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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
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notso · 09/10/2019 14:57

I would just like to clarify that DD did indeed eat her cake at the same time as everyone else had pudding!

So what I don't understand is if that was the case when FIL said
"well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around" the response wasn't something like "that's what we were all doing you greedy arse"

DarlingNikita · 09/10/2019 15:02

notso, the OP says the response was 'DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.'

Which I guess is her family's version of what you suggest, and what a lot of people would have said in the situation. It's easy to think of and recommend giving more robust answers when it's after the fact/not your family, but in reality family dynamics and people's personalities often don't work like that.

I don't disagree with you that the 'greedy arse' response would have been a good one, though Grin

mummmy2017 · 09/10/2019 15:29

Just think if DD ate the cake and the person complaining about not being given some was her younger brother, who had just had cake and fudge, at the same time, no one would ever think the brother should have got some of DD cake as well.

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 15:36

Has anyone said that she should have shared?

DarlingNikita · 09/10/2019 15:40

Bertrand, are you joking?

From a quick search, here's two:

In my family is absolutely normal to offer people a bite of something

In our immediate family, sharing is absolutely the rule

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 15:56

Millions of people Bertrand

We have all been so affected by the strength of feeling of the "It's just common courtesy" lobby that we are now dissolving tic-tacs in pints of water to make sure we can share them out equally, and anyone who eats a single hundred-and-thousand without offering it round first is being clapped into the stocks on the village green.

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 16:11

Oh right. I confess I haven’t read the whole thread. And I think a lot of people who read the opening post only (as I did initially) would have said they were both rude in different ways. It was only once the extra facts- that there was cake for everybody and that the girl having a separate cake was explained- that it became clear that it was only the man who’d been rude.....

DarlingNikita · 09/10/2019 16:19

a lot of people who read the opening post only… would have said they were both rude in different ways. It was only once the extra facts- that there was cake for everybody and that the girl having a separate cake was explained- that it became clear that it was only the man who’d been rude

Anyone who immediately assumes that a 12-year-old is being 'rude' on this evidence is just desperate to be affronted, IMO. Common sense surely dictates that a) there was cake/pudding for everyone or that, even if there wasn't, the worst that would have happened was some light-hearted teasing about lucky DD having all the cake to herself/Granddad 'nicking' some off her etc.

But I guess some families must actually sit about with faces like the cat's arse waiting for children to be 'rude' but not saying anything about it at the time.

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 16:44

Not sure why anyone would have assumed there was cake for all- it seems a pretty significant piece of information to me! If there wasn’t, and no explanation offered, then girl and man both differently rude. In the circumstances as later expanded, man only rude.

Wonkybanana · 09/10/2019 16:55

Not sure why anyone would have assumed there was cake for all- it seems a pretty significant piece of information to me!

It may not have been in the OP, but was clarified on the first page:

We brought other sweet things for everyone else - bags of fancy fudge, and quite a lot from the French patisserie stall - those little chocolate tortes and the like.

Snoopdogsbitch · 09/10/2019 16:59

Pinkyy I'm glad you've come to understand where other posters are coming from.

From my part you are ' furthering' your views- as in pushing them onto people- and those views are very alternative (not mainstream at all within the whole country) even if they are the norm to you.

I am so glad to hear about the traveller girl heading to university- I hear so often about women within your community being given limited choice. Have you ever considered that the boys are desperate to get to work because the alternatives are not promoted or discussed? Are any girls permitted to go to work with their fathers?

If you read my comments the universal beliefs I was speaking of concern your community: seeing as I have taught some traveller children in secondary school this in itself proves that not all travelling families agree with you about children not attending after 12.

You yourself seem to be very literate, so you must have been taught well at home? Unfortunately, that is not the case for all traveller children.

notso · 09/10/2019 17:01

It may not have been in the OP, but was clarified on the first page

Yes, significant information revealed only after some people suggested her DD was rude...

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 17:10

Yes- and I for one changed my view after the clarification.

SesameOil · 09/10/2019 17:23

It's fine to not assume that other cake had been provided. But since the OP says in her first post that they brought a whole heap of food, it also doesn't make sense to assume that this didn't include dessert for what is described as a nice lunch. I agree the OP was unclear, but the most sensible response was to ask for clarification.

ToftyAC · 09/10/2019 17:28

Your FIL is being a total arse. What GPs would begrudge their granddaughter a piece of cake that she’s purchased herself. He’s just had a share of totally lovely goodies.... greedy sod.

starfishmummy · 09/10/2019 17:29

Im in the fence here. Fil was extremely rude about it. However I would have told my child to eat it atraight away or to save it for at home rather than bringing it out in front of everyone

cherish123 · 09/10/2019 17:29

FIL was out of order.

Pinkdhalia · 09/10/2019 17:32

what a nasty FIL , not a good attitude to endear himself to the young child!

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 17:32

Which nobody did- launching straight into the man’s a cunt/your poor baby routine!

notso · 09/10/2019 17:32

But since the OP says in her first post that they brought a whole heap of food, it also doesn't make sense to assume that this didn't include dessert for what is described as a nice lunch.
Oh come on Hmm

SesameOil · 09/10/2019 17:33

Come on what? People made assumptions without asking for clarification. That includes those who decided there was no dessert.

noodlenosefraggle · 09/10/2019 17:35

The man has form, as OP said, so it's easy to presume the man is a cunt. He ate his toddler grandsons biscuit and then called him selfish when he cried! Never mind the 12 year old. He's shown himself up as a nasty unpleasant git.

bpirockin · 09/10/2019 17:36

As others have said, I think I'd have suggested that she ate it later if there was no cake to offer other people. Out of order for the PILs to comment really, but maybe it was about courtesy rather than cake. I guess maybe if she'd have said "I hope you don't mind as there are other treats, but I only got one piece" or something like that. Sharing a slice is unnecessary.

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 17:37

I didn’t “decide” there was no pudding. The OP didn’t say there was. “We were all eating the cakes that I’d brought and dd was eating hers....”

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 17:38

Yes, I agree he’s a git. But no way of knowing that from the OP.