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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

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Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

QueenArseClangers · 09/10/2019 11:14

Bloody hell Pinkyy, where do you live? 1847?
And before you have a go I’m from a Romany background.

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 11:18

@QueenArseClangers no I'm very much alive now. I don't know a single boy in my community to have completed secondary school. Not even one.

BeefTomato · 09/10/2019 11:19

I don't know a single boy in my community to have completed secondary school. Not even one.

And are you saying that that's a good thing Pinkyyy?

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 11:22

@BeefTomato all I've said is that it's normal to me.

Please can everyone stop quizzing me. I've answered all of this before in a calm and informative way on a thread of my ow . This thread is not mine and it's about cake.

Lulualla · 09/10/2019 11:22

@Pinkyyy

That's absolutley nothing to be proud of. It's actually really really sad.

When we hear from the developing world or morally corrupt regimes that they use child labour, the world condems it. Countries are sanctioned for using child labour, or given inducements to end the practice.

But when it happens in our own country, we're not meant to comment because of tradition and culture? Totally BS.

BeefTomato · 09/10/2019 11:24

I love the split of opinions in this thread Grin

We've got answers ranging from "At 12 the girl should be working five days a week to save up for treats for their grandparents, and be grateful!" to "The grandfather is evil and will definitely end up dying alone on his floor for days and I hope that while he lies there he will reflect on his actions of this day."

Paddington68 · 09/10/2019 11:27

Unless your FIL is Jesus YANBU.

Walkacrossthesand · 09/10/2019 11:30

@waxmelthoarder, is your FIL one of those 'what's mine is all mine, what other people have they must share with me' types? If so, I hope you have a strategy for dealing with it - a repertoire of polite but firm responses to head off a demand to share, to point out when he hasn't shared, etc.

avoidingwork · 09/10/2019 11:40

@Pinkyyy if you don't mind me asking, did YOU complete secondary school? Just curious, no point being made.

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 11:47

@avoidingwork I'd rather not say, out of fear of being attacked any further, sorry. I've been told before on here that my opinions are invalid because I don't have a high level of education and I'd prefer not to open that up again.

avoidingwork · 09/10/2019 11:48

Fair enough.

MediocreOmens · 09/10/2019 11:52

@Pinkyyy I tried to nicely explain to you that people are NOT disagreeing with you because of who you are. They are reacting to the strong and dangerous views you are spouting all over Mumsnet. You are determined to behave as a victim. If you are not prepared to explain your point of view other than to hide behind "tradition" then people are going to get annoyed at you. This is nothing to do with your background or level of education.

BertrandRussell · 09/10/2019 11:55

@Pinkyyy-any hostility you receive is nothing to do with your ethnicity or level of education.

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 11:57

@MediocreOmens I realise why people are disagreeing, and they have every right to do so. I just don't know why me expressing my opinion is classed as 'spouting my dangerous views all over Mumsnet' when anyone else is free to speak theirs. I'm not behaving as a victim but I do feel victimised on this thread. I'm not the only person to feel the way I do, but none of the others are being treated like this. I'm not hiding behind anything, my views are based on traditions and im very proud of them and they're very important to me.

ThatCurlyGirl · 09/10/2019 11:59

@Pinkyyy

FWIW I thought your AMA was really, really interesting and I remember thinking how articulate you were.

I think the reason this thread has had such a difference in tone is that if you think not offering to share is wrong and feel totally justified in that and don't feel it's attacking anyone outside of your experience and background, you need to accept that other people think it is equally as wrong to encourage kids to leave school and also bareknuckle fight.

This is not an attack, I just think that if someone with one opinion defends that opinion by saying it's normal in their circle then the those with the opposite opinion can too.

My experience and background do not tally with yours and therefore I have a different opinion - but accepting this works both ways.

Again I found your AMA really interesting so there's no malice on my side just explaining my view as you have yours.

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 12:13

@ThatCurlyGirl Thank you, I really appreciate that. I realise I haven't come across all that well on this thread, but it's because I genuinely feel picked on. I made a comment about not being a child at 12 years old and it seems to have opened up a whole heap of criticism when that's not what I was aiming for. I was just giving reasons for my opinions that come from my own experience. I'm not offended by anyone disagreeing with me, I expect that, knowing I have different beliefs. I am just offended at people who attack those beliefs and call them names, without bothering to consider that it's something they know next to nothing about.

MediocreOmens · 09/10/2019 12:15

@Pinkyyy I remember a thread where you were a strong advocate of smacking children and from this thread you also appear to be an advocate for denying children an education and for encouraging child labour. So yeah standing up for what most reasonable people consider child abuse, I would call that having dangerous views.

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 12:24

@MediocreOmens but everything has context. I was advocating a mother smacking a child who had kicked her. I also haven't advocated denying children an education, I've just said it's normal in my community for them to leave after primary school. That's not advocating. As far as encouraging child labour, that's out of context too. Boys can't wait to go to work and they work when they choose. Some won't go until they're 15/16, it's their choice. The ones who got at 12 will be getting up and going with their dad, learning the family trade. They won't be treated as a slave, they will be there because they want to be.

This really isn't the thread for me to be explaining all this but there's a lot, lot more to it than there seems. I just wish people would stop with the ignorance towards our lifestyle and actually try to understand it, whether they agree with it or not.

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 09/10/2019 12:27

If somebody comes to my house, puts on the table variety of sweets and then takes out a slice of cake and eats on her/his own without offering to me I would wonder if that cake is so much nicer than other sweets and that is the reason it is not offered?

And if they offer you fancy, grown up ice cream would you expect the child's ice cream shaped like a clown on a stick to be put on the table too, just in case you fancy that rather than the ones purchased for you?

Loveoddthings · 09/10/2019 12:30

I've just said it's normal in my community for them to leave after primary school

Oh don’t exaggerate. Children can’t leave school after primary school in this country.

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 12:33

@Loveoddthings I can assure you they do. They have to be registered as home schooled and complete work at home.

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 12:34

Why would I lie about that? Traveller kids just don't go to secondary school in general. In some cases an individual chooses to, and they're usually supported in that decision. But the vast majority leave after year 6.

MNHQ
MichaelMumsnet · 09/10/2019 12:35

Just dropping by to say we've removed a few personal attacks in this thread. Hopefully things will get back on track now.
Peace and love.

Original poster
WaxMeltHoarder · 09/10/2019 12:38

I would just like to clarify that DD did indeed eat her cake at the same time as everyone else had pudding!

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