonable.

iklboo · 09/10/2019 20:41

Take him a dummy next time so he's got one to spit out.

MCP86 · 09/10/2019 20:41

This is mental! Bloody mental! A 12 year old cannot eat cake at her grandparents house without offering!? What grandparent would even accept?
It's also mental that she is considered a guest at her grandparents home (and that rules should apply)...really really odd.

So many entitled people, raising more entitled people. Nobody is allowed to demand anybody's food (even if you woukd fancy a bite).
This whole sharing thing is so flawed. People are allowed to have things for themselves!!!