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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 18:19

“But everyone DID have cake / pastries / tarts“

I know. I was responding to someone who said it would be fine even if nobody else had any.

Letsgowalking · 09/10/2019 18:22

This is the sort of thing my FIL would have said. Fortunately we an no longer in contact with him. Twat.

MummyBee173 · 09/10/2019 18:22

Funny that he thinks it’s rude to bring cake to someone’s house but absolutely fine to bring tons of other lovely goodies?! He’s a dick & I hope your DD doesn’t give it another thought.

iklboo · 09/10/2019 18:24

Ah sorry @BertrandRussell!

MrsBadcrumble123 · 09/10/2019 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tiresiasmum · 09/10/2019 18:27

Your FIL is being a grumpy, judgemental arse, and it sounds like he ruined a nice visit by saying it when you left. girl shaming! He needs to get out of the days of the ark. I'm impressed your DD bought it herself. Cake isn't exactly easy to share.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 09/10/2019 18:30

Apparently me calling the YABU t**ts, boring and to get a life is a deleteable offence on MM now?!

HeyNotInMyName · 09/10/2019 18:31

I think you FIL was unreasonnable.

I would probably have told her that she should eat it at home rather at PIL. I have no idea why this feels more reasonnable to me though Confused

Bugbabe1970 · 09/10/2019 18:32

He was being a knob
And it wasn’t rude, you bought the rest of the lunch. Your DD bought it as a treat for herself. Some adults need to grow up!

PurpleFlower1983 · 09/10/2019 18:33

Your FIL was being a twat but I would have asked her to wait and eat it at home too. It seems like the polite thing to do.

Sacredspace · 09/10/2019 18:36

Personally I wouldn’t allow my child to take a single slice of lovely cake to someone’s home and eat it in front of everyone!
Of course she shouldn’t share, but there should have been cake for everyone or no one. It’s just poor form and leads to bad feeling and you (and your poor girl) experienced the consequences of that. Having said that, I do feel your father-in-law could have handled the situation better, especially given that your daughter is a child and therefore still learning about what is socially acceptable and what isn’t.

LightJewel · 09/10/2019 18:37

Such nonsense ... the grandparents should understand she bought this with her own money and wanted to relish it ... there were other sweet things to go around ... I don’t see the issue.... your daughter was fine ...why would u need to buy everyone else cake when there were other sweets ... how horrible and ungrateful.....

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 18:38

“ the grandparents should understand she bought this with her own money and wanted to relish it “

Of course.... if they were told

MrsG2017 · 09/10/2019 18:43

Ignore him she's 12 for goodness sake extremely out of line.

EmpressLesbianInChair · 09/10/2019 18:43

People are still talking like the Dd ate a mahoosive slab of cake whilst her family starved around her. I just don’t understand why people aren’t able to grasp the situation here.

Because there will always be posters who either can’t be arsed to RTFT before giving their opinion, and thus risk making themselves look daft.

Juliehooligan · 09/10/2019 18:43

FIL is being a bit of a baby, I presume he ate everything else that you brought without fussing, so why have a go at a 12 year old? I wouldn’t make my 12 year old share if she had bought it herself.

CustardySergeant · 09/10/2019 18:44

Sacredspace the OP took a big box of various patisserie items and everyone had one apart from the OP's daughter who had bought her own, so the FIL ate his own and then complained he wasn't offered some of his granddaughter's as well.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 09/10/2019 18:47

He doesn't really understand the grandparenting thing, does he? My grandparents house was a place of peace, welcome and loads of very good cake. When my parents were cruel to me, my grandparents were loving and gentle. Formal manners just wouldn't have been required if we visited their house and also brought lunch (although my granny would have had a fit of the vapours at the suggestion that she couldn't lay on a buffet for 27 given only 12 minutes notice!).

Aside from who was rude (the FIL), the real issue for me is that he is laying the foundations for their future relationship. She will associate him with meanness and greed, and that won't encourage her to visit and develop her own independent relationship with her grandparents. That's a shame for her, but he is the one who is likely to suffer the most. Most grandparents want to see their grandchildren, in my experience, and it doesn't sound like he will realise that his behaviour now will make that less likely in the future.

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 18:48

“Ignore him she's 12 for goodness sake extremely out of line.”

He was out of line- but not because she’s 12. NT 12 year olds should have adult manners.

notso · 09/10/2019 18:50

That people made assumptions is the point.
Yes people made assumptions @SesameOil, they assumed the OP gave all the necessary information. It was hardly a vague post.
Nobody was expecting a drip feed.

Gingermuffin · 09/10/2019 19:02

On threads this long there is usually a poem or a reworded song. I don’t normally get it but I’ve got “gotta have cake (faith)” stuck in my head on repeat and I’m too boggled to sort the rest of the words out If anyone feels like doing that for me it would be great 😁

flouncyfanny · 09/10/2019 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrendasUmbrella · 09/10/2019 19:22

A single piece of cake is a single person serving. I think your FIl just liked the look of it and got pissy that he didn't get one.

1forAll74 · 09/10/2019 19:23

Just not on for FIL to say that.I thought he may have been joking,but he wasn't if he went in a huff about it, so, very nit picky and stupid of him.

Carrie7899 · 09/10/2019 19:26

She should have waited until she got home