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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
notso · 09/10/2019 17:38

But since the OP says in her first post that they brought a whole heap of food, it also doesn't make sense to assume that this didn't include dessert for what is described as a nice lunch.
Oh come on Hmm

SesameOil · 09/10/2019 17:40

Didn't say that you did bertrand.

Sheld0r · 09/10/2019 17:41

Even if OP hadn't taken dessert as well I still don't think it's rude for a 12 year old girl to sit and eat a piece of cake at her grandparent's house without feeling she had to offer it around to a bunch of adults. I think after OP buying "a heap of food" from an artisan market for everyone, which I'm guessing cost her quite a bit of money, I think it was rude for the hosts not to provide a dessert since they were being bought a lovely lunch. My dad would never expect this of my daughter. He would have enjoyed watching her eat it and would more than likely make sure he went out and bought her the same piece of cake for her the next time we were visiting. His grandchildren mean the world to him and he's a kind and generous man. OP's FIL sounds quite frankly abhorrent. Who eats half of a toddlers duck biscuit?!! Everyone knows you pretend to nibble at it when a toddler offers something to you like that.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/10/2019 17:43

Your PIL is a petty mean man.. what a put down to make in front of a 12 year old girl. You brought loads of stuff to share with him and he had to say that to your DD. The cake was hers. She bought it with her own money. Saving up a nasty remark after it was too late to do anything about it, is horrid. He was trying to make a side comment on how you are bringing her up. He's a twat.

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 17:43

I disagree. I think eating cake when nohody else has any is rude. Unless you explain, in which case normal people would say “Of course that’s fine!”

AllStarBySmashMouth · 09/10/2019 17:45

Nah your FIL was being an arse. She bought the cake for herself. No need to share. How pathetic of FIL getting angry over a slice of sodding cake.

notso · 09/10/2019 17:48

Urgh double post!
**
Come on what? People made assumptions without asking for clarification. That includes those who decided there was no dessert.

People make assumptions based on the information given. This wasn't a vague post, it had a lot of detail apart from the incredibly relevant detail that everyone had dessert.

Information that changes from it reading,
One person sits down in front of everyone and eats a cake when there's no cake for anyone else. Someone thinks that's a bit rude and says something in a rude way.
To
Everyone eats cake together and one of them is a greedy knob.

I have a nice lunch every day and dessert doesn't feature!

Bourbonbiccy · 09/10/2019 17:49

You absolutely do not share cake.....ever !!!

But seriously who expects a child, or anyone for that matter to share a personal size slice of cake.

I however would have picked up a dessert for the in-laws at the market or requested my son ate his cake at home, but your Father in law should not have aimed his frustration at your daughter.

knickerthief1 · 09/10/2019 17:49

I said YABU because I had visions of her eating a slice of cake and others watching with nothing. But given you took other sweet things for the family then no YANBU!

AllStarBySmashMouth · 09/10/2019 17:50

I also fail to see how it's bad manners to eat something you brought with you in front of people? I'm truly baffled by that.

nuxe1984 · 09/10/2019 17:50

He's put out that he didn't get any. Selfish entitled behaviour.

Italiangreyhound · 09/10/2019 17:52

He's being awfully rude. Your dd was fine to eat the cake.

Boysey45 · 09/10/2019 17:56

I could understand him being fed up if she ate a whole cake to herself but not a small slice. I think hes being stupid and petty. Is he alright? I mean its pretty strange to be that over the top mean.

Bourbonbiccy · 09/10/2019 17:58

Sorry, absolutely retract my previous post. If you brought the other people a similar dessert, then he needs to get a grip and apologise.

SesameOil · 09/10/2019 18:00

But the OPs post did not say there was no cake for anyone else notso. That people made assumptions is the point. And nice lunches don't have to feature dessert but a treaty lunch with family might well. This is why clarification should've been sought.

GrumpiestCat · 09/10/2019 18:03

I won't share a takeaway portion so definitely wouldn't share a solitary slice!

Lillibee4 · 09/10/2019 18:03

It’s family. Of course it’s ok for her to eat her cake

mrshousty · 09/10/2019 18:03

Send him this

www.verywellfamily.com/forcing-your-kid-to-share-4126426

Angrywife · 09/10/2019 18:06

My FIL would have been the same and that's why I haven't seen him for about 4 years. Pompous twats

cushioncovers · 09/10/2019 18:08

Did the adults have any desserts ?

The fil was out of order with his comments.

MummyBee173 · 09/10/2019 18:10

How did you not laugh?!

Attitude84 · 09/10/2019 18:12

Sounds to me FIL was just jealous of her cake and acted like a twat.

PablosHoney · 09/10/2019 18:15

He’s in the wrong massively, I hope your DD enjoyed her cake 🍰 Smile

iklboo · 09/10/2019 18:15

I disagree. I think eating cake when nohody else has any is rude.

But everyone DID have cake / pastries / tarts

Ihatesundays · 09/10/2019 18:15

My FIL was also very greedy about food. We couldn’t do food where it was shared in the middle of the table as he would just steal it all.
He once ate someone else’s dinner whilst they were out of the room. Then complained they were ‘getting a second dinner’ when it was replaced and sulked all night.
He wasn’t a horrible person, just greedy about food and drink which was just unpleasant.