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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:

Thread gallery

rededucator · 09/10/2019 12:41

Personally I'd have had her save it for when she was home. It is rude to tuck into something without offering others at least a taste.

FrogsAreMean · 09/10/2019 12:46

OMG is this thread still trundling on!

OP I hope your daughter thoroughly enjoyed every mouthful of her cake - if your FIL and some sad fuckers on here begrudge her that then tell them all to fuck off and get a life.

SomeonesSomeone · 09/10/2019 12:47

There are way too many comments on this thread (and plenty of other threads, come to think of it) that appear to be have been extracted from the abhorrent mindset which is that people born with tits and fanny should never expect to keep a god damned thing they have purchased/been given for themselves unless they have checked with every cunt in the vicinity to make sure they don't want to claim it for themselves.

Even more so if referring to a fanny owner who is still a child and no, I don't believe for one second the same people would have said same if the post referenced a male child. Not to one second.

P.S for the no swearing requester, it's allowed here and your desires don't trump the desires of others here who like to say FUCK, SHIT,ARSEHOLE AND CUNT.

DarlingNikita · 09/10/2019 12:57

every cunt in the vicinity I feel a name change coming on.

morethanalurker · 09/10/2019 12:58

We've got answers ranging from "At 12 the girl should be working five days a week to save up for treats for their grandparents, and be grateful!" to "The grandfather is evil and will definitely end up dying alone on his floor for days and I hope that while he lies there he will reflect on his actions of this day."

Just about choked laughing at that @BeefTomato

ThatCurlyGirl · 09/10/2019 12:58

You're welcome @Pinkyyy

I think it's maybe hard to understand from within a culture where it's the norm quite how shocking it is for people to hear that kids leave school after year 6 or learn to bare knuckle fight to resolve disputes. I appreciate its normal in your experience but it's really, really shocking and a quite upsetting for people outside. The anger is at those kind of traditions still going on, more than it is at you directly.

mankyfourthtoe · 09/10/2019 13:01

Everyone ate a dessert at the same time
Fil didn't share
Dd didn't share
No one shared

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 13:06

@ThatCurlyGirl That is actually a good perspective and one o hadn't considered. I often wonder why my opinions are so terribly received and perhaps you're right. Maybe I just need to articulate better.

Clavinova · 09/10/2019 13:06

Hope you all went for a run afterwards - box of pastries, bags of fudge and cake!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 13:08

No problem pinkyy. I think it's just a crossed wire regarding manners. You would have expected the child to offer, and the adult to thank them, but decline.

Other people have also said that they thought the girl was bad-mannered (and some have been more forceful than you about it), so I'm not sure why you seem to be getting all of the flak!

I think your way (offering a taste) only works when the adults are equally considerate and respectful of the children. I think that in this instance OP's DD was entitled not to offer. (I'll also bet that if she'd been at home with just immediate family, she'd have offered it round because she would know that no-one would take advantage).

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 13:12

Personally I'd have had her save it for when she was home. It is rude to tuck into something without offering others at least a taste.

Now don't you start!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 13:13

I feel a name change coming on

LOL!

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 13:14

@SchadenfreudePersonified you're exactly right and I would have expected him to decline, although I'm guessing that wouldn't have happened in this case which is possibly the root of the problem. I'm not sure why I'm getting all the flack either!

ThatCurlyGirl · 09/10/2019 13:15

@Pinkyyy

That is actually a good perspective and one o hadn't considered. I often wonder why my opinions are so terribly received and perhaps you're right. Maybe I just need to articulate better.

Ah this made me happy that we can disagree but understand each others points of view.

Some of the things you have said re school and fighting literally made me gasp but I'm sure there are things I believe / encourage in kids in our family that would make you react in the same way.

To some people such different beliefs are defending the indefensible (I admit I feel this way too) but as I say I understand it's maybe really tough to see it from outside particularly when you've lived in such a close knit and traditional community, whereas most of the population is exposed to and experiences so many different values and behaviours that they are more open to different beliefs.

Again not an attack on you but I'm really pleased we've been able to see each other's point of view.

