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Original poster

To think you don't have to share a piece of cake

999 replies

WaxMeltHoarder · 08/10/2019 09:24

We went to visit PILs over the weekend. On the way, we stopped at a nearby town which has a regular-and very good-artisan market. We bought a heap of food to take to PILs for a nice lunch, and DD, age 12, bought herself a piece of cake from one of the stalls. This cake has apparently been all the rage amongst local children, it has been all over local social media. It's basically a rose gold themed cake piled high with sweets and icing. £3 for a small slice but DD bought it with her own money.

We went to PILs, had lunch, DD then ate her cake. All good.

Later, as we were leaving, MIL said "thank you for bringing lunch, it was lovely" FIL then said "yes and maybe next time DD will have learned to share her cake, instead of stuffing it all herself"

I laughed it off and said "oh well, good luck getting a twelve year old girl to share anything with sugar in it" and FIL got really ratty, saying "well I'm afraid she should be made to share, I couldn't believe it when I saw her sitting there, eating that cake without offering it around"

DH at this point said "Eh, it was one slice, and she bought it herself" FIL huffed a bit and we left.

AIBU to think this is bonkers? A box of chocolates yes, but surely nobody expects to share one slice of cake? If everyone had had some, there would have been none for DD!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 08:26

@RhiWrites I've never agreed with the FIL. You didn't quote me saying that because I never have.

WanderingMind · 09/10/2019 08:33

So if PIL had a cat and you got the cat some Dreamies (its like crack for cats, I've been told) FIL would demand a share?

It's hard to imagine any reasonable adult demanding a share of anything from their grandchild! Unbelievable arrogance!

Hmm
mummmy2017 · 09/10/2019 08:36

Yesterday 10:37Pinkyyy

Lulualla it makes no difference. The girl was rude.

You said your children would have given it to grandparents.
All the adults eat their cake, no one offers or shares.
So FIL stuff his face on cake, and does not share.
Then he should be handed a second cake while the child has nothing.

Wow.... And the child can just cry while having nothing.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 08:41

Can I just say I think it's frightfully rude of you to have offered a shaving nod jellybaby to someone without waiting to see if everyone else on the thread wanted some.

< hoicks up bosom>

I beg your very pardon Curleygirl, but if you read bak through the 20 million posts, you will see that in fact found a single jelly baby in my sweetie jar and then offered the 367 posters then online a 1/367th of it!

I was brought up properly - I can't help it if all the food is eaten when late arrivals drop in! However, there is a breath mint, if you would like a lick of that?

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 08:41

@mummmy2017 where did I say the girl should sit and cry and have nothing? Not to mention if my 12 year old cried over a slice of cake I'd tell her she needed a reality check.

I said my children would have offered to give it to their grandparent. I didn't say the OP's daughter should have. And it's quite clear that there was a whole box of cakes, she wouldn't have gone without.

Clavinova · 09/10/2019 08:43

notso
All of this implies the DD ate her cake at a different time to anyone else and it wasn't explained until later she'd bought it herself.
Otherwise why would the Grumpy FIL would be so surprised someone was eating cake if they were all sitting down eating it together?

Yes, I agree with notso.

DD ate her own very sickly sweet tiny piece of cake.

I don't think it was tiny - it was "piled high with sweets and icing" and cost £3.

I woke up this morning thinking of fudge. Grin
If the girl was eating her special treat at the same time as everyone else why was she eating fudge as well? I love Artisan fudge but it is sickly and sweet - two or three pieces are quite substantial in one go. Sweets, icing and fudge - no wonder the girl is prone to car sickness.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 08:43

Would you like me to save the doily?

Oh, please, NewHat - the doily is yours!

iklboo · 09/10/2019 08:46

And it's quite clear that there was a whole box of cakes, she wouldn't have gone without.

But why should she give her cake - which she bought with her own money and was looking forward to - to her grandad? If there was a whole box of cakes he wasn't going without either. He was acting like a toddler wanting his own AND what someone else had.

CampingItUp · 09/10/2019 08:52

It wasn’t ‘someone’s house’ as guests, it was her grandparents. Most grandparents would be happily indulgent that their DGD was enjoying her special cake.

Not brooding away malevolently ready to criticise her as you were leaving.

Horrible man and I am glad your DH stuck up for your Dd.

mummmy2017 · 09/10/2019 08:54

@Pinkyyy
A child willing to spend their own money on a piece of cake they choose to buy should be allowed to eat the cake.
FIL choose not to ask for any of the cake at the time of it's eatting.
He was a choosing beggar, and should have been grateful to be treated, his bad manners are showing.
Maybe that says it all.

CormacMcLaggen · 09/10/2019 08:59

I beg your very pardon Curleygirl, but if you read bak through the 20 million posts, you will see that in fact found a single jelly baby in my sweetie jar and then offered the 367 posters then online a 1/367th of it!

Quite right, too.

Now, would anyone care to partake in this breath I am currently inhaling? I'd simply hate to not share, manners are my middle name.

Cormac Manners McLaggen, at your service.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 09:02

Pinkyy
You say your children would have offered it to their grandparents - may I ask - would this have been just a courtesy, (ie grand-dad would say - "Thank you sweetheart, but I couldn't eat another thing. You enjoy it." or would the grand-parent pick up a knife and cut himself a huge slice.

Because I think that if OP's daughter could have trusted the GF not to eat the lion's share of her treat, she very probably would have offered it .

I can see how in many cultures it would be considered the respectful thing to do. But I would also imagine that in many cultures the expected response would be a "No thank you", and certainly if it was a "yes, please", just a token nibble would be taken.

This man ATE A DUCK BISCUIT BELONGING TO A TODDLER!

He's a git.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/10/2019 09:04

Cormac

Grin

Why, thenk yew vair' much

mummmy2017 · 09/10/2019 09:12

The seven deadly sins are pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath and sloth.
FIL seems to have committed a fair few.

LetThemEatDrama · 09/10/2019 09:18

People don't half go mad over cake!! The girl was 12, I don't care if her grandad was 93 it doesn't automatically give him superiority when he had more than enough food to eat, including treats, can't see how she was rude. If there'd only been rice cakes to eat and no pudding then fair enough but come on!

Everyone saying she was rude, what if it had been something savoury? If you got savoury bites for lunch for 6 people and got a few pies, few pasties etc and the 12 year old chose a nice deli pasty to her own taste would you expect her to offer it round??

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 09:20

Oh ffs. I haven't sided with the FIL and I haven't said he should have eaten the cake.

@SchadenfreudePersonified yes that's exactly what I'd have expected. It to be offered and declined. I don't think either person behaved correctly.

PerkyPomPoms · 09/10/2019 09:20

I hate greedy bastards like this. My own father would also pick the best bits off our plates/out of our hands and never offer to share. And as the hosts why had they not catered - rude!

Uniformuniformuniform · 09/10/2019 09:25

If she can't eat a slice of cake at her grandparents without being deemed greedy then it is sad times. I used to love going to my grandparents where they would have a treat for us waiting. They didn't have any. I don't think any of the adults did. They enjoyed watching their grandkids enjoying their treat. That's part of being a grandparent surely...? However my mum is like your FIL. Whereas I'm like my grandparents. If they have a treat it makes me happy seeing them happy and I don't want any of it

mummmy2017 · 09/10/2019 09:27

@Pinkyyy
The child support not had to offer if hers was the only treat available.
But this was not the case.
Her mum got something for everyone, but the child choose to spend her own money on her pudding.
In this one case the child has no need to share.
Also FIL is know to take the child's treat.
So can you honestly say you would watch your FIL eat his own treat then take your child's treat as well.

mummmy2017 · 09/10/2019 09:29

The child should have offered if hers was the only treat available.

Raindancer411 · 09/10/2019 09:34

Mummmy2017, it wasn't, the OP brought lots.

Lulualla · 09/10/2019 09:37

This reply has been deleted

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Lulualla · 09/10/2019 09:38

*compare and complain

WTFisThisNow · 09/10/2019 09:39

Your fil is rude, thank goodness he didn't say it to dd! And well done to dh for saying it to him!

Pinkyyy · 09/10/2019 09:40

It's a slice of cake. Anybody who's so attached to it that they couldn't possibly give it away is ridiculous.