Londonmummy66 · 09/10/2019 13:16

Love this post people born with tits and fanny should never expect to keep a god damned thing they have purchased/been given for themselves unless they have checked with every cunt in the vicinity
to make sure they don't want to claim it for themselves.

But don't you mean "checked with every penis in the vicinity"?

FleurDuMal · 09/10/2019 13:19

I think I would have said that she was learning the value of her own money, by budgeting for cake and enjoying the results.

If the greedy git wanted cake, he could have bought his own.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 13:24

I must admit, I hadn't thought about it before this thread, but maintaining a secondary education - working towards GCSE's etc - would be really, really difficult if you were from a travelling family who didn't stay in one place for long.

It's hard enough for kids who are "static", but if you were changing schools every few weeks it would be almost impossible.

I don't agree with just taking children out of the education system, but in instances like these I can understand it - and there is "education" and "education". Exams are all well and fine for many children, but we also know that a lot of them do much better in practical situations - and of course, there aren't the apprenticeships that there used to be since all of the heavy industries were decimated. This is why there are technical colleges.

Who is to say that the young people in pinkyy's community aren't being better served than a lot of the ones in the education system? So many schools are underfunded and undisciplined (through no fault of the teaching staff, I hasten to add), and children in them don't get the chance to make the most of their educational opportunities just because of the way the system works.

A child has a better chance of being taught a trade by a father/ uncle who takes an interest in his progress than in an over-crowded classroom with a stressed teacher struggling to cope with curriculum changes every five minutes and without vital books and equipment.

I'm a great believer in education - it's important and it opens a child's world up and offers them the luxury of choice in what they do - but that's not to say that all education is equally good, because it's not.

jumbojelly · 09/10/2019 13:25

Sometimes I meet people in real life and wonder how they get through life being so dysfunctional.

Then I come on this thread and there are people who think a cunty old man has the right to take a piece of cake off a 12 year old girl who paid for the cake herself.

If you are one of those people you are also dysfunctional, and likely struggle with friendships and pissing people off in general with bizarre behaviour.

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 13:36

@ThatCurlyGirl I'm really happy about it too! I definitely get what you mean and I agree that there are parts of each culture which are shocking to the other. I really have learned so much on MN which is why I continue to use the site, it's made me realise how little I know about the non-traveller lifestyle.

@SchadenfreudePersonified thank you so much for that post, you have said everything in a much better way than I've been able to in the past. You're 100% right about them being educated in different ways. I think because your community places so much weight and value on education in the traditional sense, it can be too big of a shock to think about anyone not going down that route. I've never known anyone to be denied an education, and in fact a travelling girl recently started university (the first I've heard of) and has been widely praised for doing so well.

SesameOil · 09/10/2019 13:42

Perfection someonessomeone, absolute perfection.

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 13:45

“Then I come on this thread and there are people who think a cunty old man has the right to take a piece of cake off a 12 year old girl who paid for the cake herself.“
Has anyone actually said that? Honestly?

NataliaOsipova · 09/10/2019 14:00

I would just like to clarify that DD did indeed eat her cake at the same time as everyone else had pudding!

Then he’s bonkers to make a fuss. Yes, it would be more “formal” to put everything on the table and do the “would anyone like this....?” dance. But the child fancied the cake. And she was going to her grandparents’ house. What on Earth was all the fuss about from FIL. He had a “grown up” cake which, presumably, he ate up himself. Why the furore over the child having what she had chosen?

AryaStarkWolf · 09/10/2019 14:18

Hear Hear!!!

SesameOil · 09/10/2019 14:35

There are several people who have said it ought to have been offered/shared bertrand which, given his previous form for eating the major part of children's treats, is not far off. I mean, how much do we imagine he'd have left DD, given the duck biscuit behaviour with a small child who you'd think one would be extra considerate with? A third? The bottom bit with no topping?

phoenixrosehere · 09/10/2019 14:54

The more you add the more of an arse he sounds.

She ate the cake at the same time as everyone else and he didn’t offer any of his cake so why should his granddaughter be doing so with hers?

Your fil is being absolutely ridiculous and glad his son said something in his daughter’s defense.

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